The Betrayer

When I was 21 I confess, that I was an angry man.

My country had lost its independence to the Roman Empire so I joined a group known as Zealots. Our goal was to defy the enemy by any means possible and we mercilessly ferreted out traitors for assassination.

We clung to the words of the prophets who foretold that God would raise a messiah who would lead us into battle and usher in a new kingdom. I ached for news of this messiah and grew restless and impatient.

When I was 25 I came upon a compatriot returning from Galilee to Judea. “Judas…” he called out to me. “I have seen a man called Jesus who is very popular and speaks of the coming of a new kingdom.” “This must be the promised one” I thought, and immediately made travel arrangements to find him.

The journey to Galilee through the burning desert was arduous. But the red mountains in the distance beckoned me on.

I traveled from village to village until finally I came across a huge crowd. The man addressing them had an aura of authority and spoke of the power and the glory of the coming kingdom.

I inquired after his name and was told it was Jesus. My excitement bubbled over. When he had finished addressing the crowd he came towards me and invited me (no commanded me!) to join them: “Follow me” he said “and we will gather men together.” Finally we had a leader to unite us against the Romans. I felt privileged to be one of the 12 chosen disciples as we traveled throughout the land.

But in time Jesus perplexed me. He was enigmatic: difficult to pin down; simultaneously gentle yet strong, kind yet forthright and his message was mysterious and ambiguous “The things that are considered of great value to man are worth nothing in God’s sight” he would say. This made no sense to me at all!

I wanted to be his right hand man and share the plots and plans of the zealots. But it became obvious that John was Jesus’ favourite and to my mind John was weak and ineffectual.

Jesus would weep with a widow one day and the next he was brandishing a whip and overturning tables in the Temple sending oxen, goats, and moneychangers scattering in all directions.

We saw him perform miracles: He turned water into wine; healed the sick and lame; even drove out demons. Yet he made no plans to drive out the hated Romans. Instead he healed a centurion’s servant which was reprehensible!

When Jesus said “Those who are last will be first, and those who are first will be last in the kingdom” I decided that he was a fraud.

Our people continued to suffer as the Romans clamped down viciously on any rebels: crucifixions were taking place daily and Jesus’ instructions were becoming even more bizarre. “You have heard that you should love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, you should love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you….”

He even called himself “the Son of God” which was blasphemy!

As time passed Jesus’ popularity faded. “This man is dangerous to our cause”. My Zealot friends told me. “It is time to get rid of him.” Of course, I was ideally placed to assist them. So we plotted the place and time for his arrest.

On the night of our last supper Jesus broke the bread and poured the wine saying “This is my body broken for you… And this is my blood poured out for you.” He looked at each of us with great love and compassion. He somehow knew of my plan to betray him. Yet he bore me no malice. “Do it quickly” was all he said.

Later as I watched events unfold: Jesus’ arrest, trial and crucifixion, I was astounded by his strength and dignity. It was unlike anything I had ever witnessed. It seemed that even God grieved as the heavens covered over in darkness: so extraordinary… uncanny. I realized then that I had misunderstood and failed to recognize him: the promised Messiah indeed.

Crushed with shame and remorse, I took the 30 pieces of silver given to betray him and flung them at the chief priests saying “Here take it. We have committed the gravest injustice. May God have mercy on our souls.”

…………………………………………………………………………………..

Two disciples were walking on the road to Emmaus when a stranger joined them. It was very late so they invited the stranger to overnight with them.

Whilst eating they asked the stranger if he had heard that Judas the betrayer had hanged himself. The stranger replied: “I have. But he remains my beloved disciple just as you are.” And then they recognized him…