Another Night

 

Life always has a way of surprising you. No matter how bleak, or how beautiful, you may think it is, or whether you’ve been a good enough person or not, there will always be that one life-changing event. It could be for the best, or just make you want to give up completely. It can be the one thing that you never thought or wished you’d have to go through. That’s what will hit the hardest, and how you handle it will determine the outcome. However, when it’s over, when you finally move on, you’ll realize that you knew what was coming all along. You just chose to ignore the signs.

      It was another Saturday night at the Hawthorn household. An extravagant dinner party was being held by Mrs. Hawthorn for all of her and her husband’s friends. Mr. Hawthorn was in marketing, a CEO in a private corporation while Mrs. Hawthorn was a home maker, or thought she was, having someone clean your house and actually doing it yourself are two different things that she never fully understood. The Hawthorn’s were concerned with keeping up their image as a ‘perfect family’; having the best while sticking to ‘conservative’ values. Being highly successful socialites in Connecticut meant when there was a chance to climb in social status, they’d take it and it wasn’t above them to sacrifice either of their two sons to do it. Both were forced to go in business school; it didn’t matter that one wanted to go into teaching, while the other didn’t even have the smarts for business. It was either that or getting cut-off; so, of course, any spoiled kid who don’t even know how to do their own laundry, would have gone for option A.

      The oldest, James, was the apple of his father’s eye and he was quick to give up his dream of teaching to satisfy him, even graduating at the top of his class. He quickly picked up the business and by the age twenty-seven was already worlds above the rest. His parents couldn’t be more proud. The youngest, Christopher, on the other hand, wasn’t doing too well. Everyone knew it too, in fact, if their parents weren’t talking about James success; they were most likely talking about Christopher’s failure. This eventually drove a wedge between the two brothers. One growing more and more every day, gaining respect from his peers, and his parents while the other was crashing hard, while growing more resentful by the day.

      James had tried fixing their relationship numerous times. He genuinely cared about his younger brother, he always had. Ever since they were kids, James had always tried his best to take care of Christopher and protect him, whether it was from bullies, their parents, or himself, James would always try and be there. This was something that made Christopher hate his brother even more. He’d always mistake his compassion and care for pity and fake empathy. That never stopped James though, in fact, it just made him want to try harder. When they were kids, James would go into the yard and find small ant hills and construct a tiny shelter for them out of twigs and leaves, only to have it knocked down minutes later by his little brother. Christopher did it constantly to get a reaction, but James would just ignore it and built new little shelters for the ants. This of course, just agitated Christopher even more. Their childish feuds stopped eventually, only to be replaced with vigorous pleas to get their fathers praise and attention; however, that outcome was obvious from the beginning.

      Tonight’s dinner party was one for celebration. James had finally purposed to his long-time girlfriend and once his mother got word she couldn’t stop gushing about it. Their guest would wish the happy couple the best of luck, giving meaningless advice, and telling their stories of ‘when they were young’. Basically, everyone was having a good time, well, until the shouting began.

      An hour ago Christopher arrived home from university for a break; three hours ago Mr. Hawthorn got a call from Christopher’s university informing him that his son hasn’t attended classes in the past few weeks and is  now failing. Once Christopher arrived and started enthusing about how great he’s doing at the university and his classes, his father dragged him to another room, where the shouting match began. Even now, trying to keep their family’s image up, Mrs. Hawthorn would gradually turn the music up in an attempt to drown out the shouting upstairs. It didn’t help when everyone got purposely quiet, hoping to hear snippets from the argument for some fresh gossip.

      Just as questions were getting raised the shouting stopped and an awkward silence settled across the room. Minutes later Mr. Hawthorn descended the stairs, an elegant smile across his lips, an apology for the past few minutes. His demeanor had been calm, cool, and collected; only the other two hawthorns really knew the look of pure anger that was written across his face.

      Once everyone was calmed, the help started to usher the guest into the dining room for their main course, while Mr. & Mrs. Hawthorn took the opportunity to sneak away and talk privately, which James also took as an opportunity to eavesdrop. Inside Mr. Hawthorns study, the voices were quiet and mumbled; James only able to make out a few words, like disownment, embarrassment, and shameful. He knew this was bad and he had no clue what to do. This wasn’t something that could be fixed with a few words. When his parents put their mind to something it’s done. He could bring up the embarrassment it would bring, but after tonight’s events, he highly doubted that they would care.

      Eventually The Hawthorns with the exception of Christopher, joined the party again, and everyone ate in a nice silence as they all tried to pretend the past hour didn’t happen. They would of course go home and call their neighbors and gush about the great faux pas the ‘perfect’ Hawthorns had tonight, but for now, everyone was fine with chatting amongst themselves and asking around about the upcoming wedding plans.

      At the end of the night while everyone was finishing up their desserts, James sneaked out once more to check up on his younger brother, hoping he was calm enough to talk. He quickly made his way up the stairs and headed for Christopher’s room. However, once he opened the door everything instantly stilled, his body frozen with shock. His mind went blank for a few seconds only coming back when a piercing scream cut through the air, a scream that he later realized was his own. He stood in the open doorway of his brothers’ room, his eyes basking on the silhouette hanging from the ceiling. Seconds later, arms were pulling him back and other bodies piled into the room, more screams were heard, some broken sobs, and a thud from where the body landed on the floor. James watched the scene before him as it went in slow motion. He watched as his mother collapsed before she could even make it up the stairs, and his father stare blankly at the room, unmoving just as himself. The perfect, the collected, the cold Hawthorns, have all just broke down in front of twenty or so people, as they watched people frantically call 911 and pump air into the lifeless body on the floor. Neither of them could bring themselves to move, all still trying to process what just happened.

      Months after the dreadful affair that night, nothing has really changed. Once the ‘tasteful’ funeral was over, Mrs. Hawthorn went right back into planning her social events, and ‘keeping house’. She’s taken down all old family pictures and replaced them with decorative art, in an attempt to ‘liven up the house’. Some gossip that she was completely unmoved by the events that night. That it was like it never even happened to her. However, if you listen close enough, you can hear broken sobs as the shower is running. Mr. Hawthorn was the same. He stayed at his office more, worked later hours and when he was home he would lock himself up in his den and drink. James was different though; once everything settled, he quit his work and went back to university to become a teacher. After the events of that night, and the preceding months after, he came to realize a lot. He realized that if Christopher didn’t do it, James would have himself. The pressure that was constantly put on by their image, the fear of disappointment, disownment, failure, added stress, and the repressed dreams each of them had, it all lead to misery. Misery, that James harbored but who was much better at hiding it, had more practice in hiding it. Christopher wasn’t as lucky, James knew that underneath his brothers ‘hard’ exterior, there was someone who was just as terrified as him at losing everything. Afraid to make that one mistake that would get them shunned. The fight must have been the breaking point, the disappointment from his father, the shame it would bring to the family, along with self-loathing that would come of it, the panic and embarrassment that would always be there. Not wanting to face all that, he thought there was only one way out. It’s something James thinks about constantly, whether he would’ve been able to prevent it or not. He knows the answer too, and it’s that which haunts him every day.