Empress of Hearts

He remembered shuffling about aimlessly along the driveway of his apartment while waiting for the shuttle to take him to the airport. That was 11 hours ago, and it reminded him that he had not had anything to eat ever since that time. His stomach started to bite something fierce, and he wished he had indulged himself on that mabo tofu rice meal the flight attendants were serving earlier. Too late for that now. Maybe he could ask for some complementary peanuts to tide him over until they started serving lunch in about an hour or so. Or should that be breakfast? This was one of the reasons why he hated traveling across more than 12 time zones. Though he had never pursued a career in professional boxing like his high school friends had thought he would, he still maintained the dietary strictures he had become so accustomed to when he was still Gekkoukan’s Boxing Golden Boy. Skipping a meal for whatever reason – including intercontinental flights – had always annoyed him.

Akihiko Sanada, four-year resident of Berkeley, California and working as a systems analyst at the FBI San Francisco field office, scratched his head impatiently – though he had silver-gray hair, the color’s completely uniform dispersal combined with his supple, baby-face features meant that he never had to worry about being mistaken for being 20 years older than he really was. The fact that he was Japanese by birth only made the situation so ludicrous no one would ever doubt if he said he was only 24 years old – no one would dare tell an outrageous story unless it was true, right? Looking back, he remembered being slightly anxious that everyone would be busting his chops for being a naturally blond Japanese. To his relief, Californians were a unique breed. Having a sub-culture rooted in one of America’s biggest melting pots, they’d petition their congressmen to enact a law that would outlaw the word ‘xenophobia’ if it hadn’t been for Silicon Valley’s already skyrocketing realty tax. J-pop also helped some. Bottom line, no one gave him flak for an appearance that would have raised a state-full of eyebrows 20 years ago. The world had progressed, and people had become used to liberally-minded Gen Y-ers whose hereditary shiny black hair gave way to blues, brunettes, golden blonds…

And redheads…

Akihiko began fiddling with his cell phone – an attempt to push his mind away from the direction it began swerving to. He owned a nice enough phone, a unit touted as a must-buy for music and camera enthusiasts alike. Personally, he only cared about the music part. Besides, if he wanted to take pictures, he certainly wouldn’t rely on a camera built into a cell phone whose design limitations allowed a maximum of only 4 Megapixel resolution. Akihiko made a mental note to check out the latest SLRs once he arrived in Tokyo; someone had told him that 20 Megapixel models were now available.

His mind babbled too much garbage that he was almost proud of himself. Almost. He knew that no matter how much effort he wasted in this pointless pursuit, his mind would still drift back to that one thought. A cockroach caught in a flushing toilet bowl, paddling in utter futility. He felt like that cockroach, having struggled and died a million times over. He had been paddling for over eight years…

If I’m not in love with you
What is this I’m going through, tonight?

Akihiko yanked the blue tooth headset from his right ear. American music was so sappy. He didn’t need to hear that song today. Not today. Too mushy. He was too annoyed to tolerate mushiness.

Truth be told, though, the excessive sentimentality didn’t disturb him as much as the fact that the song struck a nerve, and he knew that. Ten years ago, he promised himself that he would learn how to fight, and he would grow strong, so that what happened to Miki wouldn’t have to happen to anyone else. A natural athlete, he could have tried out for swimming, kendo, or track-and-field. But he chose boxing because he wanted to learn how to fight with his bare hands. Apart from his studies, he couldn’t allow time for anything else. The lesson Miki taught him must be upheld at all costs.

Junpei, the typical teenager that he was, had teased him about wasting his good looks on such a face-busting sport. Better yet, why not go after girls? He could have as many girls as he wanted kissing his footprints if he so desired. Akihiko had indulged his SEES teammate once, when they ventured on that laughably ill-fated Operation Babe Hunt during the summer break at Yakushima. Junpei had shaken his head in resignation after realizing that Akihiko-senpai wasn’t so much keen at the girls they were supposed to pick up as he was at merely being successful in making the girls say yes, to hell with what happened after that. “Must everything be a competition for you, senpai? Geez. When you go pro you had better remember to collect the prize money after you win a fight, okay? Better yet, transfer it to my bank account, hehehe.”

Akihiko wasn’t the type to see red from a bicycle painted bright green. When Minato blew into town, everyone thought he did fast work on Yukari just because they arrived together on the first day of school. “Grow up.” He had wanted to tell kids who murmured wide-eyed about that transfer student who had snagged one of the two most popular girls in school on his first day. Having so far counted 10 apples in a basket didn’t necessarily mean that there were 30 apples in there.

