Deputy William Midler

I am forty five and still living at home

Playgrounds and daycares I tend to roam

I wear jogging pants, the crotch has a rip

It's just big enough to fit my horn tip

At three o'clock when school is done

It's time for William to have some fun

I pull up my joggers and climb in my van

I drive past the kids, my pud in my hand

From seven to three I'm Deputy Midler

At 3:01 I'm Billy the diddler.