Natsu

This story I’m about to tell is about my very first love; Natsu Heiru. Most people would think I was too young to understand the meaning of love. I would admit that at a young age most people will not understand love but when the heart speaks the truth age, as well as gender and everything else, doesn’t matter. This story takes place back when I was in middle school. It starts two week after we got together, during the summer before my last year of middle school.   

Hello, my name’s Sakura Yamato, I’m a friend of Natsu I stared down at my phone. “What the hell is this?” I murmured knowing exactly who this person was.

Hi, I’m Yue Sakane I texted into my phone still very confuse. 

I kno who you are ;) im Natsu ex I knew that; I knew that so very well. I held my breath my heart threating to burst. About two weeks ago I confess to Natsu; and a little more than two weeks ago he broke up with his ex-girlfriend, Sakura Yamato- both of them a year older.

Yea, I kno, but um… why exactly do you have his phone? I sighed and turning over in my chair from the humid summer sun. “God damn it,” I sighed.

Well, I was over at his house and he was paying more attention to his phone then me, when I realized he was texting his new girlfriend I stole his phone and ran off ;3 jealous? I bit my lip. “Shit,” I cursed. I cling onto the edge of my jacket.

I’m not jealous, I mean its not bad to be friend w/ your ex I replied painfully swallowing my saliva. Natsu Heiru, I hated his guts ever since we first met. He was an annoying jackass who mocked me.

Really ;) your not jealous?

Yea, I’m not jealous, what more do you need?

What would you do if I steal him away?{/font} My heart started pounding harder. My hand clenched my turning stomach.

I wouldn’t care, I wouldn’t do anything, I replied honestly.

Oh? So you don’t love him?

That’s not what I said; if he leaves me it wasn’t because you “stole” him from but simply because he picked you over me I felt sick just typing the words.

Not bad ;P Bye~ I sighed

OMG I’m so srry x____x she’s actually a really nice person

It’s fine I don’t really mind ^^’

You sure? :/

Yea, I’m sure, I gtg text you later? :)

Fine by me as long as your not mad or jealous ;)

Like I said I’m fine, bai :3 “Damn it,” I mumbled curling up onto my bed. “What the hell is wrong with that girl!” I cursed tugging on my hair.  

Starting at the beginning of February, Natsu and I were in the same sixth period elective. He had a real bad habit of teasing people. Every day I had to live with his small mockery. Although I would say he was a completely and utterly jackass, he would never say anything too hurtful. All he needed to say was one or two things to tick me off and want to strangle him to death. Starting May 23rd my best-friend, Setsuna also known as Setsu, ‘hit things up’ with Natsu’s best-friend, Mikami who was a year older, and on June 13th my other best-friend, Hikari, ended up with Natsu’s cousin, Takeru who was my age. I didn’t really care about it much I was too happy for them. Overall the five of us started to hang a bit more.

On the last day of school we all went to hang out at a nearby restaurant. But it wasn’t the five of us; instead it was a giant group ‘hang out.’ My friends went on a double date while I had to sit at a table with strangers. I ‘knew of’ every person sitting there but only three of them knew me; Yoku, an annoying guy who was in my class since the second grade as well as Mikami’s cousin, Shirou, a crazy senpai who was in my math class and Natsu’s cousin as well as Takeru’s brother, and finally Natsu, no words needed. The eight of us sat at a round table. Yoku was on my right while Natsu was on my left and next to him was Shirou.

“Hey are those cut marks?” Natsu asked grabbing my left wrist.

“Oh you didn’t know? Yue cuts herself,” Shirou replied. Shirou and I went to elementary so he knew a few secrets about me.

“Use to,” I corrected shyly taking a sip on my vanilla smoothie.

“Why?” he asked. I stared at him and shrugged.

“Cause,” I shrugged a second time. “I just did. Not that you should care… you mocked me in class about it before,” I mumbled.

“Well, that’s because I didn’t think they were self-inflicted!” he exclaimed. “Damn it, I’m so sorry for being such an arrogant and thick headed bastard,” he apologized.

“No it’s fine,” I smiled.

“Hey, you’re not eating anything?” Shirou said in a questionable manner as I took another sip of my drink.

