Comfortable Christianty

    After losing my job, I struggled with deciding which path to go down.
Should I go down the path that let me to finding a 9 to 5 job or find an at home job. I was collecting unemployment that wouldn't last forever, so I needed to find something.
    While collecting unemployment I looked through books on at home jobs to come up with some ideas
on how to earn money at home.
    There are some very good books and magazines ought on the market that offer some helpful suggestions.
There was a lot to chose from. Which one was right for me and my family?
    I finally decided that I wanted to make and sell dolls. I thought that after I made them that I could take them to the local flea market. Computers at that time wasn't as popular as they are now.
    Besides reading the books on finding an at home job, I was reading a book by a well known author called Lord, change me. This book had been given to me by my mother-in-law who passed away a few years ago. I was curious about why she would give it to me and started reading it.
    I had learned that I was suffering from depression and thought that this book might help. I thought that it might help me to overcome my nervousness and fear of giving a public speech. Shyness had always been one of my downfalls. It was so bad that I couldn't take part in an Easter parade because I was so nervous and a little embarrassed because I was to wear a rabbit costume.
    I don't know why I was so shy or nervous all the time. Maybe it was because my mother and siblings had always told me that I was. Maybe my shyness was just God's way of keeping me on the shelf until I was ready to knock the barrier down that I had put up around me to keep from getting hurt.
    I didn't really think about my Christian faith, until I wanted to find out; why I was laughing on the outside but crying on the inside. Maybe it was the book that I was reading that peaked my interest in my Christian faith.
    I had also started going to church more than I had been. My pastor use to comment that it is easy to do things just to be doing them. He always suggested that sometimes it necessary to mix things up.
Looking back on it now, I was probably actually uncomfortable in my Christian faith. My Christian faith was very important to me so I began attending Bible Study class on Sunday and the church service afterwards.
    In Bible Study class we were studying a study on Spiritual gifts. This was interesting  it was the first time that I wanted to know what my spiritual gifts were.
    One Sunday we read about the Holy Spirit. What is this, I thought? Why haven't I learned this before.
That question was easily answered. My early Christian upbringing had not taught me about God, the Father, God, the Son and God, the Holy Spirit and who they are.
    God, the Holy Spirit comes upon us but how? Who is God, the Holy Spirit became a question that went to the back of my mind until I lost my job and began to want more out of my life. At the time I attended the Bible Study class I had two school age children and a husband to build my life around.
    Jesus in the Vine, we are the branches. I loved reading the Gospels to learn more. My branch was not very strong. Now that I had lost my job, how would my family survive. A bigger question was becoming what would I do later on in life if I lost my husband. Little did I know that three short years later I would indeed lose my husband to congenital heart disease.
    This left me needing to really finding out what God's plan might be? I had been searching for it and started praying more often.
    Fifteen years have passed since than. My first husband is gone, my children are grown and have lives of their own. During this time was it part of his plan to expose me to stress, depression, doubt, and uncertainty? Besides Bible stories that I had learned from during my early Christian upbringing, what did I really know about my faith and being saved.
    I believed in God so loved the world and gave his only begotten son. Was there more to being a Christian then just knowing the Ten Commandments and trying to live your life by them. I had thought about
what I believed but raising my family was taking my time.
    Interesting words that I just read from a devotional that I have been looking through.
Jesus is the potter, we are the clay for him to shape and mold in ways that He pictures.
    Had I lost my job because it was time for my faith to grow and flourish with devotion and gratitude.
What did Jesus want me to do at this time? Was it time for me to become obedient to God, if I wanted my faith to grow and to have a home business? I wanted to make and sell dolls, did God have another plan that He wanted to reveal to me after I prayed the sinners prayer?
    Was it time for my branch to grow stronger and for my leaves to turn greener as they fed off of the Vine. What is involved in submitting your life to God? Billy Graham always brought out in his sermons that you must be "born again". What does this mean. After praying the sinners prayer one night I wondered what changed in me?
    How was I different? A better question would have been how was my life going to be different?