Indeed, I Do, part 5

He laughs softly, as he slams me into the wall knocking me out for just a minute, when I come to he has me gagged and my hands are tied. I'm staring up at Kevin standing over me, clearly drunk out of his mind. Terror squeezes me as I kick at him, trying to do what I did to Kendall, he just flips me over and holds me down. I squeeze my eyes shut as I feel him rip into me. It is so painful and I just shut down. My mind flies away leaving my body there. I think about being anywhere but where I am, I'm in a field with Kyle, he is hugging me, just hugging me and telling me he loves me. Oh I cry just thinking about it. Oh Kyle where are you? Please Kyle! Come get me. Banging on the door brings me back to find Kevin in mid orgasm, I am going to vomit. My stomach starts to heave. Kevin is gone and I scramble on shaky legs to the corner of the room, seeing nothing, balling up on the floor. All I hear is my ragged breathing, my hands are still tied, my mouth still gagged, somebody is shaking me and I start kicking them, though I don't see who they are. When my eyes focus, it's Kendall's eyes who are looking into mine, tears filling his eyes as he unties my hands. He covers me up with a blanket then he's gone and I'm left all alone. I'm shaking uncontrollably, my teeth tremble so badly I feel like they are going to break. I hear moaning. Is that me? Surely it's not me. I hurt. Down there. The moaning is louder and I realize it is me. I hear someone screaming then and know it's me. Screaming for Kyle. I need Kyle. Arms encircle me, I know it's him, I can smell him. My Kyle, he's finally come to save me. I knew he would. I knew he would. I'm lifted and put into the shower. My eyes focus and I see Kendall and Kyle looking at me, all balled up in a ball in the tub, they are both wide eyed and I scramble to Kyle, throwing myself in his arms, begging him not to let me go, telling him that I'm not safe without him. He climbs into the shower with me and he sinks to his knees holding me against him. I hold him as he cries. My tears have stopped.

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Kyle listens and remembers too. She doesn't remember that much and he's grateful for that. With terror grasping him firmly he allows himself to be carried back to that night. The night he lost his girl while he was cleaning fish on the dock.

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Kyle's day fishing had been torturous and he may have caught two fish compared to Kendall's 20 or so. His head was still splitting open and the rise and fall of the boat had caused him to vomit several times. Kendall found great amusement in his torture. That was so Kendall. Kendall had headed into the house ten minutes ago needing to call Shayna. They had a date tonight and he was going to be late. Kyle wondered what was keeping him as he cleaned the last fish. He was so tired and he dreaded going in the house. Shelby had said he owed her one but he didn't think even she could make him horny tonight. He wanted a shower and sleep. He wearily made his way to the house with the cooler of clean fish.

His ears perked up and dread hit him at an alarming rate when he heard screaming. Was that Shelby? He made his way past the pool and it got louder. What the fuck? Heading up the back porch, his heart slammed into his chest as he heard her, she was screaming his name. He dropped the cooler and flew into the house. "Shelby?" he screamed back as he ran through the house searching for her. He ran down the hall, rounded the corner and just stood shocked starring at the door to their room. The door frame was in pieces. His eyes scanned the room frantically until they found her. She was curled up naked in the far corner, Kendall was trying to untie her hands that were tied behind her back. Her wet hair was matted with blood, a blood stain on the wall behind her head, she was kicking Kendall frantically trying to get away and screaming for Kyle. He rushed to them grabbing Kendall by neck and pulling him off of her, he turned Kendall around and went to punch him only to have Kendall grab his fist and pin him down on the bed with his arm behind his back.
"Kyle, steal yourself. Kevin has raped her. She is going to need you to be clear headed, stay together and take care of her. I'll take care of Kevin." He let Kyle go and as Kyle raised back to his feet he finally saw Kevin laying on the floor on the other side of the bed with his pants down to his knees. Somehow Kyle had scaled the bed and was standing over Kevin in seconds. Kevin's eye was almost swollen shut, he was groaning but when he saw Kyle, he grinned up at him. "I fucked your girl tonight man. She has the tightest little pussy." Kyle lost it, he kicked him in the gutt as hard as he could with his steel toed boots. Then he was on him pounding his face over and over. Blood was flying and Kevin had stopped moving before Kendall had pulled him off of Kevin. It took all the strength Kendall had to hold Kyle back.
"Kyle, stop it, you're going to kill him."
"That's what I was aiming for.", Kyle growled wild eyed and crazy.
Kendall slapped him in the face and turned him to look at Shelby, the anger fled and his heart shattered looking at her and hearing her raspy animal like screams, still calling his name.
"Kyle get her to the shower. You've got to get her to the hospital. Forget Kevin. I'll handle him. She needs you now. Go."
Kyle walked around the bed to her, a moan rippled through him. Her screams stopped as he rounded the bed and a small smile forms on her lips as she whispers,"My Kyle is here. I knew he would come. I knew he would. I knew he would." He starred in horror down at his beautiful Angel. Her teeth were shaking so much he was afraid she was going to crack them, her body visibly trembling enough to bounce her on and off the wall. He reached for her afraid he would hurt her, carrying her to the bathroom, kissing her forehead over and over, whispering,"It's going to be ok" sobs ripping through him because he knew it wasn't. He noticed Kevin and Kendall were gone only a huge blood stain remained. He stepped over it. Shelby moaned and trembled in his arms. He laid her gently in the tub and she curled up in a ball immediately, moaning and crying. Kendall walked in the bathroom, put his hand on Kyle's shoulder and they looked down at her. Kendall whispered in his ear,"You won't have to worry about Kevin anymore little brother. You hear me? I'll take care of it. Get her to a hospital Kyle."
Shelby came to herself at that moment and looked up at them. Smiling when she saw Kyle, she stood on shaky legs, her teeth trembling, looking from Kendall to Kyle, his beautiful naked Angel. He heard Kendall's intake of breath at the sight of her nakedness. She reached for Kyle, trying to climb out of the tub to get to him, he stepped forward and she threw herself into his arms like she always did. "You came for me Kyle. I knew you would, you always save me." The words dropped him to his knees and he cried like a little baby. He had failed her.