“Um yeah… not hungry,” I smiled with a small giggled.

“EAT!” Yoku yelled jokingly.

“I said I’m fine, god,” I sighed.

“If you say so,” Natsu chuckled. “Be right back,” he chimed going up to the counter to ask for something. I took a small piece of his food.

“Hey,” Shirou shouted with a small laugh.

“Oh, let her eat,” Yoku smirked. I smiled inwardly and took another tiny piece.

“Hey that’s my food!” Natsu whined plopping back into his seat. I jumped away shoving my hands into my pocket.

“I’m sorry,” I squealed.

“I’m just kidding; its fine here have some,” he pushed the bowl in front of me. I shook my head no and stared at the food. “I said eat,” he commanded teasingly pretending to feed me.

“I said I’m fine,” I pouted taking another sip of my smoothie. After a while of persisting I starting eating.

“So Natsu, how’re you?” Shirou asked.

“Fine, why?” Natsu laughed.

“Well you and Sakura broke up yesterday and we never got to meet her; what a shame,” Shirou sighed with a pout.

“You can’t blame me she lives in California,” Natsu smiled. “And yea I’m fine, I saw it coming,” he shrugged. “Hey Yue do you have a boyfriend?” he teased.

“Of course not,” I whined with a seldom sigh. “If I did I wouldn’t be here; or I mean I wouldn’t be sitting here,” I mumbled looking over at the table with my friends. Everybody laughed and so did I. Although it was awkward sitting at a table with people I barely knew it was fun.   

A week and a half later I confess to Natsu. He didn’t feel exactly the same but he was willing to try. Mikami strongly oppose to it. As Natsu’s best friend he advise me to confess after a month or so taking into consideration that him and his girlfriend broke up not too long ago. I agreed to it at first until Natsu kissed my scars and told me he cared about me and that I should stop or else he’d killed himself. So I confessed, we dated and all was happy. We’d hang out at the park with everyone else for hours almost every day. And now it’s been two weeks since we started dating.

I was very shy and timid at first. I did have experience dating other people in the past but the difference was that I didn’t really like any of them and they were a really close friend before we got together. I really liked Natsu but we weren’t very close. Natsu was kind to me, although he still had a habit of mocking me. Eventually I opened up to him, enabling me to be myself. We always held hands and hug each other good bye. Once he tried to teach me to play the ukulele, which I failed at. 

I stared at my phone unpleasantly. The only thing I knew about Sakura Yamato was that she lived in Okinawa, was a year older than I, and that she dated Natsu for three months. I logged onto my computer and sent a message to Mikami on our chat-room. Over the course of time Mikami and I became close friends; usually we gave love advice to one another.

[1:32pm] Yue Sakane> Hey Mi-chan can you tell me about Sakura

[1:32pm] Mikami Honji> I told you to stop calling me that T___T anyways, Sakura as in Sakura Yamato? Natsu’s ex?

[1:33pm] Yue Sakane> Yup her :/

[1:34pm] Mikami Honji> Well there’s not much to tell, I nvr met her, did something happened

[1:34pm] Yue Sakane> Kind of but it’s not important

[1:35pm] Mikami Honji> Well she broke up with him

[1:36pm] Yue Sakane> I meant when they were dating

[1:36pm] Mikami Honji> While they were still dating they texted and video chatted a lot

[1:37pm] Yue Sakane> is she pretty?

[1:37pm] Mikami Honji> judging from her pictures I assume so

[1:38pm] Yue Sakane> her pictures?

[1:41pm] Mikami Honji> yea I’ve seen pictures of her on her chat-room profile, as well as Natsu; here’s a link to her accounts: http://sakurasake.le***h*t*o***.com/user_profile/picture and here’s one for his: http://natsunohi.le***h*t*o***.com/user_profile/picture

[1:42pm] Yue Sakane> Thanks Mikami for not thinking I’m a crazy jealous bitch T____T but I feel like a stalker if I look through their pictures 

[1:43pm] Mikami Honji> No problem, but yea I agree with you I would feel like a stalker too if I looked through Setsuna’s pictures

[1:44pm] Yue Sakane> Has Natsu ever met her in real life?

