Aubrey's a sixteen yea old girl who is abused by her father and starts cutting |
Why did this have to happen to me? I asked myself when they rolled my mother out of my house and into the ambulance. I had just come home from my guitar lesson and here they were the cops, the ambulance everything. I thought finally, the cops were called my mom doesn't have to suffer his anger anymore. The multiple hits, bruises, and cuts on her arms and legs will never have to be endured again. This is not what I meant. The next day I found out my mother had hung herself while I was at my lesson. She couldn't stand the physical and emotional abuse. Her death was where my nightmare began. My name’s Aubrey and I’m sixteen. I have black/red hair and my boyfriend says I wear way to much black eyeliner but, I really don’t care. I’m extremely skinny but I don’t have some eating disorder just an extremely fast metabolism. When I was fourteen I got my tongue pierced and both my ears all the way up. I live in the city that never sleeps. This is of course New York City. I’m also a musician, been playing guitar since I was nine and loved it ever since. My boyfriends name is Rider. He’s seventeen and a senior. Honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me. He has black hair that he always spikes up and he can be very poetic. He helps me write lyrics. Then there’s my best friend Caitlin, who we all call Cat. She’s been my best friend since we were about three. I don’t know what I would do without her. She has reddish purple hair and she too wears a lot of eyeliner. She’s an artist. Last but not least, every story needs a villain. In this story that would be my father, Jeffery. He has a drinking problem so when he gets mad he gets mad. For years he’s been abusing my mom. Now that she’s gone I’m his new target. It all started the night I was at my boyfriend Rider’s apartment. If you’re wondering how a seventeen year old has an apartment? Well I’ll tell you, When he was about fifteen he got into some legal trouble and his parents kicked him out, but that’s beside the point. Anyway, I was over there working on a song when there was a knock on the door. I of course thought it was my friend Cat, but no. It was my dad and it was clear he had been drinking. When I opened the door he said,” I've been looking all over for you brat. Oh of course your with your excuse of a boyfriend, well play times over”, and grabs my by the arm really hard. I said, “Get your hands off me. You've been drinking and I’m not going home with you, LET ME GO!” All he did was pull harder. Rider, getting really mad now, said,” GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER!” , and tried to reach me. My fathers of course just punched him and dragged me down the hallway. When we got home he threw me up against a wall and started banging my head on it saying, “You little brat, you little brat you’re the reason for your mother’s death not me you. You’re a good for nothing piece of garbage who I never wanted anyway.”, and with that he punched me right in the face and broke my nose. He then picked me up and threw me into my room and slammed the door as he left to get drunk. That night is when I found my new love and my new best friend. I’d like you to meet the razor. That night I slit my wrist about four times. I never knew hurting yourself this way would actually make you feel good, almost complete. When I knew he was finally gone I changed into sweats and an old Bon Jovi shirt and started blasting My Chemical Romance on my iPod. All of a sudden Gerard Way started sing,” I am not afraid to keep on living. I am not afraid to walk this world alone”, and everything seemed alright and peaceful. I fell asleep to Gerard’s sweet voice blasting in my ears. This went on for a long time. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months. It never stopped. The more it went on the deeper I cut with my friend the blade. I stopped going to guitar lessons, stopped hanging out with Cat, saw my boyfriend but he thought I was becoming distant. I guess that’s true because all I really cared about was when I would make the new incision on my skin. The scars looked like tattoos of brown lines. There were so many that I don’t even know when all of them were done. My life was becoming a seeping black hole until the night I almost died. It has officially been a year since all this craziness started. I am now seventeen and I was in my room listening to my mix of My Chem. and Three Days Grace when my dad barges through my door. He is drunk out of his mind again when all of a sudden he grabs me by my shirt. He says,” You stole it didn't you, you little good for nothing thief. What, did your little boyfriend need some cash for that piece of junk he calls an apartment. Or did u need money for this devil sent music you listen to.” I try to answer but he interrupts my babbling. “TELL ME NOW!!!!!!” In between sobs I say, “No I didn't steal your money, I didn't take anything”. Then he hits me so hard in the side of the head that I see stars. “Now you’re deciding to lie! Tell the truth for