He had stood in the shower fully clothed and washed her trembling body. She stood stone still talking about him taking her to a field and hugging her. How grateful she was to go to the field with him. He had no idea what she was talking about, he just cleaned her and hugged her, kissing her check, her temple, her shoulder. She made him clean her four times because she still felt dirty. She did not cringe when he touched her body but she didn't moan like she always did. She just stood stone still and allowed him to do what he needed to do to get her clean. He climbed out of the tub when she felt she was finally clean, wrapped her in a towel, removed his dripping clothes, dried himself off and wrapped up in a towel as well. He reached in and lifted her carrying her into her parents bedroom, she didn't need to see the blood in her room. He kissed her softly."I'll be right back Angel, I need to get you some clothes. We have to get you to the hospital."
She sat up straight and through clenched teeth said,"No. No hospital."
"Baby, your head was bleeding and you could be hurt. You need to be seen."
She grabbed his hand and horror filled her eyes. "No! They will know! No hospital. Kyle, nobody can know. Nobody." She was starting to panic, looking around frantically trying to escape and he was helpless. He hugged her to him. Sliding beneath the covers he held her until she stopped trembling and finally fell asleep.

The next morning Kyle was up by 6:00. She had sleep through the night and he was grateful. He had sat up most of the night watching her. Her head had stopped bleeding and she had cuddled against him like she always did. He slipped into the kitchen to make some coffee. With his coffee he headed down to the dock, a cigarette in his hand. He saw a boat approaching and knew it was Kendall. After securing the boat Kendall climbed up and stood beside him leaning on the railing. Kyle offered him a cigarette and Kendall accepted it.
"You alright man?", Kendall asked softly.
"No.", Kyle responded.
"I didn't think so, I want you to know you don't have to worry about him anymore. I took care of it."
Kyle just nodded his head.
"How is she?"Kendall asked taking a drawl off his cigarette.
"She refused to go to the hospital. Doesn't want anybody to know. She slept through the night though."
Kendall just nodded his head starring at the dark waterway.
"Kendall, she ran out of birth control a couple of months ago. We've been using condoms. Did that bastard use a condom?"
Kendall hung his head and raked his fingers through his hair,"No."
Kyle wanted to punch something, anything. Fuck! He started pacing in his anger. Then he heard her scream. He stopped and whipped his head around to look at Kendall but he was already racing down the dock toward the house.

He pushed past Kendall who was standing in the doorway of Shelby's room to see her standing over the blood stain, holding a tooth in her hand, completely naked and whimpering. She turned to face them her eyes wide and searching for answers looking back and forth frantically at them. She made no effort to cover herself even with Kendall there. She held the tooth out to them and then bent down and picked up two more. She was whimpering and tears falling down her beautiful face. Kyle moved towards her and she stepped away from him, holding the teeth out to show him what she'd found. She starred down in horror at the teeth in her hand while taking her other hand and feeling her teeth to make sure they were still there. She looked at Kyle and felt in his mouth making sure his was there. Then she walked to Kendall putting her fingers in his mouth feeling for lost teeth. Kendall just starred down at her pity written plainly across his face. Suddenly she slapped him hard across the face. "Don't you pity me you bastard!"she screamed at him and threw the teeth at him. She turned on her heel and marched toward her closet. She sobbed loudly, her teeth once more chattering. She turned towards them and ran her hands down her body looking them both in the eye. "Do you see this? I'm naked. Do you see? It's not beauty you're looking at. It's a curse. It's a curse to look like this. To be something a man wants and to be too weak to stop him from just taking it. It's a curse. I hurt. What did you call it Kyle? My pussy right? Well, it hurts. It hurts because I'm nothing. I'm weak and I'm nothing. I couldn't stop him. Oh God, I couldn't stop him. He threw me around like I was a rag doll and he shoved himself into me and it hurt. It still hurts. You, Kendall, could overpower me right now and I'm too weak to stop you. So could you Kyle. I'm petrified of your strength because I'm powerless when you use it against me." she sank to her knees and cried. Kyle rushed to her pulling her into his arms and held her. She let him. But then she stilled and looked him in the eye, her breath catching as something dawned on her. "You won't want me anymore will you?" stark terror showed on her face.
"Oh baby, of course I will." he whispered, kissing her softly on the lips. She wrapped her arms around him and started to kiss him passionately but he pulled away, she was too broken, too hurt, he couldn't feel desire right then and looking into her face he knew that he had failed some kind of test that she had given him.
She laughed bitterly and stood up. Glaring at Kendall and Kyle equally she turned her back on them, pulling clothes from her drawers she got dressed and left the room in a huff.

