Mr Rocket Nuts 13-15

Part Thirteen: It's a Nuts!

"I am the evil Coffee Man! And I will have my revenge!" This forboding message had been playing on the news for severel days now. "Aperrently, this 'Coffee Man' is a new super villian, however, we don't yet know what his powers are, or if he even has any." Said Nuts Lad to Mr Rocket Nuts as they both finished watching the recording. "We also don't know what he means by 'Revenge'" said Nuts Lad. "But I say we stop him before he hurts anyone!" He declared.
Mr Rocket Nuts sat back in his chair, his hands folded with his two index fingers on his chin and said "Toby open good fog dunes, vinnie dirty soap worts conclude." "Your right Mr Rocket Nuts" said Nuts Lad "We should set a trap and wait for him to come!" Nuts Lad smiled because he had had a full thought, but then his smile faded "We don't know anything about Coffee Man though, how are we gonna set a trap." He said looking to Mr Rocket Nuts for guidance. By this point, Mr Rocket Nuts was totally nekkid, his index fingers still on his chin, he swivelled around in his swivel chair until he was facing the NutsScreen. Mr Rocket Nuts began arbitrarily pressing buttons on his keyboard until all of the most secret information about this "Coffee Man" was compiled into one folder, he then deleted this folder and destroyed the internets, his reasoning was "If they can't use the internet, then nethier can we, for now!"
It wasn't good reasoning.
Nuts Lad was rubbing his chin, slightly nodding and in complete agrement with Mr Rocket Nuts's actions.
Minutes later, they arrived at the opera, they were to take in a dramatic retelling of "Everybody Poops" as told by two albino midgets and a sofa cushion.
Unfortunetly, when they took there seats, two obscenely obese oxen ostrechsized orange ovals over open ovens overtly.
This just really ticked Mr Rocket Nuts off for some reason, so much so that he could not enjoy the play, so him and his young buddy left with a sour taste in there mouths, and they wrote that on the comment cards, cause thats how they do son.
As they were rollin' back to there kickin' pad, Mr Rocket Nuts eyed a building that was on fire and laughed as he saw severel people running out that were on fire. They soon arrived at Wal-Mart where they were to aquire as many rolls of blue cloth as they could possible hold. When our two manly men reached the cloth isle, they saw Coffee Man hoarding all of the blue cloth and hold the cashiers hostage at coffee point. (Thats right, he has a coffee gun.)
Mr Rocket Nuts and Nuts Lad quickly leaped behind a rack of nonblue cloth and watched as the scene unfolded in front of there very eyes. Coffee man was screaming at the hostages for no apearent reason while waving his coffee gun in the air like a dirty housekeeper.
Mr Rocket Nuts began using his head brain in attempt to formulate a plan to subdue Coffee Man before police arrived, that way, he could get all the credit.
Suddenly, he had it! Mr Rocket Nuts jumped up and started running towards where Coffee Man was standing, when he was about fifteen feat away, he dropped to his knees in an amazing powerslide, he slid until he was right up under Coffee Man and punched him in the nuts, the force from the punch was so large that Coffee Man's sack daddy's shot up through his body and out of his ears. This starteling turn of events shocked Coffee Man to say the least, I guess he just wasn't used to seeing his unraveled testiceles swinging from the sides of his head, also he was in an indescribable amount of mind shattering pain. Several minutes later, Mr Rocket Nuts removed his fist from the crotch of Coffee Man, who instantly fell to the floor in a crumpled mess, whippering in pain. Mr Rocket Nuts stood over his vaquished foe, hands on his hips and looking towards the sun, this was a roofless Wal-Mart, which means it has no roof. Police sirens could be heard in the distance, a clerk had summoned the man to come and take Coffee Man, and his now useless testis to a prison or something, the clerk really didn't care, he just wanted to be a fireman.
Mr Rocket Nuts oversaw the arrest of Coffee Man, Nuts Lad was told to wait in the car.
Thus endeth the day that Coffee Man got puched in his balls.

Part Fourteen: Say Hello To My Little Nuts!

It was a drak and stormy mid day in Lapsworth East Virgina, but we don't care about that, its just good to know things of this nature, knowing weather patterns and forecasts help you to plan your day, like if you knew it was going to be raining on monday, you wouldn't plan on going sunbathing that day would you? I think not! And it's all thanks to our wonderful weather wizards and there magic dopler device, powered by sunsets and bull urine, why they don't just make it sunny every day I have no clue. Its alot more fun to beat infants with hammers in the park when its sunny rather then when it is raining.
But thats not what this is about, no this is about something more than one or two, this is about the things that can't be there on time because of falling barstools and fat badgers molseting banana peels for carrots. Don't eat watermelon with keith by the way, he tends to lean in.
Well, now that that is out of my system, lets begin.
Mr Rocket Nuts was fighting a bull named Bull on the top of a moving train, on the moon, Bull also happened to be a master of almost every form of fighting, this includes; Jusitsu.
That's it.
The battle between Mr Rocket Nuts and Bull was raging, the combat was fierce and also intense along with being harsh and moist. The fight had begun when Mr Rocket Nuts refused to not fight Bull on top of a train.
For hours, the battle waged, nethier one willing to give up for they had much to much pride and honor to admit that they could not kill whoever they pleased whenever they pleased. But Mr Rocket Nuts suddenly got the upper hand when he won, his prize for dominating Bull, was his oppnents spline, covered in more than enough spackling.
This pleased Mr Rocket Nuts very deeply, he began singing and didn't stop until he was finished.


Part Fifteen: If Your Face Was A Nuts.

"We have to fix the generator!"
"Theres no time! We have to leave now or we will perish!"
"But what about the research! It will all be perished!"
"Better him than us fool man."
This was the conversation that went down between Mr Rocket Nuts and a stump named Reggie.
Mr Rocket Nuts was talking to Reggie because Mr Rocket Nuts has the mind of a grapefruit.
"Kaboom!" screamed a small child with a head shaped like a small human head.
Hearing this cry made Mr Rocket Nuts furious, he instanly wanted to fight the child. And so he did.
He fought the crap out of that kid, beat him like a frikkin drum, poor little guy.
But anyways, where was I...I totally forgot what was going on. Oh yeah! Mr Rocket Nuts is desimating a kid like usual, well now that he has succsesfuly murdered that kid he went to the local hot dog eatery "Pleasureable Weiner" where there slogan is "We guarantee that your mouth will be pleasured by our large weiners and sausages endlessly forever!"
Mr Rocket Nuts entered the establishment wearing a live cobra between his legs, other than that he was fully clad in respectable formal wear.
As Mr Roocket Nuts was showed to his seat by Gangis the roof watcher, he noticed that one of the children eating there was lopsided, lopsided children cause Mr Rocket Nuts to fall into deep depresions for sevearl seconds, after these seconds are completed he begins to crave the spinal fluid of a cocaine addicted grandpa, and since they typiclly have the speed of a normal person, they arent to hard to catch and split open with the femer of a tomato.
So after Mr Rocket Nuts had completed this ritual, he totally ate a hotdog.
And it was good, so good in fact that Mr Rocket Nuts decided he wanted to eat it again, so he retrived his trusty (and somewhat rusty) knife! And slit his stomach open, found the half digested hot dog and popped it into his mouth.
Later Mr Rocket Nuts was rushed to the hospital, turns out cutting your mid section open isn't a good idea.
He also had AIDs.