Coleen

Part 1

Coleen

         I pulled into the parking lot and parked closest to the door. I slowly climbed out of my rusted red pick up truck. I grabbed my back pack on the seat beside me and pushed open the door. A boy wearing the fire fighters crest studied me curiously as I slammed the door closed and didn’t even bother to lock the door. I wasn’t too worried about anyone wanting to steal anything from this hunk of junk.
         I reached into my pocket and flipped open my phone. It was a regular good morning text from my boyfriend Jack. I smiled and sent a reply before I shut the phone and headed into the building.
         Fairmount college was like a beehive. It was bright, open and was crawling with people that you often got caught up in the wonders of it all. I merged with the traffic and walked through hallway after hallway till I reached my lecture on the fourth floor. 
         I pushed open the door and looked around at the 10 faces or so. I nodded to some that had become my friends over the years and sat in my regular seat at the back of the room. I pulled out my Macbook Pro, which was required for the media arts program and searched the newsfeed on my facebook. There was nothing new except for a few pictures and comments on how much everyone wasn’t looking forward to the upcoming exams. I sighed and started searching up movie videos and movie trailers.
                   “Hey, sorry I’m late. I stopped to get some tim hortins.” Holly James said as she tossed her backpack onto the table and placed a cup of tea in front of me. I smiled at her and took a deep inhale.
                   “Oh thank you! I needed this.” I said as I took a sip and let the caffeine rush through my body. “So how was your weekend?”
                   “Boring, I pretty much studied the whole time.” She said tossing her naturally blonde hair over her shoulder and pushing her glasses higher onto her nose. Her blue eyes were red and tired from lack of sleep over the last two weeks. I remember when we had met two years ago we joked about how she was the perfect Aryan; blonde and blue eyed and pale as can be. Two years ago, it seems so long ago.
                   “I agree. I barely did anything else all weekend.” I lied. The whole weekend I did everything but study. I picked up two extra shifts at my stupid part time job filing receipts. I hung out with Jack on Friday night and then talked on the phone with my best friend Tess. Exams were not something that I put as first priority. I always saw it as my way of rebelling. My parents always told me that I was smart and because I barely did anything bad as a teenager I saw not getting good grades as a way to live on the edge. Since then my life has been travelling in the same dull circle.
         You see this is my third time trying to find a career that I actually like. When I graduated highschool I jumped into the nursing pool for two years and then graduated and realized that it sucked and dealing with sick people every day was emotionally exhausting. No wonder nurses are all bitchy at the end of the day.
The year after that I went across the world to study English literature. The only way this was possible was because I had a cousin living in England and I bunked with him and his new wife for two years before he gave me the talk and told me that with the birth of their twins they would need the extra room in their flat. So I graduated, realizing that there was basically no future in English Lit unless I was going to be a professor or a book editor, which I was not interested in either of them. So here I am, three years into my media arts program, coming up to the end of the program and getting that same sinking feeling that there just isn’t a career out there for me.
         “Yo man. Totally zoning out on me.” Holly said snapping her fingers in front of my face. I blinked at her and smiled.
         “Sorry, what did you say?” I asked and zoned out again as she stared on again about studying and the expectations the profs would have.




Tessa

         I finally turned off my phone after it vibrated for the 14th time during my final. I sighed deeply as I pushed my curly black hair from my face and bit the eraser of my pencil as I read the question.
         A paitent is complaining of extreme pain in the lower abdomen, lack of appetite, severe headaches, has a fever of 105 and is lethargic. What disease have they contracted?
I studied the answer and shook my head. Think Tessa Think. A million different diseases were running through my head but the four listed in the multiple choice all seemed like they were the right answer. I looked them over and thought about each of their symptoms. My process of elimination went as such.

A) varicella-zoster: zoster reminded me of herpes which then made me remember Herpes Zoster, which is commonly called Shingles. Shingles are a form of chicken pox that are stress related and common to the elderly. Then I remembered that varicella-zoster is chicken pox and there was no symptom of thousands of small itchy blisters.

B) Epityphlitis: the –itis made me think of cities, for some reason, which then led me to citis which then, after many other odd words led me to appendicitis. I thought about the symptoms but high fevers were never really a sign of Appendicitis unless the appendix ruptured. And the question asked what disease they contracted.

