Who I Was Born to Be

"Base camp, this is scout one, coming in hot; medical emergency!" Randall was panicking; why was Randall panicking, and why couldn't I move?

"Scout one, what is the nature of your emergency?"

I lost time, drifting in a swirling, pain filled darkness. The mountains, we were in the mountains, I remembered a flash and pain. Damn it! I'd gotten shot, again.

"Pulse thready! She's losing too much blood! We need to prep for surgery now!"

The voices were fading; I was drifting farther away. It didn't frighten me; that was life. It threw things at you, and you had to duck, until, one day you didn't; then it was over.

"You're wrong you know." A field, and someone was talking; the voice sounded like mine.

I'd never thought of myself as pretty, but the girl standing in front of me was. Her red gold hair framed a pale face, lit by large, gray, green eyes, and she was smiling; I didn't smile.

"Who are you?" I probably sounded cranky; I didn't care. If I was dead this wasn't a very good afterlife.

"I'm you."

"You're wearing a dress."

She looked down at the swirling blue fabric. "I know; pretty, isn't it?"

"If you're me, who am I?" This kept getting weirder.

"You're me. And no, you aren't dead."

Great, now she's reading my mind! "So...If I'm not dead, what's with seeing myself?" Now I sounded like a corny science fiction movie.

We were quiet for a minute, and her silence made me nervous.

"You can't keep shutting people out."

"If you're going to mention Randall; don't."

"I don't have to; you just did."

I always had been just smart enough to get into trouble.

"Not everyone wants to hurt you. I know you think about him."

"You're wrong! Randall's-he's just some stupid Lieutenant! Besides, I saved his butt, and ended up here! What more do you want?"

"I'm you, a part of you that is hidden because you don't want to be hurt, but you'll never know if you don't try. Just think about it."

*****

The steady beeping was getting annoying; so was the snoring. Enough was enough; I forced my eyes to open, ready to yell at whoever was snoring in my ear.

It was Randall; he had apparently fallen asleep sitting beside me and now his head was next to mine on the pillow. Alright, add invasion of personal space to my list of reasons to be mad at him, but I wasn't mad at him. Besides, he looked cute when he was asleep.

Still, the snoring was a problem. I tried to move my ear away from his nose, but when I moved pain sot through my left shoulder. I bit back my scream, but I must have made a noise because Randall jerked awake.

"Ma'am! I'll get the nurse!"

"Wait," my voice was hoarse, but he heard.

"Ma'am?"

"You alright?"

"Yes ma'am. I-I want to apologize; if you hadn't pushed me out of the way..."

"Forget about it." Maybe the other me was right; it was time to stop hiding.

"You saved my life; I can't forget about it."

"Randall, you're worth saving."

"Ma'am?"

"Can you please drop the ma'am? My name's Hazel, and it's been a long time since anyone's called me that."

He smiled, and so did I. I couldn't help it; he looked like a schoolboy, standing there grinning with his hair sticking up in all directions.

"Thank you, Hazel."

Sometimes it takes almost dying to finally start living.