Thoughts of Him

Him:
    When I see his face I see two completely different people. I see the man who told me I was special, who said I was beautiful. Then there's the man who says he doesn't mean for things to happen, speaking in present tense because a part of him doesn't want it to end. The feelings I have for this man bare little attachment, mostly attraction and adoration.
    When I speak with him I notice a difference in his voice. Maybe it's his intoxication, but his tone isn't all that changes. He looks different to me, and normal to others by the light of day. Possibly, that's because I've seen a side to him that many others never will. The intimacy, the caring, everything that disappears at the sight of sunrise.
    I miss this side of him, but I know it will return. Unfortunately this stability is not good enough for me, and so I'll say goodbye. Goodbye to the night we had.

Him as One:
    I saw you once again, just as I expected. You wanted me there, so we could be friends. I knew I'd see the two of you that I know so well. There was no tension, just intoxication as well as paraphernalia, but that was also expected.
    Normally we trance around in seperate lives acting oblivous to our actions playing games with others, and talking nonstop. With our adventures outside and on the road things changed. We talked. We shared. We learned. We accepted.
    This conversation, this discussion on this topic, so vital to our understanding made everything alot more clear. The two pieces came together and I saw just one you. You weren't purposefully trying to make things difficult, it was just you. You were the one in the same guy, not the two. I saw what I wanted to see, to make things easier. Now our true adventure will start as our hearts beat faster and faster, still with little attachment, just attraction and adoration. This is what we will be.

He Wasn't You:
    I knew you were on my mind today when I saw him. He is a familiar friendly face that I see on a daily basis. He shares no characteristics with you, especially in appearance or in personality. The only common area I see between you two, is your ability to ask of me.
    His appearance to you, is nothing in comparison. Yes, he is a pretty boy with brown hair, brown eyes, and tan skin. While you remain with icy blue eyes, and blonde hair with fair skin. The shock that ran through me when I saw you in his eyes was astounding.
    He gave me the look, the look that he wanted something from me. Whether it be intentional or not, sexual or not. This look, the pleading puppy dog eye look resembled almost perfectly to yours, although I share with him on a daily basis. What I share with you is something others don't have.
    This look you give me entices me each time, but unexpectingly seeing it on his face was unearthing. When he came closer I also noticed the subtle, yet strong essence of your signature. Something I could have placed by mistaken, but unmistakably I could have sworn you to share that one characteristic. It intoxicated me so much to find that this is how much your really are on my mind. It's frightening, yet exciting. Although with this rave, I must stay aware of any attachment that grows. Fore as the attachment grows, I know the ending will not be happily ever after.


To be continued...