Witness to withness #65

Witness to Withness

February 10, 2013

  It’s been about four weeks since my last entry.  A lot has happened. This is the hardest entry to write, so bear with me.  On February 3rd on a Friday, while doing my security guard duties at the Kansas City Kemper Arena, I lost the master keys.  The last time I remember having them was locking Gate A at around 8pm. I took a forty-five minute lunch and then went out on a golf cart for all of fifteen minutes checking to see if the gates were all locked in the various parking lots. Between nine and ten-thirty I was watching a basketball game on ESPN. It was the Lakers against Minnesota. My relief  person came at ten-thirty.  I went through my pockets and the keys were gone.  From there ensued all manner of disconnection within.  It was anything but in a state of “withness”.  I searched for what seemed like an eternity and had others who searched with me giving me all kinds of advice along the way. I searched for those keys a total of thirty hours. I was desperate. I knew losing those keys would potentially lose me my job.  Eight of those hour were off the clock. The security company told me that I could not go home until the keys were found. I spent seven frantic hours looking, slept an hour and was back to work for my 7am to 3pm shift. At one point I thought I was going to lose it mentally and emotionally and called a crisis center.  I am not sure I have ever known as much hurt and humiliation.

  I am writing this, so that you with me can know we are not alone even if we feel it inside.  On Wednesday, February 6th I was terminated.  They let me know it was nothing personal. Everyone was angry at the fact the keys were lost. It was all about business. They appreciated my work ethic but, because of the lost keys and some other things that happened, (which you can read about elsewhere in my essay), I was toast.  It has taken a while to digest everything that has happened. I have been close to numb and in a lousy mood for most of the week.  I have sought escape in a writing site that I enjoy.  I have worked out, been counseled by a therapist, and cancelled all manner of appointments. It was as if my life came to an end. I have come to several conclusions: I have been hurt long enough by a job that I thought was keeping me safe.  After countless hours of stewing and being constantly chastised by my agency, co-workers and clients. I am sure that God knows where those keys are and in their place he gives me the keys to the kingdom keys for me. The next chapter is yet to be written.