once Aubrey! Tell me the truth! Stop being a baby and tell the god dame truth for once!” As he’s screaming he’s punching me in the face and kicking me in the ribs and slamming me up against walls. All of a sudden he has his hand on my throat. He’s squeezing and it’s getting hard to breath. He just keeps yelling, “You lying brat. I’m going to kill you just like your weak moron of a mother”. My father’s voice gets drowned out by the lead singer of Three days grace sing, “Pain without love. Pain can’t get enough. Pain I like it rough cuz I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all”. Then everything goes black. Two days later I wake up in a hospital room. I hear the beeping of the monitors and the quite tones of the nurses and doctors. I see it’s nighttime from the moonlight coming through my room. Rider is sitting in a chair next to me. He’s asleep but it looks like he’s been crying. I look at my arms with all the IV’s and needles sticking out. I also see all those scars and cuts I was once so happy to have and shame comes over me. All of a sudden Cat comes in and she sees that I’m awake. “Welcome back”, she whispers trying not to wake my boyfriend in his adorable sleep session. “What happened”, I asked because I was a little hazy on events that have been taking place while I was out. “Well let’s see, your dad practically choked you to death and we just found out you’ve been cutting yourself”, she stated kind of harshly. “Oh”, I said quietly. Then it all came back to me my dad screaming him punching kicking and throwing me up against walls. I remembered it all. “So, what happened to that monster I live with”, I said in all seriousness. Until that man was out of my life for good I’d always be afraid of him. “Well there’s actually good news with that.” All of a sudden Rider woke up and he looked like he’d seen a ghost. “Hey you’re up”, he said as sweetly as he could without sounding like he was going to cry. “As I was saying,” Cat continued, “your dad got arrested and was found guilty on the grounds of attempted murder” “Attempted murder”, I said sounding shocked. “Yeah”, Rider said, “So he’ll never hurt you again”. “That sounds nice. It’s finally over”, I said relieved. “Yep now it’s just us”, and he leaned over and gave me the best kiss ever. It was better than any kiss he’d ever given me before. “But there’s one thing you should know”, Cat said ruining me and Rider’s romantic moment. “Once you’re strong again you have to go and get help.” “For”, I said obviously confused. “For this addiction you have with cutting. Aubrey it’s not healthy. This could kill you Aubrey just as easily as your dad could have.” “I don’t have a problem”, I said defensively. “I can stop it anytime I want. I just like the feeling the rush. I don’t need help.” “Babe”, Rider said trying to hide the worry in his voice. “We all know how strong you are. We don’t doubt that. We just think you need to talk to someone and we’ll even go with you as support”. “I don’t need help!” I shot back defensively. “Please Aubrey, if not for yourself do it for me for your mom. You know she wouldn't want you going out like that. I love you”, Rider was on the verge of tears. I could see I was hurting him and he was right. “Fine, I’ll see the stupid therapist.” “Thank you”, Rider and Cat said in unison. After about a week they said that I was strong enough to leave. The only problem was I had nowhere to live. I found out yesterday that my dad sold our house and I have refused to go live with a foster family till I was eighteen. All of a sudden a tall black haired man walked with a bouquet of flowers and a huge teddy bear. When he put it all down there was the man who cared about me more than anyone, Rider. “Hey babe ready to go home”, he said sounding all excited, “I would if I knew where home was. You know my dad sold my house before he got sent to jail and anyway it’s not like I can work, pay for an apartment myself, keep up with my music, go to therapy, and school. Plus I don’t have a car.” I said all in one breathe. “Calm down okay. I have it all worked out. Just get dressed I’ll sign you out and we’ll start a new adventure.” A new adventure, I thought that sounds nice. So I got dressed signed out and got into Rider’s amazingly familiar black Cadillac and we started our new adventure. We drove for what seemed like forever but, with him I could drive forever and not care. We were in what looked like a cute little neighborhood that I’d never seen before. All of a sudden we pull up to this cute little blue house with white shingles. On the outside I looked okay but, on the inside I was screaming. Why I told them I didn’t want to go with a foster family. Where’s a razor when you need it. I need that cut I need it. All of a sudden Rider takes out a key and opens the door. All my stuff is there and so is his. I recognize his posters and mine on our walls. Cat’s paintings she’s made me all over the house. Then it all makes sense. This is my house. My boyfriend and I have a house. He took me into the kitchen and sits me down. “How do you like it?” He asks