Desire a Prisoner

As she sat on his couch, trying to forget she had to go home to another, she focused on the television.  The TV commercial had called for girls who wanted a good night out and learn about fashion, beauty and lifestyle. Leila sighed, her thoughts interrupted with yet another media-sent reminder of her imperfections.



Today she’d toured a camping shop – stroking kayaks with fingers thirsty to suck back a past life now faded and crushed for five years by oppression and violence.  Her partner had been nagging her to come watch some sleazy adulterous comedy with him. Leila didn’t now and never had enjoyed such filth. She’d rather dream of finding the right one. Only one.

  For so long now dreams were all that kept her alive and saved her from the darkness of total emotional shut-down.

  Her child laughed and chattered over a squawking bird toy, but Leila was miles, lands away in a book on travelling the outback, smelling clean dirt, tasting eucalyptus leaves, listening to dirt-bikes and feeling the breeze.

  Too late. Why on earth, her body bludgeoned by childbirth, would she be worth anything now? She had been reduced to a walking, breathing shopping list.

She loved her children, but sometimes she wanted to be the one who was picked up by strong arms, squeezed and smothered by love and have a body big enough for her to curl up and sleep upon. Too late, she felt, as salinity had destroyed the once rich forest of the soul.



  She slipped in to a dream.  A real tingling, frightening dream with a face she knew from her past. A beautiful Maltese boy, and the choking, passionate grip of death.

    She found herself heading to a familiar family home. One she knew she had seen before, but in the waking did not know.

      She stood waiting for a man who always took blood from a bite wound on her neck, but never enough to allow her to faint. He never spoke to her, he never cared to take her anywhere with him. The Maltese boy, her own age, a friend from her past, confronted her angrily. “Where in your life do you allow love? What about passion?” he cursed and growled angrily at her.

    “I am only a vessel, I have no purpose but to serve him and nourish his needs, as I nourish my boyfriends mortal needs also” she replied. The beautiful, tall, youthful, dark eyed, brown skinned and black haired boy laughed at her, with pain behind his smile.

    She left, and came to a car garage, where her father worked alongside her boyfriend.

Some vampires had started a fire inside a truck, and it was parked near a petrol bowser.

She watched the people panic, not knowing how the fire started or clearly where it was. It was getting dark, but to her it felt like the sun was rising.

  Then the truck exploded. She ran to help her father, calling out “Dad, Dad” but he did not hear her. She was invisible to him. She was invisible to her boyfriend as well.  Then from beside the burning truck raced two brown bears, one was on fire with a white flame.

The bears saw her, to them she was not invisible. She watched the burning bear race into a nearby forest, into the snow under the trees to try and put out the flame. “Someone has to help that bear” she said as her boyfriend came past, but he did not see her.  So she followed the bear into the trees. She found it wounded and badly burned, and she knelt down to heal it with touch. The bear relaxed at her touch and it’s wounds began to stop weeping.

    She returned to the home of the Maltese boy, a young man around her age, and told him she knew what love and passion were because of the bear. He came up to her and held her, his body cold as death, but the heat of desire warmed them both. “Would you like to know this?” he asked.

        “I want to know love, I want to know loyalty” she began to cry.

“It will bring you death first” he said, and she looked at him in to his black eyes and spoke “Then show me so I can feel your love’.



His mouth opened, his arms held her tight, they gently laid back upon the dirt, his body melted and twisted into hers as she opened her legs to allow him, they were as naked as two vines twisting together from separate plants. As she began to faint with pleasure he brought forth pain, sinking his teeth deep into her neck as she cried out with both agony and lust. Her body softens with exhaustion, giving up resistance as he fed from her, and pulling away his blood stained lips his face was etched with compassion. Then she gasped. No air was entering her lungs and none was leaving. She clutched her chest and tried to sit up. Scared she looked to him for help. He stood back and watched, knowing what was happening to her and knowing that this was meant to be.

Darkness took her and all went still and silent. Death had come.

  She opened her eyes, he took her hands gently from their rasped, crooked, clutching hold upon her breast and kissed them. She was finally truly loved.



    All around her, the warmth of flesh, skin against skin. She suddenly awoke.



The thought made her tingle with passion. Such a feeling only a week ago made her cower with disgust. But now looking at her friend flicking a cigarette lighter to some paper in the fireplace, such a feeling now seemed wonderful.

    “The fire needs more wood” his deep voice broke the silence. He did sound like a king of olden days. Even in such a commonplace comment his voice was strong and commanding.

    “Ok” she replied, feeling instantly silly and awkward as she realised he was saying it to himself, merely thinking out-loud.

      “What was that sorry?” he turned to face her.

A wolf, a wise grey wolf, he looked kind of like.

      Even with just a flicker of the dying fire in them, his eyes were aglow like the hottest, bluest of flames. He smiled as those eyes focused on her framed by each a silver brow. He was greying with age, yet for all that age brought upon a human body, the smooth scalp where some hair had altogether gone, Leila couldn’t help but feel ablaze in his company.

    A smile forced itself to her lips and her chest pushed it upward to a huge grin and she laughed.

    “Bugger. I look like an idiot” she heard herself thinking. “Oh he’s still looking at me. I’m a fool” her self-talk prattled on.

      However, to her embarrassed delight he too smiled a big cheerful smile and Leila laughed again.