Travelling man

We stopped that day by the side of the road and looked at each other. It was by far the most ridiculous and possible unsafe thing that we had ever done. A hitchhiker seemed to be a reasonable choice for a road companion as we travelled throughout the country. Non threatening and small, we thought that worst case scenario one of us would be able to take him down. One of us being a 5 foot 3 inch woman.
Behind us we could hear footsteps running down the pavement towards us slopping in the rain. Every step sounding like he was walking deeper and deeper in to a lake. You got room for me buddy, he asked gruffly. We sure did. His piercing blue eyes caught my attention right away and i tried hard not to stare as my husband looked at me sideways, daring me to keep staring at this stranger.

He hopped in. A leap of faith. This man was putting the trust in us now. His life in our hands, strangers. But life on the road was never lonely if one found the right travelling mates. And as we talked, each mile clicking past and towns going by like we were on a carnival ride I realized we were all one in this car. His smile meeting our words and intently listening our passenger sat in the back seat and allowed us to tell story after story.
How we met, the first time I met my husbands' parents, our first apartment...It all came out and he countered with tales of family and love. Of the relationship that he and his mother shared. He needed to stop in the next town to call her. At a gas station if we could. Of course we could. Family is important to us, the most important.
We wanted a large family. After 2 years of marriage and 2 years of trying for babies we gave up. No baby and this road trip. This road trip was going to be a big part of our life. A milestone that neither of us could wait for. The anticipation was almost too much. And now it was hear. Exploring the countryside together for the first time. No jobs, no worries, just each other.
Our passenger listened intently as we talked about all the places we would go. Noticing the gas station up ahead made me stop talking. Time to refuel both motor vehicle and body. Snack time all around. Husband and I offered to buy drinks and our guest graciously accepted. He bought the chips and paid for them before us as we searched and decided on slushies for everyone!! Green apple, Sour blue raspberry and lime.. mmm....

The interior of the car was already starting to heat up from 10 minutes without air conditioning. I could smell the interior vinyl seats heating up. The smell they leached so toxic and so soothing. We couldn't wait to get back to our cool oasis though. The hitcher man came out of the bathroom and joined us to continue the ride. Conversation turned to his destination. Where were we taking him?
He really had no idea where to go. I could tell by the way that he talked about the unimportance of it all he had been running away from something terrible. No matter how loving he spoke about his family and about his mother he still was hiding something. Maybe with some weed he would reveal a bit.
I pulled out a dime bag of some kush that I picked up at the beginning of our journey and grabbed the one rolled joint that was inside. His eyes lit up like a child on Christmas morning, excited and eager to devour it all. I gave him the honours of the first toke and watched as his body relaxed and he slumped down just a tad as he lit the tip and inhaled deeply. Weed took away pains and thoughts better than any little pill. Just a tad and then it was set. Thoughts were flowing from our travellers tongue and we listened and agreed, nodding appropriately as we passed around the joint.
Coming home one night he heard a noise in his bathroom. His girlfriend was gone for the evening and her car was not yet in the driveway. There was an intruder and he armed himself with a kitchen knife just incase there was any funny business as he started down the hallway. Rounding the corner he could still hear the noise in the bathroom and with his hand on the door knob he slowly, carefully turned it to reveal the intruder. Instead the knob turned against his palm and the door was jerked open from the inside. instinctually he moved forward and his knife was thrust into flesh. Looking up he realized very quickly that he was so very wrong. He looked into those eyes. At that moment he had destroyed the only person that he would do anything for. His love, his life and all the support that his family gave him would not be enough to live with this. He hated himelf and this trip. It was a trip of goodbyes. Once the trip completed it would be his end.
He was never charged with murder but was the target of the investigation. The police determined that it was unintentional and they were not willling to press charges.

He cried as he told us how he only learned a few days later what had really happened. His girlfriends car had died on her and it was sitting in the garage where it was towed the nighht she died. He never went to get it. Left ot there behiind like his old life. He was a shell of a man at this point. Eyes red and swollen and tears and snot dripping down his face to be wiped off ocassionally by a sleev or the back of his hand.

I wept with him, telling him that I could never imagine. He was mourning the loss of his one love while we were mourning the loss of a child we never even had. I felt ridiculous for wasting my tears on a thought while this was so much worse. I crawled over the from seat into the back and whisked this weeping man child into my arms and I held him while he cried. He wept.

It was time. Do you want the pain to go away. The misery and the hurt. It will all be gone soon, Just say yes. Yes was the response. Yes, yes make it go away. I looked at the rear view and saw the look in my husbands eyes. I leaned in.
And so it was in that moment he had no more sadness, no more pain. There was no fight left in him. I expected some form of hesitation or resistance.


Sometimes they surprise me. It is almost as if they are waiting for me. Waiting for release. Some of them we kept. They lived all over the country waiting for us to come back to the. but him, we had to let him go. He needed the release. Now he had it. We stopped on the side of the road, opened the back door and rolled our traveller into the ditch. No one saw us and no one would see him for at least a few weeks depending on how hungry the forest creatures were.

His body, his hurt, his pain and his memory would float into the abyss.