His fondness for Mitsuru? What’s the big deal? They had known each other for a long time. They were no. 1 and no. 2 in SEES. They were batchmates. He was even well-acquainted with Mitsuru’s dad, for crying out loud. Akihiko was grateful – even though he had no doubt that people had mentioned in passing their suspicions about the liaison between the smartest girl in school and the captain of the boxing team, no one dared lay it out on him. If a guy did that, he just might let him get a taste of the business end of a left hook.

“We’re just friends. Teammates,” he had answered to anyone who asked and – to their benefit – made it look like the question was innocent. Akihiko was sure some folks had also asked Mitsuru that question, and he was doubly sure she had answered the same. “We’re just friends.” No big deal. The issue didn’t deserve a second thought.

He didn’t bother figuring out why he had to do a lot of introspection just to declare that they were just friends and Mitsuru had certainly said the same thing.

Now he didn’t know why he wanted to punch the wall with his bare hands after hearing from Yukari that Ryoji had tried to hit on Mitsuru.

And then he found himself asking if he should hit Ryoji instead.

“No, Ryoji’s a friend.”

Why did he have to say that? Why not just say “So what if Ryoji tried to hit on Mitsuru? What’s the big freaking deal?”

Why justify a course of non-action… when the very need to decide on it would affirm something that he insisted since time immemorial didn’t exist?

Blue tooth technology had evolved too damn well. Even with the headset lying on the pillow, he could still hear the song.

And if this heart is lying
Then what should I believe in?

There weren’t too many people arriving, Akihiko realized as he emerged from the passenger tube. He welcomed the light crowd. March was a low season for international flights. It was also the first month of spring, as well as graduation month. Thinking about it made him fish for the print-out from his coat pocket.

Gekkoukan High School Class of 2010 Homecoming – March 5, 2018 – Gekkoukan Alumni Hall, 511 Kenichi Dr., Iwatodai District, Tokyo

He didn’t know how to react to this. 511 Kenichi Drive, Iwatodai. Someone had the gall to turn their old dorm into the school’s Alumni Hall. A recent development, he thought. He was in Tokyo on business just a little over a year ago, and he paid a visit to the dorm. It was still a dorm then, with 10 occupants: 5 boys and 5 girls. Same set up as theirs back then. Akihiko didn’t know the new administrator, but she was kind enough to give him a tour of the place when he mentioned that he used to be an occupant himself. The fourth floor was being used mostly for storage, with the bins installed in the room that used to be the SEES command center. He could still feel the wave of bittersweet nostalgia when he saw the former command center, even at such a state.

By pure coincidence, Fuuka was also in the neighborhood that day. Their impromptu reunion was a happy one, although it was marred by Fuuka’s sad news of Koromaru’s death. He was run over by a truck on the very same spot his master was killed. She said it happened four years ago, a year before he graduated from college. Akihiko wept. Fuuka too, even though she was supposed to have adjusted already. Even after all these years, they still loved that dog.

Akihiko snapped back when someone bumped him from behind. Instinctively he felt his wallet in the back pocket of his pants. Still there. Can’t be too careful these days. There were shuttles outside the airport that would take him to his hotel, and some with a bee-line to the nearest monorail station. Akihiko pondered on the inconveniences of taking the monorail to Iwatodai with his entire luggage in tow. He traveled relatively light, but one small suitcase and one hand-carry were still a lot to lug around in a monorail, especially during the rush hour.

But he wanted before doing anything else to see what the dorm looked like now. He wasn’t much for sentimentalism, but the dorm being a Kirijo Group property, Akihiko knew of only one person who had the authority to make changes on a company asset, even a minor one like a dormitory that used to secretly headquarter a group that fought Shadows between 12:00:00 a.m. and 12:00:01 a.m. everyday and saved the world from The Fall. Could Mitsuru actually have decided on it?

So what if she did? Akihiko conceded. It wasn’t that Mitsuru might or might not have decided. It was that she had the power to decide to begin with. Being CEO of the Kirijo Group and all…

Wasn’t that the reason?

She had just returned from a week-long absence. The others had become testy and anxious. Between mourning over the death of Takeharu Kirijo and finding out that they’d been duped by someone whom they trusted with their lives, the members of SEES had suddenly lost direction. Morale was at rock-bottom, and the air of depression in the dorm was so thick Junpei could cut through it with his katana.