Kendall let out a huge breath of air that apparently he'd been holding. "Kyle, you have to get her to a doctor."
Kyle nodded absently. What if she was pregnant? Had a disease? What if she couldn't come back from this? It was too much. He sank on the bed and just starred at his hands.
"Little brother, we have to clean this room. Today."
Kyle nodded again. His shoulders falling. He felt like he'd been beat and he noticed his knuckles for the first time. They were a mess and starting to throb.
"Is he dead?", Kyle asked.
Kendall didn't answer and he just walked off. Kyle hated himself for hoping he was, but he did. He hoped Kevin was dead, lying stiff and forgotten at the bottom of the waterway.

Kyle made his way to the kitchen. He walked in to see Shelby in Kendall's arms, Kendall rubbing her back and jealously tore through him. Shelby pulled away and stroked Kendall's face,"I'm sorry I hit you Kendall." she whispered. Kendall looked down at her, grabbed her face between his hands and said,"I'll be your target anytime. I need you to be ok sweetheart."
She laughed and pulled away from him. Grabbing a wine glass she filled it with straight bourbon. She downed it and coughed harshly. "I can't promise that." she said as she filled the glass again.
Kyle cleared his throat and said,"Baby, it's 7 in the morning. What are you doing?"
She looked shyly at him and smiled,"Getting drunk, my handsome knight." and downed it again, her eyes watering as she coughed it down.
She moved to him then and threw her arms around him. "I'm sorry Kyle. I love you and am so thankful to you and Kendall for everything. But I can't handle this and I need to get drunk today." she kissed me softly on the lips and went back to her glass of bourbon.

Two weeks later they finally had an appointment at the doctor's office. They decided to skip school that day and go there together. Kyle didn't know if she had realized that she might be pregnant or not. He was so nervous as he sat there waiting for her. She just seemed to think she was getting a refill on her birth control pills. Not that they needed them anymore. She was totally shut down when it came to sex. And frankly, he was okay with that. He was struggling with the thought of how Kevin had brutalized her. He hated himself for it but it was true. The thought that she may be carrying that bastard's child as well put a damper on any sexual need. Kendall had asked him what he would do if she were pregnant and he knew he would marry her. They had both turned 18 in December and could get married without the consent of an adult. He would marry her and raise the child as his or just be there for whatever she decided. He loved her, could not imagine a world without her in it but he prayed silently that they wouldn't have to work through that scenario. He got up and paced the room, realizing that the females in the room watched him but not caring. His stuffed his hands in his pockets, glancing at the clock, she had been in there for an hour already. He sighed loudly and caught the attention of the women again. Some smirked at him like they knew what his problem was shaking their heads. He looked away and went back to his seat. He knee bounced up and down nervously, he crossed his arms and closed his eyes. Dammit, he was living a nightmare and he didn't know how to wake up from it. Finally the door opened and out she walked. The room gave a collective gasp at the sight of her. She was pale and openly crying, all the women glared at him and then turned their attention back to her. He crossed the room and she threw herself in his arms. He held her tightly against him closing his eyes as dread coursed through his body,"Don't worry baby. We'll figure it out together."
"Don't leave me.", she wailed.
"Never.", he whispered,pulling away and taking her face in his hands, looking her in the eyes he declared,"I will never leave you."

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Kyle shifted uncomfortably remembering those words. He had lied to her that day not that he meant to. He didn't think he ever could leave her. He sighed holding onto her tighter as the memories flooded him.
"I didn't want the baby. I hated it. I wanted to get rid of it.", she whispered silent tears falling down her face.
"Me too.", he choked out.
"You were such a surprise Kyle. I thought you would leave me. As soon as the doctor uttered those words, I thought we were over. But then you proposed to me. Why did you do that?"
"Because I loved you.", he whispered.
Her breath caught and she closed her eyes hearing the word loved. Loved as in past tense, as in no more, she was starting to panic again, her teeth once again betraying her. He rubbed her back absently.
"But then I saw him Shelby and I fell in love. I love our son. He is my son and I'm thankful for him."
"Me too. Dillon Kyle Scott. I couldn't believe it when you wanted to name him after you. I fell in love with you all over again that day."
"Shelby we had some good years together. I thank you for my children. For Dillon and Rebecca, oh excuse me Becca. I thank you for loving me when it was so hard for you to do. For loving them. You are a great mama Shelby."
"Kyle, we've had more than 6 months of great, I hope you know that. I realize it changed us but we've had so many good times together, as a family and as a couple."
His phone rang at that moment. He looked at it the number and I saw it was the bimbo, her name was Wendy. I hated her. He sighed like he was irritated and stood walking off to stand by the opening leading to the waterway. "Yeah." he answered. I smiled inwardly, he was irritated. "I thought we decided on tomorrow? You've caught me at a bad time. I can't talk now......you are being silly and I don't mean to sound rude but I don't have time for this right now. I will call you, got it?" He slammed the phone shut and turned back around to face me.

