To Vincent

To Vincent,

Love has left me empty handed. In the corner of my room, I tore a wall full of letters and memorabilia of a love long gone. I cut each picture with you in it and secretly hoped that I could do the same with my brain.

I ran to the bathroom and washed the mascara running over my cheeks. The mirror isn't very kind these days, I stood there staring back to a face I barely recognized.

In this lost relationship, I was left to hope, wait and love while you run around introducing her to our old friends.

I saw you in the cafeteria last night sitting alone on our favorite spot. You were just staring blankly on the wall and somehow you sensed me. I knew you saw my passing through that window and I wonder, why do you have to look away? Were you afraid that I would break down and make a scene, or you just don't want to look at me in the eyes because it makes you feel guilty?

Maybe you got tired of the yelling. I admit that I'm sometimes difficult and boring that's why you love me less and less each day.

I looked over the counter and saw your stuff still neatly stacked on the surface.I stopped and fixed my gaze on a bottle of pills that you use for your migraine, I took comfort in knowing those pills could be my escape for this misery so I doused myself with your favorite perfume and wrote a love letter. I reminded you of how happy we were until miss Skinny legs took you away.

I clenched the bottle tightly but i lost guts when I envisioned myself lying on the bathroom floor, foaming in the mouth wasn't a very good way to be remembered after all.

I picked myself up and gave my face a good wash. I have cried a good deal today. Snot run down my nose made me feel like I'm 5 again but i don't care. It's funny but crying made me feel a little bit better.

I held a pint of ice cream in my hand and congratulated myself for getting through this day alive. One day i will remember this moment and just laugh about how stupid I was for letting you hurt me like this.

Today I will let the ice cream, cheese burger and movie marathon do their thing so that for one moment today, I could smile and take my mind off you.