Mitsuru was in the command room, operating the monitor console. One may be the most beautiful human being on earth but after long nights of losing sleep, crying over her father and spearheading the activities for Kirijo Group’s corporate overhaul, severe wear and exhaustion had begun to show on Mitsuru’s face. To call her roadkill would be an insult to whatever dignity was left to every creature who ever died under a vehicle’s speeding chassis.

Akihiko watched her from the door of the command room. His every instinct told him to put his arms around her, guide her to her room and convince her to sleep for at least two days. But knowing Mitsuru, he knew how pointless it would be to even try.

Still, he heard the words coming out.

“It can’t wait?”

“No.” Mitsuru answered. Her voice was steady, as though she was not dead tired. As though her father never died. “So much to do, so little time.”

“Isn’t it always?”

“Well, my father did just die.”

Akihiko felt pinpricks under his feet. “Mitsuru, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“No, it’s fine. I’m just stating the facts. And with everything that’s happened I can’t afford to sit back and take a breather.”

(You’re not fine.) A trained fighter, Akihiko could always tell when someone was teetering on the brink of fatigue. If anything, Mitsuru was a spent candle.

It was the hardest thing to do, trying to keep a straight face. Akihiko knew what Mitsuru was doing. Trying to be strong, because if she gave in to grief for even a moment, everything would collapse like a house of cards. Other than the exhaustion evident in her face, Mitsuru showed no sign of capitulating. Akihiko couldn’t begin to fathom the tempest raging inside her, or the strength she was mustering to keep herself together.

He clutched his chest. Akihiko was in top physical shape, so this twisting, writhing pain inside couldn’t possibly be caused by a heart condition. If he could just give his life to give her an ounce of comfort…

If it's just infatuation
Then why is my heart aching
To hold you forever
Give a part of me I thought I'd never
Give again to someone I could lose

“I might be getting married soon.”

“What?”

Mitsuru looked at Akihiko, smiling. “Weird, isn’t it? And I don’t even have a boyfriend.”

“So what’s the deal?” He couldn’t avoid scowling. There were some things in this world that he simply couldn’t overpower. “I hope you’re just joking.”

“I’m not. My father’s death cast a serious doubt on the company’s ability to bounce back, and we need to do something to give investors and stock holders something they could hold on to. Something to make the company look stable again. The president of an affiliate company offered me marriage to accomplish that.”

“So you’re saying that this marriage thing is for business reasons only.” Akihiko was strangely relieved that Mitsuru wasn’t marrying for love. But still…

“Of course. Why? Do you know of anyone that I could actually marry for love?"

(ME!) “Minato?”

“And permanently get on Yukari’s bad side? Thanks but no thanks.” She laughed.

“I’ve seen how you look at him.” He hadn’t, actually. But in boxing it was allowed to fake a punch.

“He’s an interesting guy,” Mitsuru said. “And his grades are way above norm so I wouldn’t mind if he asked me out.”

(And mine isn’t?) “You’re not going to gush again about how different he is and how he could summon several Personas in battle.”

“No. No… he’s just interesting…”

Her words and the fact that she didn’t deny anything shot like a torpedo that sank his heart. Akihiko would enjoy being punched in the kisser right now. He baited her, it backfired. He deserved it.

“I don’t have time for that right now. Ikutsuki-san fooled us into bringing the twelve Shadows together to serve his twisted agenda. I have to figure out his real intentions. And there’s still the matter of the Dark Hour and Tartarus to deal with. And…”

“And you…” He was already behind her. “You need to rest.”

There were things in this world that he simply couldn’t overpower. Akihiko’s hands were on Mitsuru’s shoulders. He heard her sigh, a soft, mildly tortured breath. Her arms, tense as a piano wire since the day they met, relaxed and sagged. He worried about her falling down, so he put his arms around her. His lips almost touched her ears.

“It’s okay to cry.”

“No, it isn’t." If she allowed grief get to her, she couldn't do anything else.

“I know you have responsibilities, but you’ve been bottling your grief inside. You don’t have to do that. You have friends to share the burden with.”

“There’s you, four other people, a robot, and a dog fighting Shadows with me. I’ve shared more than enough.”

“We don’t want your guilt, we just want you. To open up to us.”

“I don’t know how…”

“I want you.”

Why else do I want you like I do?

Mitsuru’s tired eyes leveled with Akihiko’s questioningly, as though he had said something that offended her.

