Pirkle

There are a lot of things that people don't know about me. That's probably because of my cloistered and reserved lifestyle. I am a self employed fashion designer and a housewife, things can get hectic easily. For an example, the house, somehow, always ends up in a gigantic mess at the end of the day. My husband doesn't know why either and I know it's not his fault. (He has Mysophobia and he's obsessed with cleanliness.)

But what does all of this complaining about how my humble home always getting messy has to do with anything? Well, this is a personal narrative. Pretty much everyone that reads these doesn't really give a crap on what's going to happen to the characters and can't empathize with them. I'm one of these people, trust me. That's why I'm choosing one of the weirdest days of my life. Yes, everything in this narrative actually happened. I swear to God I am not making this up.

Our story begins mid-afternoon. It was Sunday; I was busying myself by cleaning the front porch. This is a chore I actually enjoy; it allows me to enjoy the warm weather and see the children play. The neighborhood Mailman greeted me, "Evening, Ava." I looked at him and smiled, "Oh, hello." The Mailman walked up to me, "This is for you," and he handed me a letter. I thanked him and he went off on his merry way. The letter seemed somewhat… suspicious. I rarely get letters; most of the mail I get is actually for my Husband.

I walked into my house and sat on the sofa. I got my pocket knife out and carefully opened the letter. The letter, well, was weird to say the least. This is what it said:

Greetings Mrs. What-Ever-Your-Name-Is!

You don't know who I am, and you will most likely never will! But that's okay, since I am so kind and generous, I shall introduce myself. I am Pirkle. I am the man that's always knows what's going on in this town, even before it's happened. I guess you could say that I'm somewhat of a fortune teller, heh heh! Joking aside, this IS serious. Last night I had a dream. A very terrible dream. The dream was about YOU! Yes, you! I dreamed that something bad was going to happen on this very day, and it involved you. I was so bothered by it I just HAD to tell you! The thing is you seem like a very kind, loving young woman. But in this dream you were completely going apecrap about everything. I'm not trying to offend you; I'm just trying to WARN you!

-The kind and generous Pirkle.

Wow, what on earth? It's not everyday where you get a message from a random stranger who calls himself "The kind and generous Pirkle" and warns you about the future. Despite the letter's absurdity, I was intrigued. Pirkle seemed like a strangely interesting man, I thought all fortune tellers were women. But what was he warning me about? I appreciate his gesture on warning me about this, but he could at least have told me!

That's it. I made up my mind, I was going to find this "Kind and Generous Pirkle" and ask him a few questions. Cleaning the house and making dinner can wait.

I began my quest in town. I asked everyone I bumped into if they heard of this "Pirkle", some politely said no while others said I was insane. Maybe I WAS going insane. I normally don't get up in arms about mysterious messages, but this really bothered me.

I was lost in thought. The town is fairly small, and I don't want to be known as the crazy wife of a rumored mad scientist. (He is a scientist, but not a mad one, by the way.)

While thinking, I ran into the Mailman again. "Well, hello again!" He grinned. "What are you doing out, taking a relaxing stroll, I assume?" I grabbed the man by the collar of his shirt. "The letter!" I yelled. "What about it?" He replied, looking as calm as ever. I let go of him, "The letter you gave me," I said. "It was from a man known as Pirkle." "No wonder you're freaking out!" He laughed. "Everyone reacts that way when they receive a letter from him, that Pirkle is very mysterious! I know what you're going to ask me, you want to see him, yes?" I nodded my head. "He lives right next to the pizza shop," the Mailman said. "His house is a light blue-ish color." I ran off without thanking him, which I kind of regret now, but I was focused on Pirkle.

When I arrived, I bust opened the door. The house was very small and very dark; the only light in the house was coming from the crystal ball that was sitting on a table in the middle of the room. A short, stout man wearing sunglasses was sitting next to the table, looking very relaxed and happy. "Hello, Hello!" He greeted me.

Not gonna lie here, I was a little bit creeped out. "Are you-?" I began. "Yes, yes!" The man interrupted. "I am the Kind and Generous Pirkle, what do you need?" I sat down near the table. "It's about the letter," I said. "Mmmm, the warning, you mean?" He asked. "Yes, that," I replied. "What did you see in your dream? I must know!" "Well," Pirkle began. "It may not happen. Just you being here has caused the future to change somewhat. That's why when I had the dream, I sent you the letter. Whenever I see something bad, I try to prevent it and help people to have nice days. Young woman, what is your husband's name?" "Velveeta," I replied. The crystal ball glowed stronger, "Yes, yes," Pirkle mumbled. "I see it all now. Go back home and don't worry what the future holds for you. All I am going to say that it's going to be a lovely surprise."

Taking Pirkle's advice, I went back home. And I was amazed, he was right! The surprise was very nice. The house was clean through and through, dinner was also made! Velveeta welcomed me, "Sugarcube! Where have you been?" "Oh, no where," I replied. "You missed nothing while I was gone, but I did have a nice conversation with an interesting fellow."

I haven't seen or heard of Pirkle again since that event. To this day I don't know if this was something that Velveeta planned to surprise me, but either way, it was a very "kind and generous" thing to do.