C) Infectious Mononucleosis: this one was easy for me. Infectious Mononucleosis is another word for Mono, or the kissing disease. It’s symptoms were fever, fatigue, malaise and a sore throat but not abdomincal pain.

D) Salmonella typhi: which was another word for typhoid fever. I thought of the symptoms; high fever, abdominal pain, lethargic… I looked over the answers and realized that this was the answer.

         When the exam was over I left the building shaking. I leaned against the wall beside me and inhaled the fresh air.
                   “Stressed?” A deep voice spoke from beside me. I turned and studied the man who sat on the curb in a white lab coat. He was older, with black hair that was graying on the sides and the deepest blue eyes I had ever seen. I blinked at him and then realized I had forgotten what he had said.
                   “Pardon?” I said hoping I didn’t blush.
                   “Are you stressed out?”
                   “Surprisingly yes.”
                   “Just finished an exam?” He asked as he held out a cigarette to me. I looked at it and thought about how it was completely against what I was studying. Then I grabbed it and sat on the curb next to him.
                   “My last one.” I said with a sigh and then pulled on the cigarette as he lit it. He nodded at me and inhaled his cigarette deeply.
                   “I remember those days. The worst days of your life.” He said and I noticed that his ring finger was decorated with a small gold band. My heart sunk a bit but then I shook my head and told myself to snap out of it.
                   “It’s the worst.” I agreed and watched the students walk across the lush green lawns of the medical school.
                   “Where are you doing your residency?” He asked as he waved to another doctor that walked by.
                   “I’m not sure yet.” I said with a shrug and at his surprise I smirked. “There are two options and I have two places to choose from.”
                   “Which ones?”
                   “Well there’s Saint Jude’s…”
                   “That’s a great one. It has a perfect learning environment.” He said with a nod and I nodded in agreement. “And the other?” I smiled slightly and looked at the ground.
                   “Fairmount general.” I said quietly and he choked on the smoke.
                   “What?” He looked at me with a mixture of surprise and amusement. “You’re stuck between a great place like Saint Jude’s and a run down shit hole like Fairmount? No offense.” He said and I laughed.
                   “It’s my mother’s idea.” I said and then wished I hadn’t. The look he gave me made my face heat up instantly. “You…You don’t understand.”
                   “I’d like to.” He said with a smirk.
                   “Well she…She needs me.” I said and then sighed. Explaining my relationship with my mother was hard. I took a drag and slowly blew out the smoke. “She’s all by herself there. When I was 6 my older brother died of leukemia and took all of my parents money with him. A year later my dad left us and started all over again with the perfect wife and two healthy boys. My mother has always pushed me to be a doctor. You be de one to cure de cancer, she would say.” I smiled and shook my head. “When I told her that I was moving away it broke her heart.” I fell silent as I remembered the look on my mother’s face as I drove away from our tiny little house.
                   “But she got used to you being here.” He said pulling me away from my thoughts.
                   “It took my two puppies and adding her to my “my-five” before she adjusted to it.” I laughed. “Anyways it would make her feel better if I lived at home again.”
                   “How old are you- What’s your name?”
                   “Oh, Theresa Ramierez. But most people call me Tess.” I said smiling a perfect smile and sticking my hand out. He grabbed it. His hand was remarkably bigger than mine and had hard callouses on it.
                   “Seamus Finn.” He said smiling and giving my hand a quick sqeeze. “Everyone calls me Finn.” I nodded and pulled the last breaths of the cigarette before putting it out.
                   “So Tess? You’re gonna live at home with momma for the rest of your life?” His cell phone started to ring a familiar tune and he reached into his pocket. He looked at the screen and sighed. “Here’s my advice. Live your life now, or you’ll be stuck living a life with someone telling you what to do for all of eternity.” He smiled at me and then stood up as he answered his phone.
         I watched him walk away snapping at the person on the other end of the phone. I stood up and grabbed my keys out of my bag and walked towards my little 2010 kia. It was a present from my aunts and uncles and mother for my last year of medical school. I opened the sleek black door and slipped into the car.
         I started the car and the song that came onto the radio made me smile. Fat Bottom Girls by Queen was playing and I realized that it was the same ring tone that Finn had on his phone. This reminded me of the many calls from my mother that I had ignored. I reached into my bag as I rolled down the windows and turned the phone back on.
         15 missed calls, four texts saying “call me, right away” and a voicemail all from my mother. I sighed and hit the redial button as I backed out of the parking lot. As the gates opened for me to leave the premises my mother picked up and she sounded out of breath.
                   “Hola Mami. Cómo está usted?” I asked in perfect Spanish.
                   “Querida, you must come home.” She said and I sighed.
                   “No Mama. I have to pack and get everything cleaned before I can come home. I told you this already, remember? I’ll be home Monday.” I shook my head thinking that the weekend was not long enough.
                   “No come home now.”
                   “Ma-“
                   “It’s Coleen.” She said and there was a hitch in her voice, which let me know that something was wrong.
                   “Qué?” I whispered.
                   “Come home mi amor, por favor.” She was crying, sobbing actually.
                   “Ci mami. I’m on my way.” As I hung up the phone I raced onto the highway and pushed my little car as hard as it could. Yet somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I wouldn’t make it.











