Let Go

She drove down that dirt road just as she had every Sunday for the past five years. Heaving a sigh she got out of the car and walked a path she knew too well. The pain hit her just as it always did. Memories flooding her mind, she found her usual spot next to him under the old oak tree and looked out over the pond.
“Do you remember the day we met?” silence answered her.” It was fifteen years ago, today.” She smiled to herself remembering that summer day.

*****

All she had wanted to do was see what the pond looked like from the top of the old oak tree. She got to the top and was mesmerized by the quiet beauty of the view. She caught her breath when she saw the shinning water below her teeming with life and the water lilies. Although her thoughts were interrupted by leaves crunching under someone’s feet as they ran towards her. A boy, only a year or two older than her, came into view. He was stumbling, exhausted from running.
“You come back here boy!” an angry male voice yelled.
A moment passed, “Fine stay gone but, when you come back,” the man yelled;
“you’ll get what’s coming to you!” menace filled the man’s voice and the boy below her trembled. Several minutes later the boy let out his breath and sat against the trunk of her tree.
At that moment a squirrel scurried past her leg startling her so much she lost her grip on the tree and went tumbling to the ground preceded by her yelp of fear. Although instead of hitting the ground she fell on to the boy, who had jumped to catch her. She landed in a heap of limbs on top of the boy. When they could breathe again the boy smiled and said,
“Hello, little bird.”

*****

“You saved me, just as you always did.” She smiled again.
“After that we were inseparable. Weren’t we?”
No answer. She continued anyway.
“You know I always loved you, right? I mean our love…..it just grew. It started out one way and just kept changing. You always said you had to get away, ‘Out of this god forsaken town.’ you’d say. That’s why you joined the military isn’t it? I remember when you told me you inlisted.”

*****

“I have to, little bird.”
“But why!?” she couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“I have to leave, get away from my father, you know that.” he gave her a weighted stare.
“Yes, I know. But, you’re leaving me in the process!”
“I’ll come back for you and we’ll leave, together, after you finish school. We’ll get a house and start a family, just like we always planned.” He reached out for her and she came, sliding into his arms with ease. He rested his forehead against hers and looked into her eyes. His green gaze swimming and solemn,
“I love you.”
She couldn’t bear it; she closed her eyes under the onslaught of emotions,
“Don’t leave me.” She whispered.
“I’ll come back. I’ll always come back to you, I promise.”

*****

“After you left I couldn’t eat or sleep. I went everyday to our pond watching, waiting. It soothed me to be there, to think of you.” She breathed a deep shuttering sigh.
“I felt it you know. When it happened, I knew, I don’t know how, but I knew. Maybe if you hadn’t gone,” she stopped, breathing hard thought the lump in her throat and hot tears slowly sliding down her cheeks as she relived that moment; the pain of it and fear that robbed her of her breath the dread that buried its self inside her and worst of all, the emptiness.
She looked over at the hedge stone next to her and cried, her whole body burning. She could feel the coolness of his dog tags around her neck,
“You promised.” She choked out.
“You promised you’d take me away from here. I loved you and you left me!” her sadness was now replaced by her anger.
She stood up and paced back and forth several times.
“I can’t keep doing this, It’s eating me up inside.” She turned to look in his direction.
“They say that if you love something you’ll let it go but, God it’s so hard!” she dropped to her knees and buried her face in her hands. A few moments passed and she looked up across the water, breathing deep she slowly calmed after which she continued.
“I got the job, that’s what I came here to tell you. They called and want me to be in New York by next week. Everything is moving so fast and I don’t know if I can handle it; I’ll be so far away, from my family, from you.”
She paused and focused on a single water lily drifting by.
“When you died I didn’t think life could go on I thought it would all just end; but, I was wrong. I don’t want to leave you but I can’t live my life under this tree, by this pond. That’s also what I came here to tell you. I love you, now it’s time to let you go.”
She stood up and walked on unsteady legs back to her car. She got in and took one last look, at the pond she’d loved and the man who had taught her to love.
‘Goodbye.’ She mouthed knowing he was watching and that he forgave her, for this and for everything.