Undefined?

         I remember recognizing my homosexuality for the first time. Of course, being fifteen and living in the South, I didn't understand that there was an actual name for it, yet. I was home, alone, doing what almost every fifteen-year-old boy would do when he's left to himself with a computer and broadband.
         I was in my room. The lights were off, the shades were drawn, and both the front door and my bedroom door were locked, just in case. I was watching a scene with a guy and a girl doing the typical "adult" thing that "adults" do when other people aren't around. For whatever reason, I was very annoyed. I couldn't figure it out. There was no music playing, so I turned some on, keeping it low enough to hear if the front door opened. I was still annoyed. I minimized the browser and walked into the kitchen, and then both bathrooms, to see if water was dripping from the faucet. Nothing. I went back in my room and locked the door. I pulled down my pants just far enough down to have access and reopened the browser. I tried to "enjoy" the scene... Then it clicked.
         The girl kept getting in the way! Every time the camera angle would switch, usually it was focused on the girl with just enough of the guy to know what exactly they were doing together. I kept wanting to see more of the guy and less of the girl. Everything about him was enticing. The girl was, honestly, repulsive. She was classically beautiful; red lips, long hair, nice boobs, but I didn't want to see her naked.
         I immediately closed the window and opened another, typing "google.com" into the address bar. When google loaded, I cautiously started typing "Muscle Hunks" and hit "enter". Images started loading on the screen. Immediately, I reacted. I was nearly busting at the seams (as much as that was possible for a fifteen-year-old boy). I panicked and closed the window.
         I took a second to collect myself.
         I reopened the browser and went back to google, but this time I desperately typed in "Hot babes" and hit "enter". Images of naked girls loaded on the screen and my happy member immediately disintegrated back to its normal, flaccid state. I kept thinking to myself Ew... Why does it look like that? Why are they so... jiggly? I went back to google once more and typed in "Hot Guys" and hit enter.
         The evidence was overwhelming. Within seconds I was primed and ready to go. I tried to close the browser like before but I was too intrigued. I reached down and started to enjoy myself. And, as I was fifteen with minimal experience, only took a few minutes.
         And that was my cannonball into the icy waters of uncertainty and confusion. It would be several years before I would say anything about this to anyone... But god knows it wouldn't be very long before I came back for another cyber-endeavor.