“To open up to me. As your friend,” he said, fighting back bitter pangs. “We’re all your friends, not just your teammates.”

“Oh, I thought you were…”

“Perish the thought.” He helped her up. “Come on, I’ll walk you to your room.”

If I’m not in love with you


His cell phone played the first measure of Kathy Trocolli’s ‘If I’m Not In Love With You’. A short message came in from Todd, a friend at work. ”Victoria says Hi,” It said. Akihiko chuckled.

(Give it up, dickhead.) He tossed the phone on the bed.

He had gotten used to how easily Americans could squeeze extracurricular matters in the workplace, a far cry from how the Japanese in the workforce took their jobs so seriously to the point of being unable to discuss anything else when in the office. And many times, the subject of these extracurricular matters was his seeming immunity to the call of social dating. He scoffed. If other girls didn’t interest him in high school and college, he couldn’t see the possibility of things changing after that.

"Man, you could have any girl you want.” Todd had told him a lot of times, in the process reminding him of Junpei. “Don’t tell me you’re holding out for someone.”

A shot in the dark, but one that hit dead center. Akihiko had always countered with a set of requirements he had just completed just to shut him up. “You are holding out for someone.” Was Todd’s parting shot before taking off.

Akihiko couldn’t say that he did. Not directly anyway. He’d been in the institution for years now and his dashing looks didn’t escape the scrutiny of coworkers who thought the same as Junpei. There had been girls like Victoria, Evangeline, Josie, Claire, and several others whom his colleagues had set him up with. He’d gone to dinners, movies, sailing and hiking trips with most of them, with none getting a call for a second date. As a result, a few tactless individuals had suggested that he may have been gay. Akihiko had wanted to challenge them on the ring. But in retrospect, notwithstanding the fact that it was none of their damn business, they did have a point to be suspicious about his sexual orientation, however misguided.

He never bothered to set the record straight, though. An intensely private person, he couldn’t just bring himself to open up to anyone. How could he tell them that whenever one of those girls alighted from a corner or walked past, he was wishing for the infinitesimal twist of fate that he’d see her?

He had never been able to open up to anyone in his life, save one person. Shinjiro, his best friend. But he died without ever having known about his Mitsuru issue. He still missed him, and besides everything else, he regretted that he had no one else to unload his burden on.

That was, until one New Year’s morning, after the group arrived home from the Naganaki shrine.


“Minato, hey.”

“How’s it going, senpai?”

“Pretty good. Come on in.”

Though Akihiko would never admit it, he shared the fascination everyone else felt for Minato. In all the battles they had fought together, he had yet to see his blue-haired teammate display any kind of fear, panic or apprehension. As though he was born with a sword in his mouth – which was unlikely considering that apart from being a Shadow-slaying crusader by night, he was just like any other average Gekkoukan high junior. Maybe a tad smarter, more magnetic and more amiable than all the other guys in school, but he was still just an average high schooler. At least that was what he wanted to see him as.

“Are you mad at me?” Minato said, drawing mild puzzlement from the senior student.

“Mad at you? For what?  Were you the one who took my favorite handwraps?"

“No, I didn’t take it.” Minato laughed. Akihiko swore he detected a hint of anxiety, but he immediately dismissed it. Minato, anxious? That’ll be the day.

“Then what is it?”

Minato bowed, surprising him. “I apologize for having placed such a burden upon you all. After Ryoji revealed that all the Shadows we’ve been fighting every full moon were actually being drawn to me, it made me regret being here. If it hadn’t been for me…”

“Don’t let Junpei’s outburst get to you,” Akihiko interrupted. “He’s just scared, just like all of us. But he didn’t mean what he said.”

“I wish that were true.”

“I know it is. Besides, things like this work themselves out.”

“You don’t sound worried. Ryoji said Nyx could not be killed.”

“So are you.”

“What makes you say that?”

Akihiko wasn’t sure if Minato was just trying to be modest. And admittedly, he was a little bit annoyed. Anyone getting the kind of attention and admiration he’d been getting from everyone had no right to display false modesty.

“Well, let’s face it. You’re an excellent fighter, you wield the power of dozens of Personas, and if not for you we wouldn’t have been able to win over all those monsters. If we ever have any hope of defeating something that’s supposed to be undefeatable, it’s because you’re in the team.”

Minato didn’t answer, and his silence gave an opening that Akihiko the boxing boy could exploit.