I let my dress fall to my feet and there I stood naked before him. He breathed in sharply his eyes raking my body. I saw him rise to the occasion under his pants and I smiled inwardly. My eyes searched his and he was torn I could see it as he looked me from head to toe.
"I don't have any lubricant.", he whispered softly. Was that disappointment I heard? Lubricant was just part of our sex life now and had been since the rape. I had some in my pocketbook but it wouldn't be needed today. Desire coursed through me and engulfed me in a way it hadn't in years.
"We won't be needing any.", I said as I walked slowly toward him. He sucked in his breath again at those words and looked at me like he was in pain.
"I know this won't change anything Kyle. I know you are leaving, I have signed the papers, I realize that. It has been almost a year for us and I need to remember to carry on. I need to remember what your touch feels like on my skin. You are the only man I've ever let touch me Kyle. You are the only man I've ever wanted to touch me. I'm afraid I'll never do this again and I need to. Please."
He swallowed hardly as I rubbed his chest under his shirt, his eyes closed, his breathing ragged. "Shelby, you can't handle this emotionally. I know you. I know you can't."
"No. I can't handle it if you don't touch me one more time Kyle. I'm wet for you Kyle. See?" I took his hand and placed it on me. He kissed me deeply as his fingers discovered how wet I was for the first time in many years. My knees went weak and we both gasped, another first in many years. He was kissing me passionately when he lifted me and carried me to the blanket. He pulled his shirt off and looked at me desire burning in his eyes. He opened my legs and starred boldly down at me as I writhed beneath him needing him to touch me.
"You are a beautiful woman Shelby Scott.," he said as his fingers entered me. "You are so wet.", awe in his voice.
"You like me wet don't you baby?"I murmur.
"Indeed I do, baby, indeed I do."
Just hearing those words from him made me moan in pleasure. I loved it when he said that. He was kissing me again and running his tongue down my throat, his fingers still moving in and out of me. He took my breast in his mouth and bit down softly on my nipple. My moans were becoming louder, my hands in his hair and down his back, on his behind. Need ripped through me but I sat up instead and started unbuckling his pants, his breath coming faster as I unzipped him. At the sound of the zipper we both looked up at each other, never losing eye contact I took him into my mouth another first in years. He scrambled to get his pants off while I moved up and down over him. His hand was in my hair, moans coming from his mouth as he lay back on one elbow watching me. "Oh baby" he kept saying over and over. He was getting close I could tell and when he said,"Stop baby." I did. We were completely naked at this point and he pulled me on top of him kissing me, just feeling our skin on skin contact was enough for now. Then he rolled me over and he was kissing every inch of me. I raised myself up on my elbows and watched as he licked my "hot spot" as I liked to call it. His fingers were moving deeply inside of me as he kissed, sucked and stroked me. He looked up at me his face so close to my center and said,"Come for me baby, I want to watch you come." Then he was sucking me again and I felt myself clenching inside, he moved his mouth on me only for it to be replaced my his fingers and watched me down there as I came like I hadn't in years. He moaned with me and then slowly entered me. Ahh to feel him inside of me again was magical.
"You are so tight, baby, and so wet.", he whispered awe in his voice. He was moving slowly in and out of me and I matched his movements with my own. He stopped, trying to savor it, kissing me, he rolled me on top of him never losing contact. "Ride me Angel.", he whispered. He held my hands to help steady myself and I rode him up and down cherishing the feel of him inside me and that he called me Angel again. He started bucking under me, filling me deeper with each thrust and then his finger was on me again and I was rising again. We came together then, our cries mingling as we clung to each other. I couldn't move, my legs were shaking and I felt dread washing over me. I knew this was it, his commitment that he made to me this morning was finished. I looked down at him as he lay there trying to catch his breath and ran my fingers softly across his face, tears gathering in my eyes, as I looked at this beautiful man that I loved. He opened his eyes and looked at me,"Oh Angel.", he whispered,"I'm so sorry." He pulled out of me and I just laid there on him and cried willing him to call me Angel again. But he didn't, he just rubbed my back and held onto me.

