SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHT - A LETTER

My dearest brother Jonathan

It is nearly fifteen years since I chose you to be my brother, lifelong friend and carer, and I have enjoyed every minute of my life with you. I am especially grateful to you for playing with me in the late hours of the night and early hours of the morning, when you would rather be sleeping. I love you with all my heart, but feel I must set the record straight, as follows:

As a cat, I make my own decisions and shall continue to do exactly what I desire to do. No amount of cajoling, pleading or threatening will deter me.

I must point out to you that in addition to being infinitely smarter than you, I am fully entitled to trip you at night when you go to the bathroom (if I can see you, why can't you see me?), scratch you till you bleed when we play (I can't help it if you don't have any fur to protect yourself) find my way into the kitchen by whichever manner I choose, and get the BEST pickings of the day. (From whose plate I eat is my choice.)

Remember when I was little ..... you encouraged me to jump onto your bed. YOU set the example and, if I so wish, I WILL sleep in your bed. The couch is quite good enough for you, since you are still young.
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As for Veronica, I know how to handle her. She's not welcome in my house, so I have ways and means of keeping her away: I have hidden the antihistamines that your mother used to give her before she entered the house. I'm pleased that Veronica is allergic to me. Now she gets only as far as the front door. When she brings flowers for Christmas and birthdays, I take extra delight in biting off the petals.
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Your very loving brother

Lynx