Oh Johnny

oh Johnny
why didn’t I see it then? We played on the swings, you would always push me too high and I would get scared and scream at you to stop. When I fell you brushed me off and laughed at silly Nina. Stupid nina…. Johnny you always chose me for the kickball team. God, I was bad but you picked me and all the guys teased you about your “girlfriend”. I still remember that dumb song “k-i-s-s-i-n-g” Remember Mrs. Berkley? I hated her soooooo much; haha remember the gum? And the tack? And the chalk? You…we were so mean to her (even though she did deserve it sometimes.) Johnny remember middle school? I swear the rocks are still there in the teacher’s lounge. Drama was terrible but you made it so fun. Oh johnny is that why? You really were good you know. The arts and culture were something you had a gift for. And Tom. Damn Tom. You were right…. I should’ve listened to you. Where were you 8th grade? We never hung out, Tom gave me new friends. Is that when it started? …high school. You always looked so pained. I saw your bruises and scars….. I missed you. Thank you for being there when Tom broke up with me for Linda. I was so absorbed in my own pain I ignored you…Then, Tom came back and I left you again. Is that why? Oh Johnny I should’ve said yes at homecoming. You looked so dashing. I was so harsh to you Johnny, im so sorry. Thank you for taking care of Maria. I still can’t believe Tom left after I got pregnant with her….but you were right again. She misses n’uncle jon. Oh Johnny I wish I never did those drugs. Or drank that much. I should’ve stayed with you and never went to that party. You were always too nice to me. How could you have loved me all those years? I read your note…. I’m sorry I was blind to you. Im sorry I did nothing. Im sorry Johnny. I miss you…