“Even Mitsuru’s impressed with you. And she doesn’t get impressed easily.”

“Oh yeah, that.” Minato scratched his head. “I didn’t know, at least before she told me about the two of you.”

Ever since hearing about Minato and Mitsuru going out on several occasions, Akihiko had been waiting for this opportunity. He really meant only to bait Minato into talking about Mitsuru so he could gauge how much he liked her. Nothing else. If they really were into each other, what right did he have to intrude?

Never in a million years could he have anticipated what Minato said.

“About us? What do you mean about us?”

“I asked her about you.”

If Minato simply intended to turn the spotlight away from him, it worked.

“What did she say?”

“She said she was proud of you, and that she’s happy to see that you’ve matured.”

“What the hell does that mean?” Akihiko was feigning bewilderment . In reality, his heart was fluttering.

“At the least? A fingerhold.” Minato smiled. “Come on, senpai. I’m trying to help you out here.”

Akihiko turned his back to his teammate, not wanting to show him blush. “I thought you liked her.”

“Oh, you heard me talking to Junpei in Yakushima?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I do like her. Who doesn’t?” Minato slapped him on the shoulder. “But something tells me how you feel is way beyond the ballpark of ‘like’.”

Akihiko didn’t know how to reply to that. It seemed no matter how hard he tried to be subtle, at the very least those close to him were still able to see through his feelings. He didn’t know whether to feel proud or embarrassed.

“If I may, senpai? You don’t have a great deal of time. Despite what you say about me, we still have no idea how to beat Nyx, and the promised day is just a month away. If I were you, I’d do something about my feelings for her.”


Should he have done it? Could he have done it? If he had, what would have happened?

It was probably that last question that kept him from doing anything. As a boxer, he knew that climbing on the ring against an opponent assured at least a week of nursing cuts, bruises, and the occasional concussion in the few times he faced exceptionally hard-punching adversaries. Akihiko had never feared them. He had never feared Shadows either. Nyx? It was safe to say he wasn’t afraid as well. All he needed to do was look that monstrosity in the eye and try to plant his fist into its heart. If they won, good. If not, there wouldn’t be much left of the world to mull over. He had nothing to lose.

But telling Mitsuru that he liked her? It unnerved him. Now more than ever, when the responsibilities left behind by her father assured that she could no longer afford to lend time for anything else. For a consummate academic, it meant worlds for her to even consider foregoing college to take the helms of the Kirijo Group. But she did, and he could just imagine how much it tore her up to even allow the possibility of giving up on her own plans for the future. If she could do that to something that was very important to her, how could he even hope for her to give him the time of day if he told her he liked her?

One of Akihiko’s purposes in consenting to ask other girls out was to test himself. It had been absolutely effortless for him to go up to a girl and invite her for coffee. Only one turned him down, and he didn’t mind one single bit. No big loss, he handily surmised, followed by the everlasting She’s no Mitsuru afterthought.

One time, while approaching Reiko, he pictured in his mind’s eye that it was Mitsuru he was about to invite for an after-work drink. Akihiko found himself trembling and rooted on the floor.

He didn’t know how to take rejection from her. Just the thought of asking her out made him feel as though an army of archers from Japan’s ancient past had a bead on his heart. Akihiko knew it was total bullshit, but for him it still felt like he had everything to lose. Like his grip on sanity.


Why do I go crazy
Every time I think about you baby?

Akihiko glanced on the desk calendar. Mar 4 2018, said the digital display. Tomorrow, the big day. And he found himself asking if he was ready for this. He hadn’t seen her for eight years, he didn’t even know if she was still calling the shots for Kirijo or if she ever pushed through with the wedding. The last thought sent a chill up his spine. What if she had? What if he saw her tomorrow and she was already using someone else’s last name?

It had been eight long, hellish years. Why did he feel like they had said goodbye only yesterday?


“Frigging hard, isn’t it?”

”What?”

”It’s hard seeing your loved one go away,” Junpei repeated as he sat beside Akihiko on the lounge sofa, a sketch book tucked in his arm. “I should know, I felt the same way when Chidori died.”

One week ago, he got a call from Mitsuru, informing him that she’d be dropping by the dorm to see the others before leaving for London. Though delighted for the excuse to be reunited with his SEES teammates, Akihiko felt reluctant. Of course, Mitsuru practically told him that she wanted to see him too, but for what? She was on her way to a far away place, so very beyond his reach. Why should he bother to see her just to endure a painful goodbye?