[1:45pm] Mikami Honji> yea I think so… they have a couple of pictures of them together, although they don’t have very good qualities

[1:45pm] Yue Sakane> brb I’m gonna become a stalker and look through their pictures :/

[1:46pm] Mikami Honji> Lol ok, don’t feel too bad

I sighed as I clicked the links. I hated myself for feeling like a jealous idiot. It’s not that I didn’t trust Natsu, it’s just something felt wrong and I had to find out. Looking through the photos didn’t help. Sakura was extremely pretty. I felt even more suspicious. All of her pictures were either with herself or Natsu. I stopped. What the hell was I doing? I exit out of both windows and opened up the chat.

[2:01pm] Yue Sakane> back, thanks :/

[2:01pm] Mikami Honji> wb and np, found what you needed?

[2:02pm] Yue Sakane> yea, I guess, so you needed any help with your love life, Mi-Chan?

[2:03pm] Mikami Honji> Stop calling me that T____T

[2:03pm] Yue Sakane> Fine then ;P is Mika-Chin better~

[2:04pm] Mikami Honji> T_________T I don’t like you anymore

[2:05pm] Yue Sakane> I’m srry forgive me? x)

[2:05pm] Mikami Honji> Fine, I forgive you XP

[2:06pm] Yue Sakane> Thank you :3 anyways~ how ‘bout your love life?

[2:06pm] Mikami Honji> About that……… (Conversation continues) 

A month has passed and Natsu and I broke up. It was a mutual break up and we decided to remain as friends. He said if I still liked him when school started he was willing to give me a chance again. We acted as if the time we were together as a couple was actually us as friends. I didn’t really mind; as long as I was able to be around him I was happy.  

Occasionally Setsu, Mikami, and I would hack one another accounts and either chat with somebody and mess around with them or read their conversations with someone. Most of the time it was fun pranking other people especially if it was Hikari or Takeru. Once a random stranger from Bangladesh chatted with Sestu. Mi-Chan, Setsu, and I lied telling him we were 23 years old and lived in America. We said we were a part-time Japanese tutor and an architect. While on Mikami’s account my eyes caught onto a unpleasant conversation; about me.

----------Wed. Jul. 18th----------

[10:56pm] Mikami Honji> Hey I heard you and Yue broke up, you okay?

[10:56pm] Natsu Heiru> Yea I’m fine, it’s her I’m worry about :/

[10:57pm] Mikami Honji> Huh? How come? I thought it was a mutual break up?

[10:58pm] Natsu Heiru> Yea it was, but I was the one who suggested it

[10:58pm] Mikami Honji> But she agreed with it, right?

[10:58pm] Natsu Heiru>Yea but still…

        > Doesn’t mean it doesn’t make her sad :(

[10:59pm] Mikami Honji> I guess, she seemed fine when I asked her; anyways what’d you say to Sakura?

[11:00pm] Natsu Heiru> No… I was afraid that if I say yes Yue might find out and start cutting herself again :/ plus why should I get back with her when she was the one who broke up with me in the first place?

[11:02pm] Mikami Honji> Yea I think that’s for the best; but do you really think she would? I mea Yue, would she really cut herself again?

[11:02pm] Natsu Heiru> I do, is that bad?

[11:03pm] Mikami Honji> Kind of, don’t you have more faith in her? She not the type to get discourage so easily; especially if it because of some stupid boy

[11:04pm] Natsu Heiru> so mean, we’re talking about me you know T____T

[11:04pm] Mikami Honji> Lol sorry x)

[11:05pm] Natsu Heiru> To be honest I only agreed to date her because I felt bad for her; I was afraid that if I rejected her she would get all depress and all

[11:05pm] Mikami Honji> If Yue ever finds out she’s going to be sad

[11:06pm] Natsu Heiru> I kno :/ ……(conversation continues)

My stomach turned. I wasn’t sad, not sad at all. Instead I was angry; furious that Natsu thought that I would fall so low that I would even think about hurting myself. It’s been at least four days ago when they had this conversation. I sighed. What was the point of getting so work up for? I logged off of Mikami’s account and back to mines. Suddenly I got a message.

