What happened?

To XXXXXXX

(please read everything)





To hear one’s soft voice, quiet and sweet

the gentle touch of one’s hands, so calming and meek

a pitter-patter of eyes, alluring with every move

the perfect complexion, so clear and smooth

the crossing of your legs, with your short-shorts on

the sway of your hips, I have desired for so long

your beautiful voice, who I have loved to hear

occasional squeals, so laughed at with tears

knees bent inward, a feature we share

the slender, slim body, who I love to hold near

long, fragrant hair, with unique warmth and smell

pencil between your teeth, a habit you do

converse high-tops, a shoe I wear too

glasses sitting so carefully, framing your gorgeous face

the wonderful eyes underneath, brown, beautiful, full of grace

your gentle eyelashes, fluttering as I go by

the dark, brown eyes which to see it, I would die

your tightly pursed lips, while you attempt to smile

the hilarious words, when you’re in denial

the long, smooth legs, which are wonderful to touch

the shy face, when I stare too much

sweet, flawless lips when I kiss you so

the little jump you do, when in your ear I blow

small, slim hands which fit my hands just perfect

giving my jacket to you when it’s cold is oh so worth it

the phone calls we have, the promises we make

all to be awoken to in dreadful create

it comes tumbling down, the falling everlasting

the pain real, the depression demanding

the neglect by both me and you

talk to me, why couldn’t you?

what is the problem you couldn’t tell anyone?

the very thing which I became shunned?

why, oh dear why couldn’t you have told me?

to fix our problems, together we must pay the fee

we even said the sacred words, the I love you

did you mean it, when you said it was true?

the plans we made, the future we planned

the very thing which because non-existent then

to err is human, to forgive is divine

and yet I whole-heartedly forgive you, yet I cannot see why

I felt so betrayed, so completely left alone

why can I forgive those long nights with sleeplessness and moans?

after all this, after all you’ve put me through

why is it that I still love you?

I meant the words I have said, and I said the words I meant

but yet, I still have so much repent

you said you meant your words, the sacred three words

but what evidence do you have that you meant those words?

the three sacred words, the I love you

you said them to me, and I think I hold them true

I do not know if I do, but yet I feel like it

that we still have a chance, broken, but soon to be fixed

we’ve spent seven months together, along with twenty days

to have that all gone in seconds, can’t you see my pain?

I do not see how you feel every day

I do not know if this has affected you in any way

the distance between me and you, is close yet worlds apart

how could we have gone from the loving relationship into depart?

alas, I knew this was going to be, and I knew like this it was to be

those doubts you had about us, has turned this into reality

my biggest fears, my nightmares, and my fears-to-be

were all connected to this, can’t you see?

the nights you have hinted it are the nights that I have cried

you comforted me, but yet doubts still arise

the day I put your hand on my heart was the day I called you mine

the only girl I would trust with my heart, over time

we grew apart, and I desperately tried to stop it

but it was soon over, and we are completely split

I still admire you, dream about you, and think about you every day

but I have a feeling they would never be returned to my dismay

we promised not to hold secrets, and I admit I haven’t really kept

I told you I had no insecurities, but yet I have one

one single, what I deemed to be insignificant

something no one knows, hears, experienced

I am insecure about dating, and dating itself

my thoughts can’t get through it through the many times I have tried

you don’t mind if I’m touchy or near other girls, or so I say

but I get jealous often, for fear of losing you

my dream girl, whom I’ve stayed with as long as I possibly can

the times I felt so hurt, are a lot to say

say that time when I offered you a piggy back, but you rejected it

this alone wouldn’t have been so bad, but yet

I see you on another guy’s back, having the time of your life

on that very day, I felt like I no longer was your boyfriend

that I was treated same as everyone else

that I wasn’t considered special to you.

to the girl that I had come to love

I stayed back, not wanting much contact from you

and later you tell me that I’ve been all emo-loner for the day

just because I wanted to be alone, away from you

and yet at the same time, with you

it makes no sense

yet it makes sense

love’s confusing that way.

or about that time where I was full of joy

you had accepted to be my girlfriend, and we went on the field trip

making clay pots was a blast, but the only thing that irked me was

when you said you wanted Sherlock as your boyfriend, because, because, because.

you spoke about how perfect he was, and how amazing he is

whilst I was right beside you, hearing every. Single. Word.

the very thought that you would want to replace me is heart sickening

I should have known from that point on that we would be like this

but yet, I felt like I wanted to stay

I still wanted a chance with you, so I guess I was a reacher

though I know I was, you still stuck with me

with you I was literally the happiest guy alive

but yet I was also the saddest

because I knew deep inside that we were not going to last

with every passing day it didn’t grow deeper

yet my heart grew fonder

soon the feeling of doubt went away

and I made my first move

I kissed you, in front of the lockers across from the stairs

that very day I had fell in love with you.

