Crying Shame

Crying Shame

Shame Warden was so named by her grandmother, Julia. Julia's daughter, Shame's mother, Meagan, had become pregnant while working the streets of Los Angeles. Meagan died during child birth, so it goes, and Julia became her granddaughter's guardian.

We pick up with Shame on her sixteenth birthday. There are candles on her cake and boredom in her eyes. Grandma Julia is running around the house - best a woman of sixty can with a failing hip and Mr. Arthur Idis come to visit her knees - making sure company is kept and punch cups stay relatively full. Samatha Swan is trying to tell Shame a joke, but Hillary Snug is informing Gail Winthrop about how Sonny Walsh and Hannah DeFrank "made it" in the new Camaro Hannah got for Easter; Shame overhears that fact about Sonny, and Samantha Swan's joke falls on deaf ears. Shame likes Sonny, has since grade school, so finding out that he's diddling Hannah DeFrank is rather like witnessing someone drop a deuce on her birthday cake.

Upstairs, in her dresser drawer, tucked away beneath Shame's panties, is a letter addressed to none other than Sonny Walsh. It reads: Dear Sonny, you make my days SUNNY. Tee-Hee! I want you to know I love you with all my heart. I'm too shy to talk to you, so I have used this letter to express my affection. Will you be mine. I'll give you some pussy. Your vag in waiting, Shame Warden. P.S. Sixty-nine is fine, but what's even better? I could just blow you while my hole grows wetter.

Shame considers herself a classy lady.

Now, Shame doesn't know if she'll ever ride Sonny's love rocket to the moon and swallow his Neil Armstrongs. That one thought, that single, undeniable inkling, has driven Shame into grabbing the butcher knife Grandma Julia supplied for cutting the cake. Shame's not thinking, of course, and brings the knife down, intent on stabbing the table. Samantha Swan shrieks, a blood curdling sound just lower pitched than a dog whistle. Shame looks down and sees that Samantha's hand was in between the knife and the table during the blade's descent. How unfortunate. There's blood. Lots of it. Samantha's wails are giving Shame a headache. Shame pulls the knife out of Samantha's hand and buries it into Samantha's ear. Her friend since third grade is finally silent. Shame can think again.

Hillary Snug heads for the door, squalling, farting the entire way. Shame notices the dark stain spreading on the back of Hillary's white capri pants and realizes the girl has lost control of her bowels.

Gail Winthrop knocks over her chair getting up and trips on it trying to flee, getting Shame's attention in the process. Shame is still holding the handle of the butcher knife, but can't seem to extract the blade from Samantha's head. She lets go of the knife and Samantha slumps to the right, falls to the floor, where she twitches twice and is still.

Grandma Julia is screaming bloody murder. Something about how Shame is just as crazy as her whoring mother, strikes another chord in Shame. She can feel the tears come, warm and acidic on her cheeks. She imagines them there, smoldering, steam rising from the valleys those caustic tears are creating on her face. Grandma Julia has her cell phone screwed to her ear, and Shame's collected, calm demeanor is driven away as she listens to the numbers being dialed: nine... one... silence.

Shame has Julia's neck in her hands, throttling the old woman, telling Grandma in the coolest voice possible that this is all her fault. If she hadn't instilled in Shame that a good girl doesn't spread her legs on command, Shame might have had a chance with Sonny. It's sad, really, Shame tells her grandmother. But Julia's already dead and hears nothing.

Gail Winthrop and Hillary Snug escaped while Shame was choking her grandmother to death. Shame realizes it's time to go. She steals her grandmother's keys from her purse - but, can you really steal from the dead? - and stalks outside to where Julia's Volvo is parked. Shame gets in, turns the engine over, and backs out of the driveway.

Gail Wintrop is running down the middle of the street, screaming into her own cell phone. Shame knows it's the cops on the line, but doesn't let that stop her from running Gail over. Shame feels the bump and hears the crunch when the back wheels find Gail's head. Hillary is safe. She's at the neighbor's house, knocking on their door, and Shame can't afford another detour. Time is running out.

Hannah DeFrank works at the Cash N Carry downtown. Today, her brand new pink Camaro is sitting in the parking lot of the convienence store, ragtop down. Shame hates Hannah for her money and her thieving vagina. Shame uses the crowbar she finds in the Volvo's trunk to destroy much of Hannah's car, before Hannah comes running out and Shame commences destroying the girl's face.

Sirens raise in the distance, but Shame ignores them. She checks Hannah's jeans and finds the slut's cell. Shame locates Sonny's name in the memory and dials it.

He answers with, "Hey, baby."

Shame tells him, "I love you, Sonny."

"Who is this?" Sonny is good. Shame is depressed by the fact that Sonny knows his boo's voice well enough to know Shame's an imposter.

"I would have done anything for you, Sonny. You were fucking the wrong girl."

"Who is this?"

"Say my name. Please? You know who this is. In your heart... you know."

"Hillary? Hills, is that you?"

Shame sighs, "Goddamnit, Sonny. The one that got away? Are you serious?"

She hangs up when the cops pull into the parking lot. The bald officer coming at her has kind eyes until she rushes him with the crowbar.

Crying, Shame takes two to the chest.

Anything for love.

The End