He glanced at his watch and I knew it was over. He patted me on the behind,"Alright Angel, it's time to go." I kissed him softly lingering,"Please remember that I love you Kyle. Remember that I want you, I need you, I love you and...."
"Ssh.", he said stopping me. He rolled me off him, stood, offered me his hand and pulled me to my feet. He was gone, I could see it in his eyes. He reached for his clothes and started getting dressed, as he buttoned his pants he said,"What time will the kids be here tonight?"
"They said around 5."
"Good, I'll stay until they leave and we'll tell them on the last day they are here. I don't want to ruin their trip." He walked over and gathered the papers putting them in the envelope.
He stopped and looked at me closely as I stood there still naked downing another glass of wine. "Get dressed Shelby. It's time to go."
I just refilled my wine glass and downed it again.
"Shelby, dammit, you'll get a ticket. Get dressed. Dammit, I'll drive you home."
I laughed and shook my head at him. Refilling my glass and drinking it down again. My head was starting to spin. I started to giggle, irritated at myself for the first time. I threw the glass into the woods and drank from the bottle. He was looking at me all irritated and hot like he always is.
"Sir, my husband left me today. I think I have the right to get drunk, don't you?" I drank heavily from the bottle again. It ran down my chin, between my breast, down my stomach all the way to the ground. I looked down amazed, it made a perfect line down the middle of my body.
"How fitting. It's torn me in two.", I slurred at him. He sighed, grabbed my dress and put it over my head. Dressing me like I was a child. Taking the bottle from me, he poured it out, not that there was much left. "You have three hours until the kids get here. Get it together Shelby. Not for me, for them. Got it?"
I starred at his mouth mesmerized, swaying,"Kyle? Do you know how beautiful you are?" I whisper not hiding the awe from my voice.
"You made my knees weak today. Did you notice? I love you. I will die alone and it's all your fault." He sighed grabbed my hand and led me out toward his truck. He opened the door and lifted me in. I looked absently at my forsaken mini van as he drove away.
I looked around at the mess in his truck. He was a building contractor and notes were strewn everywhere. I saw one in girly handwriting with a lipstick kiss on it. I pulled it out from the stack of papers, he tried to take it from me but moved it out of his reach.
"Is this bitch the reason you are ripping my heart out?" I ask starring at the note. My eyes blurred and I was having trouble seeing the letters. I finally made out "I missed hearing from you last night. Call me baby and soon."
He sighed again,"No, Shelby."
"Do you love her?"I held my breath waiting for his response.
"No, I don't love her."
"I. Hate. Her." I said ripping the note into little pieces and throwing it out the window.
"Do you feel better now?"
I sighed realizing the only thing that would ever make me feel better again was for him to come back to me.
"I don't think that's possible anymore." I said my voice catching. "Don't let her call you baby Kyle. We've called each other Baby too many years, it's ours the bitch can't use it. Please? And you can't call her Angel. I guess you'll just have to live without an Angel now."
He sighed, rubbing his eyes, "I guess so."

He wanted to stop by his office to gather some clothes for the coming week. He had moved out two weeks ago and had been living out of the office. I was so excited for this week of us being a family again. All of us together for seven days. Oh I couldn't wait to see my kids.

As he pulled into the secluded parking lot where our business, S&K Construction Co., was we saw a little red sports car sitting in front of the building. He muttered a curse that I couldn't make out as he pulled in beside it. I watched as the door of the sports car opened and two long shapely legs climbed out. I looked at him and could see the irritation on his face, the pursed lips, the square jaw and the tick in his neck. "Stay here.," he said roughly and I watched him walk over to the car. The blonde climbed out of the car and sauntered up to him. She was almost as tall as he was, slim but ample. She filled out her fitted dress quite nicely and there wasn't a hair on her head out of place. Huge sunglasses covered her face, her manicured fingers reached up and removed them revealing large brown eyes that squinted up at him. She was pretty but she certainly wasn't beautiful. I knew this was the bitch.