He did, anyway. At Narita, everyone was there, including Koromaru, whose tail was flat on the floor as he watched Yukari, Fuuka and Ken tearfully hugging their departing senpai. Aigis, that undisputed wonder of cutting-edge technology, didn’t shed a tear, though it was strange seeing a machine hugging and kissing Mitsuru on the cheek. Junpei did the same.

Akihiko simply squeezed her hand. The others had gone ahead, as though giving the two a moment for themselves.

“Be good,” mouthed Mitsuru.

(DON’T GO!) “You too. And be sure to call me if you ever get into trouble.”

“Why? You gonna come and rescue me?” Mitsuru smiled; that same beautiful smile that threatened the sunset’s claim as the most beautiful thing ever seen by human eyes.

The gloss in her eyes was tell-tale, or so Akihiko wished. He’d shoot to the high heavens if the sadness she displayed was somehow meant for him. Reality check. It was meant for all of them.

Still, he was elated that Mitsuru seemed to expect the others to give the two of them a moment.

If only…

“Yeah, you bet I will.”

It was the best he could say along the line of ‘I love you.’

Then she was gone.

“We’re just friends,” Akihiko said, almost choking from recalling yesterday’s scene.

“Sure, whatever, senpai. Tell that to your fork. You’ve been jabbing that protein shit for the last two hours.”

“I don’t feel like eating.”

“But senpai, a growing boy like you needs your vitamins and minerals, the kind found only in Hagakure. Treat us for ramen?”

“You’re not gonna sucker me again.”

“Well, I just thought after seeing Mitsuru-senpai leaving, you’d be so devastated parting with a few bucks would seem nothing to you.”

“You are not gonna sucker me again.”

But in truth, Akihiko did feel like emptying his pocket just to punish himself for letting her walk out of his life just like that.

It took a while before Junpei spoke again.

“They say it gets easier. Dealing with loss, I mean.”

“I hope so.”


If Junpei had been right, maybe it just wasn’t time yet for things to get better. Two years after Mitsuru left, thoughts of her still influenced everything he did, from the amount of effort he exerted in studying to his decision to be a member of the student council. Four years, when he emerged summa cum laude, Akihiko wondered if she’d be proud of him if she’d learned about it.  Five years, on the plane bound for San Francisco, he imagined running into her at one of the parks near the Golden Gate bridge.

Eight years, receiving an invite to the Gekkoukan High reunion, his first thought was Mitsuru might be there.

He was of two minds on wishing to see Mitsuru there or not. On the one hand, the only thing that had been driving him to live his life for the past eight years was the stubborn hope that he’d see her again someday. Now, at long last, could be his chance. On the other hand, he was asking that same ‘What’s the point?’ question. They meet, they chat, they exchanged new phone numbers and email addresses, and then they part, with no certainties that he’d see her again. Like how it was at the airport in Narita when he last saw her. How could he hope to entertain any chance that things would be different this time around?

Maybe he could make them different… if he weren’t too terrified to try.

"Don’t be a wuss, Aki." Shinjiro would have been sure to say had he been beside him right now.

What if she was neck-deep in work and had no time for anything else? Or worse, what if she had married?

Akihiko was almost surprised to see that he was already by the door steps of the Alumni Hall. The door was open and people dove in and spilled out with festive celerity. Easily recognizing a lot of familiar faces, he gingerly inched in and was greeted by a storm of handshakes, high-fives and pecks on the cheek. Han, his co-captain in the boxing team, did the third. He was already drunk.

Entering, Akihiko didn’t take long to scan the sprawling chamber before spotting Mitsuru. Almost immediately, he felt his face flush. Even after all this time, she still stood out easily among the rest of the sheep, like a lone red rose on a bed of landscaped blue grass, and not only because she still let her crimson-soaked hair down to cover part of her face. Almost gasping, he noted that practically nothing had changed about Mitsuru, except that she wore an ensemble of smart, navy-colored business suit over a peach-colored blouse instead of the school-prescribed white pin-striped blouse and black knee-length skirt he used to see her in. He wasn’t sure whether she was wearing very light make-up or the pale-pink blush on her face was the natural one. Seated on the table with her were Hidetoshi Odagiri and four other former members of the student council.

Two more former classmates intercepted him, to which Akihiko obliged, hiding his impatience. Glancing over his back, he then saw Mitsuru, an excited expression gushing from her face as she waved at him energetically. “Excuse me, guys,” he said hastily before peeling off. Mitsuru separated from her group as well and headed him off at the pass.