“why?” you may ask, and to be honest I did not know

I just felt myself with you, like I had no secrets

I was an open book to you, and that was that

but now that I look back, you haven’t shown me very much affection

except for the beginning of our small journey in a relationship

as a couple

when you were my clingy girlfriend.

to be honest I loved the clingy part

probably to just feed my insecurity

but I loved the affection that came with it

it faded quickly though, but I did not mind

as I still had you and that was plenty enough for me.

I have spoken to friends about you, how you make me happy

and I had to hold myself back just to not talk forever

I could really go on forever on why I like you

but yet, I put our entire relationship on this

A poem.

What about that time when we were on the bus?

you had promised to sit next to me on the way back

I knew you didn’t like sitting with my friends

and I thought you knew I wanted to be alone with you and just you

but apparently not

I sat between our two groups of friends

alone, by myself, because you promised you would come soon

when you do come, what do I get?

“lets sit in the back with my friends”

not exact words, but what I heard in my brain

I was saddened that I had tried to compromise

but yet it was to no avail

I said that you could sit in the back instead of sitting next to me

and you did.

right after

I started crying.

I don’t know why as I never cry in school times

I just knew for sure we had grown apart

that this wouldn’t work

soon after you came to sit with me after hearing that I was crying

and after everything was over, you told me that you were actually angry at me because of that

for something I couldn’t help

for the wrong reasons which I had explained

but still, it hurt a lot.

we sat together anyway, but mostly in silence

I dislike crying but yet you have made me cry twice

the two times I have ever cried in grade eight

I have cried because of a girl

a girl I love.

I don’t get why, but I can’t help it

it’s because deep down, I actually cry a lot

I make jokes about being a man and braving weather and never crying and all that

just so no one would even suspect me of crying

but yet, I have cried,

and once for everyone to see

because of you, a girl whom I love.

You broke up with me September 26th, 2012

that’s seven months twenty days

which is a long time.

part of me won’t accept that we’ve broken up

and that same part still feels we should be together

the only thing that has changed part of me

is when you told me

you liked to think that we never met.

those were the most heart-crushing words I have ever heard

it made me angry, sad, depressed, and even bi-polar a bit

but even so, the part that loves you

always wins over.

I have always questioned if you actually meant it when you said

the sacred three words

and honestly, I’m still not sure

as I am not you and thus I can never know

but the only thing I can do is listen when you say and said those words.

if you ever say them again.

if I ever hear them again.

I don’t care if I’m only fourteen

or that I’m too young to get what it means

I know what it means

not in words, but instead I can feel it

I know when I am in love, even though I have never felt it before

strange huh?

but yet, after this large whirlwind of drama

I still love you.

I really still love you.

I miss the times when we would hold hands and you would lean your head on my shoulder

I miss when I would blow into your ear and you would jump. Oh god I do miss that.

but what I really missed

was you.

even though we wouldn’t last forever

even though we broke up

and the reason is still unknown to me

but honestly, I don’t care at this point

the I just care about you

if the reason is something really secret, I’m sorry for pushing you to tell me

but I want to look past that now

I just want us to restart everything

I would give anything just to have a second chance

I just don’t know why I like you so much

perhaps it’s how you cross your legs

or how you look away when I’m staring at you

but all I want is a fresh, new start

when we just made small romantic gestures

and slight pecks on the cheek

holding hands while walking

one where I am not ignored

one where we are back to normal like usual

where we are just enjoying each other’s company

just the simple stuff



I’m so sorry I wrote this out, but it’s because I can’t get everything I want to say in the short time we would have had.



please don’t take this in a clingy, stalker-ish way



but XXXXXXX XXX,



I love you.