[12:28am] Natsu Heiru> Yo~ Why are you still awake? It’s midnight! Kids like you should be asleep ;)

[12:30am] Yue Sakane> Hey…

[12:30am] Natsu Heiru> You ok? Something bothering you?

[12:31am] Yue Sakane> Nope I’m fine~ just realizing how pathetic I really am lol :3

[12:31am] Natsu Heiru> That’s not true :O your not pathetic :(

[12:33am] Yue Sakane> Srry I’m not feeling so good right now :/

[12:33am] Natsu Heiru> What’s the matter? Wanna talk about it?

[12:35am] Yue Sakane> No it’s fine

[12:36am] Natsu Heiru> Tell me!!!!!!

                         > Tell me!!!

                         > Tell me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                         >TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME!!!

                         > TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME!!! TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME!!! TELL ME!!!!!!

                         > TELL ME!!! TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME!!! TELL ME!!!!!! TELL ME!!! TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME!!! TELL ME!!!!!! TELL ME!!! TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME!!! TELL ME!!!!!! TELL ME!!! TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME!!! TELL ME!!!!!! TELL ME!!! TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME!!! TELL ME!!!!!!

[12:39am] Yue Sakane> Fine then god!

      >Why’d you go out with me? I know you had no intentions to actually fall for me so tell me why?

[12:40am] Natsu Heiru> ………………

[12:40am] Yue Sakane> Nvm just ignore what I said, so how’s you?

[12:41am] Natsu Heiru> Why do you suddenly want to know? We broke up weeks ago

[12:41am] Yue Sakane> Just forget it, srry for popping it up

[12:41am] Natsu Heiru> No Im not going to forget, something is obviously bothering you

[12:42am] Yue Sakane> Is it true you only went out with me because you though I was going to cut myself if I got rejected?

[12:43am] Natsu Heiru> Where the hell did you here that from?

[12:43am] Yue Sakane> That doesn’t matter; what matters is if its true

[12:44am] Natsu Heiru> If it is?

[12:45am] Yue Sakane> I would feel stupid and in despair… actually I do right now

[12:46am] Natsu Heiru> No don’t, don’t let a stupid immature guy make you want to cut yourself, it’s not worth it, it nvr is

[12:50am] Yue Sakane> Don’t think you have the rights to tell me, do you really think that badly of me that I would continue cutting myself just because of some idiotic guy? Did you really think that I would go so low as to hurt myself just because I was heartbroken? Yea every now and then I get said and think about it but I’m not that stupid to ruin my life for a second time. I was waiting you for you to reject me so I could’ve moved on but you had to be the ‘nice guy’ and give me a chance. You had to make me feel loved when it was all pity. Look I was stupid enough to hurt myself in the first place but don’t think I would do so low as to do it again because of some ‘nice guy’

[12:51am] Natsu Heiru> I didn’t date you because of pity!

[12:51am] Yue Sakane> Oh is that so? Then why did you, why did you have to say yes?

[12:52am] Natsu Heiru> Because I’d actually liked you! Is that so hard to believe?

[12:54am] Yue Sakane> Yea, it is hard to believe

[12:54am] Natsu Heiru> Well it’s true, I liked you I really did but the more I got to know you I realize it wouldn’t work

[12:54am] Yue Sakane> Oh yes because I’m some kind of messed up creep

[12:55am] Natsu Heiru> No your not a creep! It’s because I realized I had to be there for you but as more than a lover, as a friend

[12:56am] Yue Sakane> A friend is more than a lover? How does that work? Isn’t it a lover who’s more than a friend?

[12:56am] Natsu Heiru> Who do you trust more Setsuna or me?

[12:56am] Yue Sakane> Setsuna… but that’s because she’s my best friend

[12:56am] Natsu Heiru> Mikami or me?

[12:57am] Yue Sakane> …Mikami

[1:00am] Natsu Heiru> My point taken! You trust your friends more than you trust me because they’re your best friends! So when I learned how hard your life was I decided I had to be there for you but not as a lover but as your friend, as your best friend. Anyways if we did stay together and we broke what would have happened? Would we still be friends who talked to each other about stupid and random things? No I didn’t think so that’s why I suggested we break up, you agreed to it I even said if you still liked me we could go out again, so tell me do you like me?

