Life begins at 40

Life begins at 40 or so the proverbial saying goes: the inference being that at this magical number we have shed our hang-ups, made peace with the bathroom scale and attained emotional maturity and inner bliss. OK…so then what? Do we look to the “end” and do we plot this at 70 or 80 along the axis of life?!
I think this is way too simplistic and we need to embrace life in all aspects: the good, bad and ugly. I believe there are many “beginnings” and “ends” and cross roads along life’s journey.
For example a great turning point occurred for me at the age of 24: Up until this point I had become so adept at transforming myself into, ideal wife, ideal daughter, daughter-in-law or whatever character circumstances required of me at the time, that I had no idea who or what I believed myself to be!
As luck or destiny would have it a career opportunity opened up for me in the planning department of a large manufacturing company. I was one of just two women in a predominantly male environment which stretched and challenged me in so many ways. One could say that my life as a woman began and was moulded during my mid 20s as I learned to exercise my woman’s intuition and communication skills negotiating these complex issues.
Long hours and pressure of work almost brought my marriage to an end. But fortunately after a trial separation I was given a new beginning: to be my own person and explore the banquet that life has to offer with my husband’s acceptance and blessing.
In my 30’s I entered the phase of motherhood. At this juncture I ventured into the fascinating and adventurous world as seen through the eyes of one’s children.
This was also the time that I lost my father to cancer. So in some ways a part of me ended and another began through a filter of deep pain. For a time the river in me became a dried up waterhole. But with the summer rains came healing and there blossomed forth a deep compassion that I hither to had been incapable of feeling. . So perhaps life begins and ends at every new phase or profound experience one encounters.
I discovered that life has seasons each with a purpose: that of learning and growing.
When I turned 40 and coincidently celebrated my 20th wedding anniversary my husband declared that having been married to a blond for 20yrs it was time for a change. I decided that rather than let him take the initiative, I would! So I went to the hairdresser and dyed my hair red! I then went on a shopping spree matching clothes and make-up to my new coiffure. This amused my husband and daughters, horrified my mother and surprised a number of our friends.
So I guess you could say in a sense that life began at 40 as I reinvented my appearance. But more to the point I had shed my need to conform to the requirements of others and most especially my mother who remarked “Well, in my mind you are still blond!”
This was also a new beginning in that we moved from Johannesburg to Cape Town to start a business. It marked the end of our security: my husband’s directorship, my job, our home, the support of family and friends, to begin a new venture.
Living in the Cape was a kind of re-birth too, because it opened up wonderful opportunities to explore the beautiful landscapes through hiking, climbing, canoeing and camping with our newly found friends.
I also discovered UCT’s Summer School programme which I attend annually. I embarked on a magical journey through art, literature, history and philosophy that has expanded my world in so many ways.
Today as I negotiate my way through my 60s and reflect on the years gone by, I have concluded that beginnings and ends are closely intertwined. I think life is more like a dance: sometimes a quick-step, then a tango; now a gentle waltz or a square dance. Here a dip, there a do-si-do.
But of one thing I am sure: there are no magical arrivals, and no easy answers. No matter how many times you’ve journey alongside someone in the shadow of death it doesn’t make you stronger.
I believe Wisdom stands at the door and knocks patiently. When we are ready to open the door she enters but she only waits for a while and then moves off so we need to be present and awake at all times if we wish to welcome her in.
So if life begins at 40 when does it end? My dearest hope is that my epitaph will not read: “died at 65 buried at 85”.