I climbed out of the truck and walked over to them. "May I help you with something?" I asked sweetly.
She glared down at me and said,"I've come to see Kyle."
I laughed, looking up at him and said,"Quite the stalker isn't she?"
She smiled sweetly at me,"What is she doing here Kyle?"
"Maybe I should introduce myself to you, I'm Shelby Scott, Kyle's wife and co-owner of this business. I think the real question is what are you doing here."
She rolled her eyes at me and said with a smirk,"Don't you mean soon to be ex-wife? You did sign the papers didn't you?"
Kyle and I both gasped at this. I felt like I had been kicked in the gut, Kyle reached out to steady me, he knew me so well, knew my knees would betray me and they had. She looked at his hand on me and glared at him.
"Still playing the victim, Mrs. Scott, after how many years?", she whispered.
I ignored her as tears sprang into my eyes. How could he have told her that? Shelby turned to face him and said through clenched teeth,"You have five seconds to get your whore off my property before I call the police." He didn't look at either of us but I could see every word I'd just spoken was a slap to him. Good.
The whore laughed and said,"Oh Mrs. Scott I haven't screwed him yet but I fully intend on it. See ya baby." she kissed her fingers and then put them on his lips, he jerked away from her.
"Don't call me that Wendy.", he whispered and my heart smiled for just a second as I watched her recoil but then she was all smiles again and looking at me with venom in her eyes.
"Oh Mrs. Scott? He wants me and I'm not afraid to fuck him how about you?", she laughed and got in her car. I didn't wait to watch her drive away.
I stormed into the office, said hello to Sheila his secretary who would barely look me in the eye and walked straight to his office. He still had a picture of us up on his desk. It had been taken before that horrible night when we were so happy, when he loved me. I was smiling into the camera and he was kissing my cheek, we had been at the beach that day. Had just come from the water where we had done our own water dance. Our cheeks were flushed and we were radiant. I picked it up and mourned that couple just starring intensely at it.
He walked in and shut the door behind him. "Shelby, I know you're angry. You have a right to be and I'm sorry. I won't be seeing her anymore."
I walked over to him and slapped him as hard as I could across the face. "How dare you tell her my deepest secrets. That is between us or so I thought. My Kyle would have never betrayed me like that."
He looked at me with pity and very softly said,"I've been trying to tell you Shelby, I'm not your Kyle anymore."
I gasped, he had slapped me with his words. I just walked out not telling Sheila goodbye and stormed out of the office. I opened the truck door and got my purse out. I started running as fast as I could away from him. Who was this man? Who was this Kyle that would tell my secrets to some whore? Tears whipped down my cheeks as my feet left the dirt of our parking lot and met the pavement. I was five miles from home, I ran that distance daily but not in these shoes, I heard a vehicle approaching behind me. I looked to see Trent slowing down. "Hey babydoll do you need a lift?" I looked off in the distance to see Kyle coming out of the building, he noticed me not in the truck, I watched him look all around for me only to then he punch the hood of the truck. I heard him yell my name.
"Would you mind taking me home?"
"Climb on in." I climbed into Trent's truck. It was clean and had the new car smell.
"So how's life treating you darlin'?"he asked.
"Ask me later when I can talk about it. I'll start blubbering all over you if I tell you now."
"Shelby?"he looked at me with concern in his eyes seeing me for the first time. "What's wrong babydoll?" he took my hand in his.
"Kyle....", that's all I got out before I started crying again. He pulled the truck over on the side of the road and said,"Come here darlin." I leaned over and he hugged me to him. He smelled nice, he smelled of soap and some kind of cologne. His arms were muscular but so tender around me. We stayed there for about ten minutes until I got myself together. He raised my chin with his finger looking in my eyes, concern all over his face. "You call me if you need me you hear?" I looked at him and noticed how goodlooking he was. He had brown curly hair, blue eyes, nice lips, very rugged, outdoorsy type. I heard that he liked to race racecars when he wasn't working at his garage repairing cars and I could see that in him. I nodded my head at him and muttered,"I will." He handed me a card that he kept in his glovebox. "This has all my numbers on it. Day or night you call me if you need me, got it?" I nodded again.

He pulled into the driveway and Kyle was there pacing by his truck talking on his cell phone. "There's the bastard now. You want me to take him out for you babydoll?" I laughed at his words, shaking my head no and reached over to hug him. He hugged me back tightly and whispered, "Call me if you need anything." I glanced up seeing Kyle standing there talking on the phone his eyes narrowed as he looked in our direction. With a thanks to Trent I got out of the truck and stormed past Kyle not even looking at him. Kyle walked past me too headed to talk to Trent. I heard them talking.
"Trent, my man, thanks for giving her a ride home man.", I heard Kyle say.
"Well, Kyle, honestly it was my pleasure. That's a beautiful woman you got there. You'd think a man that got her would take better care of her. I know damn well I would." Trent pulled away and I smiled in victory as I headed to the shower.

He came storming into the bathroom, I turned to look at him, and once again I was naked in front of him. "What the hell were you thinking Shelby? That was immature and stupid! You scared the shit out of me!"he yelled not even noticing or not caring about my state of dress. I couldn't tell which one. I ignored him and turned on the water.
"It would seem I am not your problem anymore Kyle." I said looking him in the eye.
"Dammit Shelby.", he leaned against the counter, crossed his arms and looked at me. He noticed that I was naked, I could see it the way his eyes raked over me and the way he flushed. I smiled inwardly and stretched and yawned suddenly very tired. Was it the wine? The emotional turmoil? The run? The sex? I glanced at him and watched him swallow hard his eyes on my breasts as I was mid stretch. Funny. I found it suddenly very funny. He still wanted me, that at least was good news wasn't it? I couldn't decide the wine was hitting me full force.
"I'm going to take a shower now. Feel free to join me if you'd like.", I said out loud not meaning to, oh shit, damn wine. I immediately turned away from him, not thinking, I grabbed a towel under the sink, my butt in full view of him. Shit! Why did I drink the wine? His hands were on me as I leaned over,"Oh Shelby, you are so beautiful."he whispered, touching me there for the second time today."You are so wet baby." I knew I should have slapped him away, I should tell him no, you wanted a separation remember? You are no longer my Kyle, you said so yourself but I couldn't. I didn't want to, I had him this way and I wanted to keep him any way I could. I was still his wife, what we were doing wasn't wrong. So I let him and I enjoyed it. When we were dating we had discovered that our favorite place was this bathroom countertop. It put me at the perfect level for him. He lifted me, placing me on the countertop and then he was inside me again and it felt right. We were good like this, with him inside me, us kissing and touching. It felt so right.