[1:02am] Yue Sakane> Not anymore, at least not more than a friend

[1:03am] Natsu Heiru> We still friends?

[1:03am] Yue Sakane> Of course! Srry about all this :/

[1:04am] Natsu Heiru> It’s fine~ but hey I’m always here for you when you need me, and one more thing…

[1:05am] Yue Sakane> Yea what is it?

[1:05am] Natsu Heiru> Go to sleep little lady it’s one in the morning!!!! >:|

[1:06am] Yue Sakane> Fine this is the only time I’m gonna listen to you, nighty-night~

[1:06am] Natsu Heiru> Goodnight stupid >:P

[1:06am] Yue Sakane> Night ugly ;P

[1:07am] Natsu Heiru> HOW DARE YOU CALL ME UGLY!!! I AM THE DEFINITION OF SEXY!!!!

[1:07am] Yue Sakane> Lies! Unless ugly and sexy are synonyms  XP

[1:08am] Natsu Heiru> AH! How dare you >:/ you sho mean T_____T

[1:08am] Yue Sakane> I kno I’m a jerk ;)

[1:08am] Natsu Heiru> Yea, you’re a bully!!!!! Lol go to sleep already~

[1:09am] Yue Sakane> Nope~ Not tired yet :3

[1:09am] Natsu Heiru> You sure~ I think you are ;)

[1:10am] Yue Sakane> Maybe a little XP

[1:10am] Natsu Heiru> Then go to sleep!!!

[1:47am] Natsu Heiru> Hey did you fall asleep on me? Liar you said you weren’t tired ;P

                       > You could’ve said goodnight >:(

                       > Well at least you fell asleep, goodnight~

[3:12am] Natsu Heiru> I can’t sleep x___________x   

In November of the same year Hikari, Takeru, Ryuu- Takeru’s, Shirou’s, and Natsu’s cousin (they have such a big family) - and I went out for sushi. Hikari lived nearby a small sushi bar, where we occasionally hanged out at. Originally, it was only me, Hikari, and Setsuna, but after Takeru and Hikari started getting more serious they started going out on dates there. They once invited me to go with them. I, not wanting to be a third wheel, refused. Ryuu, who was an acquaintance if not a stranger at the time, agreed to tag along if I wanted to go.

So the four of us went and we had fun. We had a buddy like system in which we split into two groups switching off ‘partners’ as often as we pleased. Although I wasn’t close with Ryuu to start with we became close friends after the meal. We stayed at Hikari’s house for a while; telling jokes and each other’s secrets.

“It’s getting late,” I mumbled checking my phone.

“Really, what time is it?” Ryuu asked leaning closer to my phone. “It’s only 6:40, it’s not that late!” he exclaimed sitting up straight again.

“Well we have to walk home,” I shrugged. “It’s already kind of dark; by the time I get home it’ll be pitch black.

“I live farther than you though,” he replied.

“Aren’t you going to my place?” Takeru asked.

“Oh yeah, your right,” he mumbled. “So whatever, we should stay till seven or something,” he complained not wanting to go home. I frowned.

“It’ll be too dark to walk home. Plus I don’t want to walk so far alone in the dark,” I pouted.

“My dad drive you guys home!” Hikari chimed.

“Wouldn’t that be weird?” I replied nudging my head over towards Takeru.

“Nope it won’t,” he smiled giving his usual nervous chuckle. “I’ve already met him at Hikari’s volleyball game,” he added.

“Okay then what about him?” I pointed to Ryuu who simply shrugged.

“I don’t care much, it beats walking, plus we can stay longer,” he grinned happily. I sighed.

“Well, I have to be home before 7, no later than 7:20,” I sighed. The four of us rise from our seats and head outside to Hikari’s father, who was trying to fix the front porch light.

“Hey Dad, can you drop my friends off my friends?” Hikari asked innocently.

“Yeah, of course, just let me finish fixing this light. We agreed and decided to just hang out in the front as we waited. Our conversations jumped around from sushi to buying gifts, from sock monkey to chocolate, and finally to Natsu and Sakura.

“I don’t think she’s real,” Ryuu replied honestly wrapping his hands behind his head.

“What why not?” Hikari asked a bit surprise.

