Grief and Sorrow

I sit here alone and quiet, as I wait for this class to end. I run all the past events of the week through my mind. How had I let myself get this bad? Since when has this been going on? As i think about this I stop to wonder if I should end it, everything, the pain, the torture ALL OF IT. I feel so alone. How can I be this empty in a room so full? I just want to close my eyes and scream as loud as I can. I want to cry over the loss of my being normal. Please, oh Please can anyone help me? The answer is and always will be no. Would it even make a difference if I screamed? Would anyone even look in my direction? Would they even notice? Or would they keep ignoring me and pretend I'm not there? If only I could keep hiding what I feel inside, if only it would quit making me sick. I need to talk about thi, to tell someone can't it be anyone besides a shrink? Isn't there anything that can help besides antiphsychotics? I wait, I listen but of course the answer is no. Again I go back to thinking about how easy it would be to start cutting, I wonder if anyone would care then. I stop in mid- thought, I think about how much more trouble that would bring me. Instead, I sit quietly and suffer, suffer through it all. All the trauma, every tragedy I've been through, been forced to watch everything flashes before my eyes. It flashes by as I watch the clock. As I listen to the silent ticking, I wonder what that clock must feel like. Sure we use it to keep time, but what does that mean to the clock? As it very well knows that keeping time is the only reason we use it. If it weren't for that it would be otherwise useless to us. When I think about this slowly and sadly a tear passes. I think that this day couldn't go by any slower. Again I listen to the sad silent ticking, and I can hear the terrible weeping of the clock. I weep along with it, I might as well be a clock on the wall. No one seems to know my sorrow as well as he. And so for the rest of the day, he and I weep, and weep, and weep. We are not alone for we weep together. For truly no one knows my sorrow better.