excitedly. Like a child telling you they colored you picture they are extremely proud of. “I love it I absolutely love it.” This was of course the truth. I did love it. It was perfect. Now my only question was how we got it. “Um babe I have on question though”, trying so hard to put this lightly. “Um how can we afford this?” Rider looked at me and I started getting nervous. Was going to be mad I asked or upset that I was questioning our financial situation. All of a sudden a huge smile spread across his face. “Well Aubrey, when your dad got arrested all his money was given to you and me. His insurance, the money from your old house selling, his retirement funds everything. So I sold my apartment, found this house for sale, thought you would love it bought it, and moved everything in.” After he explained it all; all I could do was smile. He wrapped me up in a huge hug and we danced around our new home. The next day was my first day of therapy. I didn't want to go but, I decided that if I was going to do it I would do it right so I went in there, with Rider and Cat for support, and just spilled my guts out to this complete stranger and told him everything. I told him about my mom’s suicide and my father’s abuse towards her. About that night with my boyfriend when he was drunk and pulled me down the hallway. About how we got home and he broke my nose and threw me up against the wall. Told him all about my cutting habit and I told him everything. When I was done Cat was bawling, I had just stopped and Rider was just staring at the floor in a complete daze. The guy asked him what he was thinking. All Rider said was, “Guilt for not getting her out sooner, for not knowing any of this, for completely just letting her go on day after day in that house with that man”. “There’s no way you could have know. I didn't tell anyone. I didn't want anyone to know”, I said starting again with the water works. Since I was crying Cat started crying. Lastly my boyfriend just sat there with a blank expression on his face. He was starting to worry me. We left and went to get something to eat. Whenever you cry a lot don’t you just get really hungry? Well, I do so we got food. We were laughing and joking. I haven’t felt this great in months, but there was Rider with that blank look on his face. “What’s wrong?” I asked with concern. “I can’t believe I let you stay there I should have protected you. I’m a horrible boyfriend.” He said with his head in his hands. “Listen to me, you didn't know. I hid it well I've always been able to hide things well and you know that. You are not a terrible boyfriend. No terrible boyfriend would be here the way you are and always have. I love you and you shouldn't feel guilty about anything.” I told him trying to make him believe me. If I knew what was going to come next I still wouldn't believe it. All of a sudden there he was right in front of me on one knee. I didn't know what to think what to say. Then he broke the silence. “Aubrey I love you. I’ve loved you since the day I laid my eyes on you. I love how you wear too much eyeliner and how you like to hide your feelings. I love how obsessed with music you are. I love how strong you are and how you don’t need anyone. But please marry me and make me the happiest idiot in the world. I know we’re young but we’ve been through more than I think anyone our age.” Then he took out the most beautiful ring I've ever seen. Cat was in complete shock and everyone at the restaurant had their eyes on us. My mind was going crazy. All I was thinking was Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. I knew he was the one for me so all I could do was shake my head. He was like seriously and I was like” Yes, yes I’ll marry you. I love you I love you more than anything”. Six Months later I am now eighteen a high school graduate and Mrs. Rider Shay. The wedding was absolutely beautiful. I had an amazing dress and all my friends and close family was there. My uncle walked me down the aisle and Cat was my maid of honor it was absolutely perfect. I haven’t cut myself since before I wound up in the hospital. I have visited my dad once and I could tell the minute I walked that he wasn't one bit sorry about what he did. All I said when I went in was this, “Every sad story can have a happy ending. Right now I’m having mine.” Then I walked right out. I’m currently in school to become a person who councils kids who have been through child abuse. Rider has been going to school to become an English teacher. He should graduate in a couple years and I’m really happy for him. Cat actually made it. She’s a famous artist. Her paintings sell for millions of dollars. Rider and I always knew she could do it. I got back into my music but that’s more of something just for me. Rider still helps me with lyrics but I’m better with them now. I’m still a music freak and now Mr. Gerard Way is right, “I am not afraid to keep on living. I am not afraid to walk this world alone”. Why you ask? Well you see I’m not walking it alone. I’m walking it with Rider and Cat and I really am having my happy ending. |