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This bio is a description of a woman's life and her thoughts as a single mother experiencing endless judgement in society, yet being able to rise above and live up to her own expectations. Written in first person:

(DRAFT)

Turmoil
I am constantly being held without being charged..., without access to a lawyer or any indication of when, if ever, I might be released, without any hope of ever being heard...

Crucified
It took me a while to understand the glances that I get when I say I'm still a 'Miss' - never married...Now I understand the silence when I say I'm a single mom, as well...

As a single mom, you are already judged as 'a disgrace' without opportunity of a trial...You are already judged as 'unworthy' without being given the chance...Men literally run the opposite direction when they find this out...The ones that don't run usually think you are desperate for a man - we can all guess where that is headed.

Yes, I want companionship. But desperate? NO.

Fairy Tale
There are moments when I wish for my prince charming to come sweep me off my feet. There are moments when I think my prince charming has arrived...Only to realise that fairy tales don't exist alongside diapers, milk, wet bed, and endless bills. So, I stopped believing in fairy tales. Well, they do say "three is a crowd" - and I would be insane not to believe it.

I haven't stopped believing in love, though...I just don't trust myself anymore. The only thing that matters to me is that the person who will love me should be able to love my son and be with him and treat him as his own. I'm still to witness this, seeing that there are people who don't even love their own...seeing that my kindness is mistaken for desperation...Hence, fairy tales can only exist in my dreams.

The Woman:
I'm a single mom. I'm a little crazy, a bit uptight and weird. I'm a lover of all things good and all things that makes logic. I'm a bundle of contradictions and a bit mysterious. I strive to be the perfect version of a real woman. Hence, my personality seems to be a little too perfect, yet it's all real. I don't try to please you, I try to please me - within reason, of course...And reasonable, is my second nature.

Yes, I repeat that I'm a single mom, and I'm all woman. If you get to experience the depth of my love, you'll come to realise (sooner or later), that it's the ultimate - you won't find any other kind of love...(You'll happen to tell me that years later when you realise that your search for a woman could have ended the moment you met me; but later will probably be too late for you) you can feel my warmth...True love at its best. Realistic. ?

The Girl:
I'm not the girl who gushes over cheesy movie lines, nor the one who reads love stories anymore. I prefer adventure, fantasy and thrillers. Maybe it's my escape from the harsh world we live in. But I love it nevertheless...?

I love pop and deep house music. I prefer to read books, go to theatre, listen to the sound of life, travel rather than go shopping. I prefer to be on my own, than be in the company of pretentious people or be in the company of people I deem unworthy. I'm a crtitic, too choosy; and proud to be me.

The Caretaker
I hate being the lone enforcer of rules, the one who has to make the hard decisions. I hate being the only one that everyone looks at to solve problems. School events are difficult when I sit alone, while parent pairs together, chatting away. It sadly reminds me that I'm in this journey by myself.

The crying, the screaming tantrums...The search for suitable schools and I alone has to make a decision for this young life that will affect him for the rest of his life.

The single parent has a lonely road to walk. It is hard. It is stressful. And she has to work double as hard to provide MORE than his needs and wants. If she happens to get it right and her children are successful members of society, no one would think twice about how it happened. But if the children fail, she alone is held accountable (and most times it's not fair).

I'm a mother to a 4 year old handsome boy and his smile...His smile melts everything away, and when he puts his small little hands on my neck and hugs me tightly...? Everything is forgotten when he looks in my eyes and he says 'mommy, mara nna ke a go rata' [but mommy, I love you] or when I do something he likes and he says 'thank you, mom'. It wells up deep emotions within me.

Past Life
Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I decided to stay...But everytime I see my son peacefully sleep, I know I have made the best decision of my life. Everytime I look back and see all the sacrifices I've made in the name of love, in the name of having father, mother and child in the same house; everything that I have experienced, and how hard I tried to keep it all together...The tears, the anger, the pain, the silence, the fights, the lonely nights, the depression, the attempt to accept of everything I stood against, everything I believed in...

I would defy social norms and I do not care about social acceptance - just to make sure that my son grows up in a loving home. That he is never gonna see how he cheats on me, lie to me, and never spend a weekend at home...

Now and Next
Even if I'm looked upon as a disgrace, the room gets silent by my mention of being miss and I get judged without a trial...I sleep peacefully at night knowing I'm all woman, a real woman and even though this journey is gonna be a helluva ride, I can brave any storm. ?