“Heeeeyyyy!”

“Hi there, gorgeous.”

Oh, why in every fantasy
Do I feel your arms embracing me?
Like lovers lost in sweet desire

A million years could pass by for all he cared, Akihiko still would never let her go from this embrace if it was his choice. He had waited agonizingly long for this moment.

“You’re looking good,” enthused the Empress of his heart as they broke it off. He could almost whine in frustration. “I heard you’re based in California now.”

“I am.” The way he beamed, a full moon would have been dim in comparison. “And you’re still in London?” Mitsuru nodded. “How’s the company?”

“Getting better and worse at the same. You wouldn’t believe the pressure those board members are dumping on me.” She caught herself. “I don’t wanna talk about it. How about you? Wow, you look great. You’ve been dating left and right, haven’t you?”

“No, no dating.” He’d say ’The only good one for me is taken’ if he didn’t think it too soon for anything but make an ass of himself. “Too busy with work. How about you? Did you… well?”

“What?” She made no qualms about discerning his thoughts readily. “Get married?”

“Yeah.” His heart almost stopped in the split-second, wishing he hadn’t asked that. He didn’t know if he was ready for the answer. Oh well. “Finally went through with it?”

“No, I never did.”

All was right in the world.

“Really? So you re-established your company’s good standing the hard way, huh.”

“Yeah. It was difficult, but I had help.”

“I bet you did. But you should have called me, you know. I would have come running if I knew you were having a hard time,” Akihiko said, meaning every word.

“I thought about it, but I didn’t want to impose on you. Besides…”

Yada-yada-yada. For a few moments Mitsuru’s words were lost in Akihiko as he focused on only one thought. She actually thought about calling him.

“Hey, let’s go sit with the others.”

Akihiko was pleasantly surprised to see how Mitsuru had changed. She was more loose and relaxed now than back in high school, and had actually learned to joke. She also laughed easier now, unlike before when in the rare times he cracked a joke, she had always responded with nothing more than an incredulous smirk. And that was when she was in a good mood. The way Mitsuru behaved now, Akihiko found it hard to picture her getting out of the wrong side of the bed. Adversities had really changed her for the better, it seemed. And he couldn’t be happier.

As class reunions were wont to do, the event proceeded with an eternity of rambunctious hollers, squeals and laughter as friends long lost got together again. Akihiko had to admit that it was a blast seeing his classmates again, and it wasn’t just once that he momentarily left Mitsuru’s side to immerse in the festivities, fooling around with old colleagues who expressed envy at his managing to keep fit while they couldn’t avoid putting on extra poundage. There was even a point when, after noticing that the two sat beside each for the most part of the evening, the host of the event called him and Mitsuru on stage, triggering an almost out of control frenzy as everyone made a ruckus on how – and why – the two of them stayed single after all these years. Flattery had never swayed Akihiko, but this one was an exception. Being insinuated as Mitsuru’s possible destiny made him feel all lit up inside.

It all went by so fast. Before he knew it, he was back in his apartment in California, sluggishly unpacking, pondering on the unfairness of the truth that no good thing lasted forever. Looking back, he couldn’t help marveling at the happiness he felt - a complete and absolute opposite of the biting cold and painful loneliness devouring his soul right now, like a part of him died and the rest was left with no trace of warmth whatsoever. Though spring had already awoken the trees, he felt like the dead of winter.

Later that night, Akihiko sat on the terrace, his eyes transfixed on the clear night sky. The stars were a sight to behold tonight, looking more brilliant than ever.

And all he could see was Mitsuru’s face.

Why do I miss you so much tonight?

There were a lot of people he mingled with during the reunion. But no matter who he talked to, Akihiko couldn’t help looking back at Mitsuru. Her face was still vivid in his mind, with the way she met his gaze, as though with her sparkling eyes she spoke directly into his heart. Doggedly avoiding presumptuousness, he insisted that he was nothing more than a long lost friend and comrade-in-arms to her, and the profound fondness in the way she stared at him, even when someone else was talking to her, was just a natural behavior that she would have accorded Minato, Yukari, Junpei, Fuuka, Aigis, Ken, Shinjiro or Koromaru with had they been there.

Never mind that during those moments, all he wanted to do was kiss her.

