Struggle Within

Like a drug, slowly coursing through my veins, I'm losing control of reality and slipping into something far worse.
The lines between what was real and what is not are indefinitely blurred; perception of veracity burned.
It was never something beautiful, never an incredible journey. But now, it could undeniably be depicted as a portrait of disaster; total destruction.
I could be portrayed as many things, but a mess will certainly cover all of the above.
Nothing will compare to the days I grasp as being perfect. A rare occasion in which all my demons retreat for an uncertain period.
And it's all butterflies and love.
Until that feeling starts to seep back in, and abolish all.
And I'm back to curling up in bed and forgetting the days.
Forgetting what it is I live for, if something at all.
I should be avenged and ready myself with sword and shield.
But, in my broken mind that's just a fantasy and I'll let your ghost torment my soul for another day.
I'll tell myself false lies and prepare for the adventures I'm so unsure of, that lie ahead.
Bury myself in luxurious memories and relive what I define as the past.
Hide away my face as tears sting worn out eyes and fake another smile for the passers-by who think they know me so well.

This? This is just the beginning, I can feel a total apocalypse approaching.
And I'm not prepared.
I've let my guard down, and no one's here to hold my hand.