A Dying Spring- My Blossom Fell

Her dark hair was laid neatly around her peaceful face, her delicate hands, so often joined with my own, were folded elegantly over her lap. Her eyes were closed and her chest... Still... It was a lovely service.
But I was filled with disgust and anguish regardless. She looked all wrong, my beautiful Olivia. her hair as never neat, not even for church. In fact, it was usually full of braids, or some other decoration. Her face was never, ever, peaceful. She usually ranged from fury without rival to the inquisitive look of a million questions. My favorite was her look of pure, unbridled joy. And her hands... They belonged fiddeling with something of writing or... Interlaced with my own...
Regardless, I spoke at the ceremony. Her mother cringed, never quite approving and now she lacked any reason to pretend otherwise. I sat through the other speakers, as it ran through my head how much better I knew her than them. I'd seen each and every one of them distance themselves as she deteriorated. They did anything to get away and save themselves the heartbreak. But not me. As I reflected, my mind naturally went back to the evening I found out. I looked up at the dried little sprig I'd brought her laying in her casket. She would've liked that.

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It was months ago, late spring I think. We were out for a walk because all the trees were heavy with their beautiful little blossoms she loved so much.She lead me to the park and we sat by our tree, the one that still bares our initials, holding each other in bliss.
But something was bothering her, I could feel the tension in her skin. I finally nudged her and kissed her on the top of the head. "What's wrong lovey?"
She sighed deeply and I felt her push back against me, looking for comfort. "I'm sick Kate." She stated simply. The statement hung heavily on the air. On some level, I could tell that it was something serious, I just wouldn't admit it to myself. I simply assumed she had a cold and everything would be just fine. I still feel so bloody stupid.
"Well then lets get you home hun, why on earth did you decide to come on a walk with me?" I laughed quietly and moved to help her up before she put her hand on my arm, finally catching my eye. I saw the tears in her eyes and my heart sank into my feet.
"No, not that kind of sick baby..." She pulled me back down to her and buried her head in my chest. I could feel the spots of moisture through my shirt. "I needed to see the blossoms with you again this year because I may not be around for them next year." Her voice was still so flat and acceptant. It terrified me.
Tears pricked at my own eyes as I struggled for composure. She needed my strength, and I'm thankful that I maintained the presence of mind to realize that. She told me the specifics, what it was exactly, how it worked... She's apparently inherited it from her father, who'd died five years earlier.
Once she'd told me the lot, I just held her, my breathing forced into a steady rhythmic pace to comfort her but I wanted so badly to just break down. I wanted to scream. I wanted god himself to present himself to me and explain exactly how he justified taking my everything away from me like this. I cursed the world because without her it would become the very picture of empty, sad oblivion.
But my anger wasn't what she needed. Her life hadn't been easy but I resolved in that moment, even if it killed me, that I would make what she had left amazing. I tilted her chin to look up at me and I kissed her forehead gently. I'd done it a million times and the sensation was so much... More... When I realized that I had a finite time remaining.
"No more of this, beautiful. No more crying." I took her now cold, still hand in mine and held it tight. "I promise to cry plenty for the both of us when the time comes but what's the point of the time you have left if you spend it sad?"
I wiped her face and showed her my makeup-darkened hand. "I mean look at this. Do you want to be remembered as a mess?" I forced a mocking grin, hoping it was at least close to my usual standard of teasing expressions. I kissed her deeply and it was a comfort to feel her lips form a smile against mine.
"You're right, I'm sorry." she hugged me tightly and I felt her reign in her own sadness to calm herself. She put her hands in mine, where they so clearly belonged and pulled me to standing.
She didn't say a word as she lead me to the clearing. She didn't have to. We had so many memories, and even if we weren't going to be making anymore, I knew exactly what we were doing. For year now, we'd always, at least once, danced under the spring blossoms, savoring their beauty and each other. It began slowly, both of us holding the other, each moving to the internal music that we shared by some miracle. Thankfully, there was no thought. There was no future, there was no past. There was only this momentary feeling, our wholeness found together, our consuming love.
Slowly though, we sped up, each caught up in the power our bond gave us. The pastel flowers became a blur behind her face as we began to spin, laughing and smiling. Her hair was freckled with the fallen petals and I swear for all the world that she'd never been more beautiful to me than in that moment. It was most likely that smile. She'd truly forgotten, in that moment anyway. It was that look of joy I mentioned. That look I willy probibly spend the rest of my life missing.
Dizzy and breathless, we collapsed, falling against some tall grass. A content glow hung around us and she was entirely free of her tension. I held her tight to me, savoring the way she felt in my arms, so full of life, and she smell of her hair. But I felt it come back to her, slowly, like a heavy cloud and there was nothing I could do about it.
"Kate?" She looked up at me, thankfully free of tears.
"Yes Olive?" I kissed her forehead again, trying my damnedest to ignore the stormcloud that still hung.
She smiled at the use of her nickname but it looked bittersweet. "I understand if you want to bail out." Her voice was soft but sure.
I was speechless for a moment, my mind blank. "You're crazy," I finally managed. "Olivia- I love you with all that I am. And every day you have left on this earth, I intend to spend with you. Whether that means tomorrow or fifty years from now, I'll be there." I kissed her again "You're my whole world baby."
She simply nodded and buried her head in my chest again.

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It's been a few months since then. I watched her become frail and I kept her spirits up as best I could. Thankfully, there were more good days than bad. She never saw a day without smiling, I made sure of that.
But the day came eventually. I'd held out hope right up until that point, in the hospital, holding her hand... That now so still hand... Five days ago. But it's ok baby. You can't come see the blossoms with me next year but at least a handful will go with you, ours forever.
I'm still waiting for that explaination god. Because what I wouldn't give to have that dance back. Just one more time.