But he never did that. He never did anything else for that matter other than sit beside her as a former schoolmate, former SEES teammate, and close friend. He now knew that he shouldn’t have counted on providence to get the chance to have her all to himself after the reunion drew to a close. None of his plans materialized. Even before the program ended, Mitsuru had to leave to attend business in Singapore. Bitter with regret, he walked her to her chauffeur-driven limo.

“You mean you came here straight from the airport?”

“Yeah. An enormous inconvenience,” Mitsuru said, ignoring the chiming communicator in her purse.  “And now I’m driving back to the airport.”

“Damn, Mitsuru. You’re a 24-year old CEO who had to go country-hopping because no one else would. You should have just gone straight to your meeting instead of making the stop-over here. This is too stressful, you know,” he said half-hypocritically.

“Can’t be helped. I wanted to see you.” Mitsuru kissed Akihiko on the cheek. “I’ve gotta go. Call me, okay?”

A presumptuous exercise, him wanting to hold her to a supposed promise to get in touch with him just because she said to call him. At least a dozen former classmates said the same thing.

But this is Mitsuru we’re talking about!

As long as he’d known her, he’d never taken anything she said for granted. He always took her seriously. Cynicism aside, if there was a chance that she really meant what she said, shouldn’t he take it?

And why in dreams do I surrender
Like a little baby
How do I explain this feeling?
Someone tell me

Akihiko sighed deeply. What was the point of all this?

Mitsuru’s eyes misted when they parted ways eight years ago. She had always been adamant about him calling her whenever he had to come home late. She was there everyday when he was hospitalized for his Shadow-inflicted injuries. Minato said she was happy to see him gaining maturity. During the reunion, her attention seemed mostly focused on him.

None of these things were conclusive.

And in the end, none of them mattered.

If I'm not in love with you
What is this I'm going through, tonight?
And if this heart is lying then
What should I believe in?

He tried skirting the answer once before, and all he ended up was broken and empty for eight years. Seeing Mitsuru’s face in every girl he dated, wishing she’d suddenly appear in front of him everywhere he went, jumping in attention whenever he heard ‘Kirijo’ in the news…

For eight years he ached, all because he did nothing.

In boxing, he attacked to create an opening, not the other way around.

What the hell had he been doing?

Why do I go crazy?
Every time I think about you baby
Why else do I want you like I do?
If I'm not in love with you

He loved her. Did it really matter whether there was a chance she’d love him back? Or not?

No. All that mattered was for him to show her.

… … …

She probably knew anyway. But that, too, didn’t matter.

Akihiko glanced his watch. 11:27 p.m. Breakfast in London. He dialed long distance on his cell phone. The ringtone failed to mask the drumming of his heart.

Mitsuru Kirijo speaking.”

“No, I’m not the CFO. You can relax now.”

“Akihiko.” Mitsuru giggled softly. He could hear the sound of bed sheets crumpling. ”Thanks. My alarm clock’s busted.”

“Has anyone ever told you what a sexy bedroom voice you have?”

“Nope. You’re the only guy who has this number, and I couldn’t imagine any of my girl friends gushing about my bedroom voice.”

“Really.” He tried to keep a sudden heave of deep breath from being audible. “That mean you have a separate line in your bedroom?”

“That’s about to change unless you tell me why you’re calling so early.”

“What, you told me to call.”

“And if I didn’t, does that mean I have to wait another eight years just to talk to you again?”

“No, Mitsuru. I’m the one who waited for eight years, not you.”

“I did too.”

“No, you did not.”

“Did too.”

“Okay, fine.” It was a lost cause, pretending to concede just to shut her up. Everyone and his dog now knew that his heart was dancing with joy.  “Does this mean you’re letting me buy you coffee?”

“This is London. Civilized people drink tea here.”

“Whatever.”

“But I'd much prefer dinner. Dinners take forever here."

(Forever's great as long as it's with you.) "Cool. Sounds good."

“Awfully long flight, though, fly boy. Could you make it on Saturday?”

(Not even Nyx could keep me away.) “Sure. Saturday. No problem.”

“Okay, it’s a date.”

“Great.”

“And Aki…”

(Aki?) “Yeah?”

“If you stand me up, I’m going to execute you.”

“No. HELL NO. There will NOT be a repeat of Kyoto.”

“Great. I can hardly wait.”

The call had ended an hour ago, and yet Akihiko was still sitting on the terrace, a blissful smile painted on his face. Another hour later, he was on the phone again, browsing the site of his travel agent.