“I don’t know she just doesn’t seem real to me,” he answered with a shrugged. “You can even check all of her accounts for anything it’s suspicious,” he added.

“Let me check,” she replied pulling out her phone searching up for Sakura’s account. “Oh my god your right!” she exclaimed.

“So Natsu made a fake account and pretend he was dating the person?” Takeru asked.

“Yup seems so I mean look at it!” Hikari exclaimed tilting the screen so we could see the web page. “Look all her friends go to our school, and she’s supposed to live in…”

“Okinawa,” I said finishing her sentence.

“Yeah, there we go! And look here; it says she lives in Tokyo,” Hikari squealed pointing it out.

“Check her photo’s too,” Ryuu shouted clicking the photo icon.

“They’re only of her or with Natsu on some kind of webcam thing,” I sighed already knowing what was there.

“Wait here’s one of them together,” Takeru said clicking the photo.

“That’s not him!!!” Ryuu exclaimed as he looked at the photo. “The quality is so bad, too, god,” he complained.

“She’s fake,” I laughed. “Oh my god,” I shook my head in disbelief.

“How can she be fake; I texted her!” Hikari exclaimed. “Yeah her account is suspicious and all but that doesn’t me the girl was fake,” she reasoned.

“Wait a second you texted her?” Ryuu said his voice emphasizing the word texted.

“Yeah on Natsu’s phone, why?” she replied.

“That proves she’s fake,” I mumble finally realizing it. “She doesn’t live near us, so why would she have his phone?” I asked shaking my head.

“This girl really is fake,” Hikari shouted.

“So he was never dating Sakura?” Takeru asked.

“No, there was never a girl name Sakura at all!” I exclaimed. “This account was fake! This girl probably wasn’t even really either. He was never dating anyone for those three months,” I sighed shaking my head.

“Why do you sound mad?” Hikari asked.

“Isn’t it obvious? He pretended to be Sakura this whole time; he lied to me, he lied to all of us,” I sighed.

“She can’t be fake though,” Hikari whispered.

“How come?” Ryuu asked grabbing her phone. “Every single thing about her seems fake,”

“But that’s the account that’s fake. She real,” she mumbled. “I can prove it,” she replied.

“Really? How?” Takeru asked.

“Himura talked to her on the phone,” she replied.

“Wait what?” Ryuu and I exclaimed.

“Yeah, he did. It was sometime in May last year if I remember correctly,” she added. I blinked in surprise.

“It’s a lie,” I whispered. “He did talk to a girl but it wasn’t Sakura,” I sighed. “Maybe it was a girl name Sakura who he was friends with but he wasn’t dating her,” I mumbled.

“Why do you think that?” Takeru asked.

“Because… why would he need to make a fake account if he was actually dating somebody? Why would he lie to me that he was Sakura? Why would any of us need to raise suspicion on whether she’s real or fake?” I reasoned.

“Yea but Himura talked to her!” Hikari exclaimed. “Haruka-neesan said that he was on the phone with her!”

“Yue already said it was somebody else. They could have the same name and not know of the fake identity or they could’ve been in on it too,” Ryuu shrugged.

“What a jerk!” she pouted looking down on her phone again. “We should confront him about this,” she suggested.

“I vote we shouldn’t,” I replied.

“Why not?” Takeru asked. “It’s not like I’m for it too but that’s because he’s my cousins,” he added.

“Well, because,” I shrugged. “He’s a good lair for not having anyone notice till now. Plus…” I paused. “He probably has a reason for doing so; whether a good one or not,” I replied.

“Alright kids, let’s go,” Hikari’s dad said descending from his place on the latter. The five of us got into the car and drove back to or house. I was the first to return home.

“Okaeri, Yue-nee,” Chiru, my little sister, welcomed. “Oneechan is upstairs,” she added.

“Alright, thanks,” I sighed jogging up the stairs.

The following week Ryuu, Takeru, Hikari, Setsuna, and I were the only one who knew about the ‘fake account’. Although I say we were the ‘only one’ who knew there were bound to be several other people who were suspicious. Every few weeks I would look at ‘Sakura’s’ account. She hasn’t been on since a week after her and Natsu broke up. I sighed at myself. Was I so pathetic as to get worked up over something in the past?    

