Cold Days

Cold Days

You called today on one of your ' Official Visits ' to our home.
Long after tempers had been silenced, and passions long spent.
You insisted that I must now leave this special place,
I kissed the lipstick traces on your cup when you had gone.

Throughout your stay I wanted just to hold you,
To tell you that despite all, my hatred was in check.
You told me I must simply now surrender,
I just wanted you to say that I could stay.

But as I closed my door the clock was counting,
Too soon such simple daily actions would be gone.
So I walked into our garden, joined our plants,
Told them I would not see or smell them bloom again.

I think I had already gone when you took our Son away.
When all that remained were cold and silence.
As all those familiar sounds and memories,
Had forever vanished from my days.

I leave my stain on all things here, to linger on when I am gone.
You may just recognise my smell some dark cold night,
As your guilty, lonely tears drench our pillows,
Still soaking wet from mine.

I had loved you so much in your absence,
And gained false hope from all things touched by you.
You failed to understand how only you could comfort,
This empty broken heart without a home.

I would soon be knocking on my own front door,
To enter as a guest, a place vacuumed of me.
To no longer build those fires to give you warmth.
My home where I once roamed freely, naked in the night.

Neil Marsden.