Afterward, however, it was awkward, really awkward. Neither one of knew what this meant. I knew what I wanted it to mean but I didn't know what he wanted and so we said nothing. It was my first wham, bam, thank you ma'am with my husband. Did I enjoy it? Yes. But I hated the feeling afterward. I couldn't keep this up. It was time to cut it off which I really didn't want to do, my body was betraying me. For the first time in years I wanted him, really wanted him. All through the dinner with the kids there I watched more closely than I think I ever have. I was distracted by him. Watching the way he cut his lasagna, put it in his mouth, drank from his wine glass, the way his eyes sparkled when he was laughing or teasing, the way his shirt would open sometimes and reveal the scattering of hair on this chest that had sprouted up throughout the years, the way his arms flexed when he moved, I was almost foaming at the mouth watching this beautiful man. Once or twice he would look at me quizzically and I would hastily look away. The kids would draw me into conversations and I would respond but I didn't help carry the conversation. I would look at those hands and remember the places they had been and the way they made me feel. I was so wet by the end of the dinner I was afraid I would squeak when I walked, I was embarrassed by myself. I went to get desert and he followed me in the kitchen.
"What is wrong with you?", he asked softly so they couldn't hear us.
I flushed, my heart rate sped up and I had trouble talking, I just took deep breathes and let them out slowly. "You're horny as hell!", he whispered grinning at me. "Where have you been hiding Mrs. Scott? I've missed you." he kissed me pulling me too him. His hands were on my behind and he was pulling me to him.
"Mom!", Dillon was standing in the doorway grinning to hide his embarrassment. Kyle let me go and I held onto the kitchen counter, not looking at him. "Look, um, Becca and I are going to hit the clubs, we'll be back by midnight. Carry on." We could hear them snickering and whispering as they were leaving. I heard Becca say, "TMI Dillon. Yuck!"
The door closed and we looked at each other. He headed towards me and I held my hands up in front of me. My breathing was out of control again, what was wrong with me?
"Kyle, you have no idea how hard this is for me to say but I can't be your whore." Although I wanted to, I really, really wanted to.
He sighed, raking his fingers through his hair,"I deserve that. I know I do. Okay, I'll...."
I threw myself at him unable to contain myself anymore. I was in his arms, my legs wrapped around him like they used to be. He kissed me passionately, his hands holding my thighs as he carried me to our bed. I couldn't get his clothes off fast enough. I didn't want to think, I just wanted to feel him, to touch him, to love him. I explored his body with my mouth, reaching "him" I took him in my mouth, Kyle climbed to his feet standing before me, holding my head, he moved his hips going in and out my mouth. It turned me on, it turned him on. "Stop Shelby." I stopped, I didn't want it to end there. He rolled me over onto my stomach, lifting my hips up to meet him and rammed into me. Ahh. He was so deep this way. He rammed into me over and over, his fingers on my spot,"Alright baby, come for me, baby. Come for me." and I did, I exploded, one more ram and he met me there. Quick to the point but great. He collapsed on the bed beside me. "I should have served you with papers years ago Angel.", he said laughing. I laughed too but stopped immediately. "Come here baby.", he said softly. I crawled to his side laying down with my head on his chest.
"Shelby, I am so confused. I don't know what to think or how to feel. I've been so miserable for so long but then...."
"But then what?" my fingers are playing in the hair on his chest. He's rubbing my back softly.
"Shelby, I love you, I have seen the first time I saw you. I want you like no other woman before or since but I'm not sure I can handle the heartbreak any more. I need you in a way that is scary. I need your attention, your focus, not all the time but at least sometimes. When I saw you pull up with Trent and him hug you, it pissed me off. When I couldn't find you, I was panicking. I don't know what this all means really, I'm not sure which way to go or what to think. I have no promises that I can make but one thing I would love is if I could spend time with you tonight. Just me and you, no thoughts of the future, just being with you like we were. Can you do that? And please know you are never a whore to me. Not ever."
"Okay, I would love the promise but I'll go with tonight."
He kissed me gently, like he cherished me. His cell phone rang at that moment, he looked at the number, rolled his eyes and said, "It's the stalker."
We laughed at her expense. He answered, my heart sank and I went to get up but he held me tighter.
"Yeah.....I'm spending time with my wife.......indeed, I do,.....don't call me anymore Wendy. I believe we are done here."

I smiled down at him, kissing him on the mouth. I rested my chin on his chest and looked up at him. "I like it when you say that."
"Say what Angel?"
"Well, Angel and indeed, I do."
"Do you really?"
"Indeed, I do." We laughed together, kissing and just rolling around together. Just feeling our skin on skin contact. We used to do that all time, no sex just skin on skin. Oh how I'd missed it.


