Ha! I think it's pretty self-explanatory. |
First Date This is not going to go as planned. Talk about unsettling – I am completely without seat. Afraid to talk, or I’ll throw up. And I’m shaking on the inside And clenching the edges of papers In small, isolated seizures And it’s rushing on like a freight train Like a highway spun backwards And I’m standing, alone, Silent And breathing heavy. This is the moment when I fall back on alcohol. When I imagine the soft fluidity of liquid bringing me into collapse Seducing me, sedating me, Tranquilizing my hip-hop-wired nerves. All I want to do is scream, once, at the top of my lungs, Into my pillow? Could imply rape. Unsure if whether or not you will put your hands on me your eyes on me, I don’t want that, can’t have that, You haven’t earned that. Don’t even know why you like me Or if I do, if I should, why should I like you When you’re tall and have a low voice And might be depressed, And I’m fucked up, too manic Don’t wanna get into this cest pool And really out of nowhere when you’re just about to bolt You ask me, like it’s nothing, If I’d like to go for a drink. And I bloody well did want to go for a drink Even though I don’t want to go for a fucking drink! Because your hands are big And sweaty Which would ruin everything, And I don’t know anything about you Or me, And I would just be saying the same, old, shit And it wouldn’t be fun, And we’d enter into the same, old, shit Like playing a game of pool And – whoops! – I showed too much cleavage, and hey, don’t you dare try and show me how it’s done, With your hands on my hips, Like that one time at work, Which thrilled me. I’m just a bundle of contradictions. And I don’t think this is right. I’d really like to shut this off like the lights like the zone of electricity, But it’s still there And I bet you’re so calm. And I’m sure I’ll smile, when it happens. And I’m sure it’ll go fucking well. I’m not taking a lick of joy from that, Only anxiety, Sallow, brown anxiety. And great, goddamn it, this isn’t going to work Get me out of it Climb out of my skull Onto the pavement Liquor me up, or I’ll never make it through this shit. It’s time to go. Man up. Grow some balls. Fuck me. |