Jackson          


I blinked at the harsh light that suddenly filled the room. I could smell her perfume before my eyes adjusted to her scared face. I studied her as if she weren’t really there, as if this image of her were a mirage. Her eyes flicked to mine and then away and she blinked.
         “Oh.” Her hand came to her mouth and tears welled in her eyes. She stepped forward, but as her foot touched the ground she crumbled. I raced to her side and wrapped my arms around her. I buried my face in her hair and held onto her tight. She was the closest thing I had and I wasn’t going to let her go.
I sat holding her in my arms as she sobbed into my chest. I stroked her hair and looked at the hand that hung over the side of the bed. Her nail were bright red, her favourite colour. She had just painted them last night. I remembered watching her study them precisely as she carefully led the tiny brush down her nail.
         “Fuck” She cursed as she got nail polish on her skin. I laughed at her and turned back to the hockey game on the tv. She sighed and looked at her nails after she put the lid on the cap. “Can we watch something else?” She begged and I felt that familiar annoyance creep up inside me.
         “It’s almost the end of the third period.” I sighed and cursed as yet another play was wasted by a no-goal.
         “Jack, this is so boring.” She whined in that voice that she knew pissed me off. It got me mad but she loved doing it. When I was good and mad she would laugh at me and that stupid smile of her would make me melt and I’d forget everything. This time I ignored her and focused entirely on the 60-inch flat screen that had been my 28th birthday present from my folks. “I’m definitely not moving in if this is what every day is going to be like.” She sighed and studied her nails.
         “Better for me. Then I don’t have some nagging woman under me all the time.” I sighed and she let out a loud laugh.
         “Under you. I’m always on top!” She spoke with a mixture of amusement and bitterness. I smirked and looked at her.
         “You’ve never objected before.” Her eyes flicked to my lips and she smiled.
         “Let’s watch Spartacus.” She said her dark brown eyes going glossy.
         “The movie? With Kirk Douglas?” I said confused.
         “No stupid. The show.” She ran her perfect hands down my arm and goose bumps broke out over my chest.
         “It’s almost done.” I said turning back to the tv and catching a goal finally. I cheered loudly and cracked open another beer. I could feel her watching me but I didn’t dare look at her.
         “Really?” She snapped and I raised my eyebrows at her. “What do I have to do to get a little attention around here?” She pouted and I shook my head.
         “10 minutes. That’s all that there is left.” I said, feeling as if I was talking to a 5 year old. She sulked for a minute before she climbed right onto my lap and kissed my neck. I could still see the screen behind her but when she bit the lobe of my ear everything went black. She giggled as I picked her up and brought her into the bedroom.
I blinked at her hand and tears formed in my eyes. It had been so perfect…how did it get to this.
         “How did it happen?” Tess asked me, sitting up and my arms fell away from her. We sat staring at the hospital bed and I shook my head.
         “I…I don’t know.” I said racking my brain for any sign.
         “I just talked to her last night.” She said before she broke into sobs again. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I could feel her tears soak my neck. I bit back my own tears, telling myself to be strong, but in reality I thought that if I started crying again I wouldn’t stop.
Tess slowly pulled away from me and crawled towards the bed. I stood up and helped her to her feet. I caught her when she looked down on the pale face on her best friend and my girlfriend.
         “Leen! Wake up!” She said falling onto the bed and shaking her shoulders. Her straight red hair was spread all over the pillow and her body shook with Tess’s hands but she never woke. “Leeny please!” Tess begged, using their childhood nicknames. She touched her face gently and placed a kiss on her lips and then bent her forhead to Coleen’s and cried.
Coleen looked so peaceful. When she had left my house early this morning she had wild curly hair and her make up was gone. She had kissed me goodbye and waved to me as she drove away. Now she lay here, with pin straight hair and her best make up on. It was twisted. I felt my stomach heave and I turned away.
         “Who found her?” Tess asked.
         “Her sister.” I whispered as if we might wake her.
         “Poor Gabbie.” She sobbed. I looked back and Tess was lying with her head on Coleen’s chest and her arms wrapped around her. Coleen had been lying like that with me this morning.
         “She’s pretty shaken. She hasn’t even come in to see her.” I said, turning towards the whiteboard that hung on the wall. Two hours ago it had writing on it about what nurses should give her if she were to wake. Now there were a blue smudge in the corner, hope that had failed.
         “I know I shouldn’t ask but…how?” Tess asked sitting up and touching Coleen’s hair.
         “She…overdose.” I choked out. Tess didn’t even flinch. She just studied her friends face and ignored the tears that poured down her face. She started sobbing and I went to her and wrapped my arms around her. I stared down at Coleen and cursed her. I hope you’re happy now. I thought and then wished I hadn’t.
         “It doesn’t make any sense.” Tess said pulling away from me.
         “What doesn’t make sense?”
         “She was so happy last night. We were talking about our Euro trip that we’re going to take in two months. We bought the tickets already. How could she have wanted to kill herself and we never noticed it?” She looked up at me with bloodshot hazel eyes and I shook my head.
         “It’s more common than we think.” I said with a shrug and Tess tensed.
         “No!” She shook her head and wiped her face. “No! She didn’t kill herself.”
         “Tess please.” I said grabbing her arm as she went to leave the room.
         “Let go of me Jack.” She snapped.
         “What are you going to do?”
         “This is not suicide. I would’ve noticed if my friend was suicidal.” She looked at Coleen’s body and shook her head. “This,” She pointed to her. This was murder.” She said and stormed out of the dark room. I turned back to Coleen’s body and sat in the chair beside the bed. I grabbed onto her hand and tried not to cringe at how it was losing heat already.
         I studied the curl of her eyelashes, the natural pout in her lip and shook my head. “Oh Leen…” I shook my head and kissed her hand. Murder brought hope; hope that she was still the girl that we all knew. Hope that there was a reason for this death. Hope that there was someone to blame. But I was too afraid to hope.

