my body

Soon after my elder daughter’s birth, I got anxious about my fitness and figure. Although, I was busy with the baby most of the time, yet I started working on my body. I invested my time in aerobics and reading health books. As I wanted back my fit body, which made many women jealous and I enjoyed that. Within a few weeks I was strutting with 34-28-36 stats. I was ‘oh so’ proud of my fabulous figure.
Friends and relatives appreciated and praised me for my determination and devotion. Especially my parents were my biggest admirers. After few years, I was giving tips on,’ how to get an enviable figure even after having a baby’. More often than not, people mistook me for elder sister of my daughter. Then sitting on cloud nine, I would explain them, “I am blessed with wonderful genes”. Followed by, a lecture on benefits of healthy food and exercise. Turning heads and staring eyes re-affirmed my belief. Life was rocking and I was a super confident woman, or say, a girl.
Then came October 2007, when my younger daughter was born via cesarean section. I was shocked and couldn’t believe for few days that I failed to deliver the baby naturally. I dreaded to see my scar in the mirror. Lots of doubts and questions started haunting me. Would I ever be able to flaunt my midriff in a sari? How would my husband react while getting intimate? Next few months had worse in store for me. I felt as a queen feels on being dethroned.
Within a couple of months I gained a lot of weight due to hormonal imbalance. My health deteriorated as I suffered post-partum depression as well. I was trying to cope with all this when my mother invited me for a family function. I dressed in my best sari thinking that I am looking quite slim and sexy. Seeing me, my sisters started playing Chinese whispers about my bloated body. One of my sister pointed out to my parents that your favorite daughter is in pathetic state. To add insult to injury, they started sympathizing in front of my husband. That night I came back home with a heavy heart. As if this was not enough to humiliate me that my neighbors came calling very next day. Actually they came to see the new born but were non-stop staring at me. Finally the gentleman bombarded me with a nuclear bomb. Very politely he spoke to his elephant sized wife, “now you should not sulk about being fat, as you are not the only one around”. My god knows, I felt like killing him, but don’t know what stopped me. Out of sheer desperation and lot of anger I took out all my dresses. I asked my husband, “Do I really look so fat”? “Now I am going to prove to one and all that I am not as fat as they think”. My husband stood aside quietly, looking at me. He wanted to tell me something but he did not.
Then I picked my sexy little black dress and tried wearing it. ‘God help me fit in this’, I was praying silently. The dress didn’t slip below my shoulders. That was it, I burst into tears and cried out loud and my husband jumped in to hug me. For the first time I felt like just a ‘body’ and not a human being.
After a lot of patience, dance, yoga, homeopathy and four years, I am healthy and slim again. Now when people admire me, I stay grounded. I understand they are talking about my physical form and not the real ‘me’. I want everybody to know there is much more in a woman than ‘her body’.