A few months has pass since I learn about the real Sakura Yamato. I felt stupid and thought about the conversation I had with ‘her’. Suddenly I realize something I didn’t think of. If I had replied differently to Sakura/Natsu would we still be together? I shook my head. I shouldn’t be reminiscing about something I no longer want.   

I woke up from the sound of my phone’s ringtone. I sat up sighing and grabbed it staring down at the screen. I had a text from Natsu. I opened the message and stared reading. You want to go to the movies? I stared down at my phone startled.

Why and with whom? I asked

Cause it’s for Mikami’s surprise birthday party x3 ask Setsuna, Hikari, Takeru, and Ryuu if they want to go~ he replied.

Alright then I’ll see if I can go :3 why can’t you asked them? I typed tiredly

I don’t go to school with them XP plus you’re closer to them then I am! I read his complaint while rubbing my eyes.

But Takeru and Ryuu’s your cousin -____-‘I sighed laying back down.

I kno we get along but your closer to them so you ask!!!! He reasoned.

Fine then~ is anybody from your grade going? I asked rubbing my eyes.

Yea, Shirou, Hakura, Rin, Himura, Inari, Yoshino, Matsuri, and some others, he listed.

Ok, what movie?

About that… idk yet XD I kno it’s probably the most important thing but it’s hard to choose~ he replied. “Pathetic,” I sighed.

Lol well hurry up and pick one ;P I’m gonna go to sleep now night~ I replied with a small smiled.

Fine then leave!! T____T haha jk goodnight ;) he replied. I placed my phone next to me and fell back to sleep.

A week later we headed to the movies. Sadly I was the only person of my age there. Setsuna had gotten in trouble, while Hikari had a volleyball tournament. Since Shirou didn’t go- he was on a date with his ‘soon-to-be-girlfriend’- Takeru wasn’t allowed either. Ryuu decided to hang out with his ‘person of interest’ who sadly was already with someone else. To be honest, not many people showed up at all. It was only me, Natsu, Mikami, Rin, Himura, Inari, and Yoshino. Matsuri was too lazy to walk to our school; she went to a private school, and Haruka had to go to her sister’s game. The movie was an animation which was cutely sad. It was nice to be around Mikami and Natsu again, for we were all busy with our finals for the past month or so.

After the movie ended we decided to hangout in the lobby till our ride came to take us home. Sadly I had to walk back home since I told my parents I would be at my friend’s house for the party. The guys offered to walk me home but it made me feel kind of guilty forcing them to walk me back even though they themselves lived pretty far. Eventually I got a ride from Mikami.

While waiting for Mikami’s mom Natsu found a pocket knife Setsuna gave me for Christmas (we both have a weird obsession with knives). He asked about it and I explained why I had it with me and so on. When he questioned if I still cut my I said no. He stared at me and asked when was the last time I did. I shrugged and replied in October. He hugged me and told me I was stupid. Honestly it made me happy. Before we departed Yoshino and Natsu gave me their left-over candy, which I enjoyed dearly.   

It’s been a year now since Natsu and I broke up. I soon came to realize that he was right; friendship meant more than love between the two of us. Over the course of time I discovered things that should’ve been kept as secrets. Although our relationship didn’t change much from the time we became friends, we as people change excessively. He no longer mocked people for things he didn’t know or understand, while I learned to be more outgoing and appreciate life, and myself, as it is. There are still moments when I think of hurting myself but those are the times when I run to him.

Life went on and we’ve grown apart but from time to time we talk and chat. There was only one conversation, out of so many, which we never spoke of. That was about him. Never not once did he ever mention his personally life. He would answer about himself in a broad way, but never in detail of depth. It was always a simple ‘good’, ‘ok’, ‘fine’, ‘lonely’, and so on. Whenever I asked more about him he’d shut me down. I know he doesn’t trust me very much, but maybe it’s good enough that he cares.

I, myself, told him things I can’t tell others, not Setsuna or Mikami. But there are secrets I keep from everybody; the ones I keep inside. Now you who are reading this will know two of them. First, I realize what it means when the heart says “I’m in love.” And second…



I’m still in love with the guy name Natsu Heiru.