"Here, put this on.", Kyle held a blue, silk kimono night shirt out to me. It came about mid thigh but it was very conservative, it shocked me.
"Really?", I looked at him skeptically.
"I love you in this, it makes your eyes sparkle.", he said appraising my naked body before him. He kissed me and pulled me closer to him. He pulled it over my head and hugged me again.
He put on a pair of silk pajamas pants and held his hand out to me. He led me outside to the pool and he sat in one of the lounge chairs pulling me down with him so that I was leaned against him. It was a beautiful clear, brisk night. I shivered in the breeze.
"You cold Angel?", he whispered.
"No, you are like my own personal electric blanket without the controls." He chuckled as I laid back against him.
"This is nice baby, I've missed this."
"Me too", I murmur, closing my eyes and enjoying his arms around me.
"Kyle?"
"Hmmm?"
"What made you reconsider?" I felt him stiffen and knew I had crossed the line he wasn't ready to cross, not yet. He just wanted us to be, not to figure anything out but I needed to know the difference. Was it all about sex? Surely not, it had to be more than that. To keep him around I had to know how to fight.
"Shhh, don't ruin it, Shelby. Be with me. Just be with me."
I snuggled back in and he settled down, all comfy again.
"I don't like this." I said.
"What?" irritation creeping in his voice.
"I can't touch you like this, Kyle. I have this overwhelming desire to touch you. Do you mind if we switch places?"
He chuckled, kissed me on the head and scooted forward. I sat behind him, my legs on either side of him, his head resting on my chest.
"Now this ,my white Knight, is what I call nice.", I say as my hands run down his chest.
He looked up at me then startled, tears in his eyes, and I just stared back shocked,"What is it Kyle?" alarm in my voice.
"You haven't called me that since that night Shelby."his voice was so soft and little, so unlike him. He stood up and pulled me to my feet. He kissed me and my knees went weak, he groaned and then he broke down on me. He collapsed onto a chair by the pool his head in his hands, weeping. What the hell?
"Baby, what is it?" I held onto him and he almost smothered me holding onto me so tight. Then he was kissing me and crying and I was dumbfounded.
"Oh Shelby, please tell me you'll stay this time. Don't leave me again. Oh baby, please don't leave me." he pulled me into his lap and I held him not understanding. He looked at me and my heart broke,"You left me that night baby and I never saw you again. Not this Shelby, not the one whose knees were weak because of me, the one who saw me as her knight, the one that was wet for me, the one who threw herself in my arms because she was so happy to see me, the one who saw me, who noticed me, who needed me she left me and I've waited for her so long, living on the memories of who you were then. Oh baby, I'll stay if you do, I won't leave if you won't." his voice was riddled in pain and I just held on saying, "I've got you baby, it's alright. I'm here now."


We were laying in bed by the time the kids got home. Kyle was sleeping beside me and I watched him, running my fingers through his hair, feeling how soft it was. He was such a beautiful man. Seeing him in pain like he was tonight shattered me especially knowing I had caused it. I couldn't sleep. I tried to think of the years after the rape. I remembered nights of babies crying, not wanting sleep. I remember rocking Dillon one night at 3 in the morning and I was so tired. I had rocked myself asleep, Kyle had woken me up and I looked down at Dillon who was just starring up at me with huge eyes. Kyle had taken him from me telling me to go to bed and as I stumbled out of the room I looked back and watched my 18 year old husband kiss our baby tenderly, starring at down at him with love in his eyes. I heard him say,"One day I'm going to take you fishing little buddy. You are going to love the water. There's so much to do there, you can fish, swim, surf, I'll teach you little man but now you need to sleep. Daddy has to go to work tomorrow." I heard him start to sing softly rocking my baby to sleep and I was overwhelmed with emotion. He loved my baby, my baby that had been conceived so brutally and not by him. Kyle loved him anyway. I looked at Kyle remembering the night that Rebecca had been born and how happy he was, how smitten he was almost immediately with her. There were good times for us like the time it snowed and we made homemade sleds out of boogie boards. He had pulled me down to sit in front of him and we had soared together down the slight hill near our house. I had landed on top of him and kissed him passionately. Of course the kids had jumped on us stopping us from going any further. I remember sneaking away with him while the kids played video games, heading the bathroom for quickies here and there. Was I frigid with him? I was different yes, but I thought it was being a mom. I was tired all the time but I heard other moms complaining about the same thing. My body had dried up, that was true, but I felt like when I stopped buying KY jelly the company's stock would plummet. We had sex at least once a week our whole marriage, sometimes it was great, sometimes not but wasn't that normal?
Well, okay fine, this past year we hadn't. Why? I remember him complaining about it and me just rolling my eyes at him about it. I had gone back to work as a bookkeeper for a local real estate company that financed property sold and then I kept our books for the business. I went to the gym three times a week, had book club and the women's club. I was busy. He was right I had made a life for myself that hadn't included him with realizing it of course. But staying home with the kids gone was not an option, I was bored and I had filled my time quite nicely.