Gabrielle

         I sat in the waiting room with my head in my hands. I could hear my mother sobbing into my father’s chest and my grandparents questioning the doctors. I could hear the people pass by and knew they were staring. I could hear the nurse at the desk tell the others about us. How tragic, she said and actually had the nerve to tut. I could hear the monitors of other patients needing their bedpans changed. The doctors discussing their plans for the upcoming work party. I could hear everything, but I couldn’t see. I couldn’t see the stiff face on my father’s face as he tried to hide his grief. I couldn’t see the chest pain that my grandfather was having every time he talked. I couldn’t see the curious face of the five year old who sat three seats down from me and watched me as if I was a monkey at the zoo. I couldn’t see Tess as she stormed out of my sister’s room and demanded to speak to a police officer.
All I could see was her face; her pale face, frozen and terrified. Her arms twitched at her sides as the last of her life left her. She had blinked when I kneeled beside her bed. She hadn’t reached out to me, or tried to push the cup away. She just fucking blinked.
My stomach heaved and I stood up and raced to the nearest bathroom. I pushed open the peach stall and wretched over the toilet bowl. But nothing came out, there was nothing left.
         “Gabbie?” My grandmother’s soft voice came from behind me. She found the stall easily and knocked on the door. I opened it and she looked down at me. “Oh my poor girl.” She said bending down and wrapping her arms around my 14-year-old body. I rested my head against her soft chest and breathed the familiar smell of roses and Chanel No.5 perfume. As she stroked my red hair I sighed and felt like a child again. When she looked at me I saw the flicker of concern in her eyes when there were no tears on my face but she never commented on it. “Shall we go and see her now?” She asked. I thought about this and nodded.
She held out her hands and helped me up. I stuck my hands in the pockets of my jean shorts and followed her out of the bathroom. We were back in the hall and it was a completely different scene. There were two cops standing in front of her door. One, a woman was gently talking to my mother and writing on a notepad. The other, a man was standing talking to Tess and Jack. Nan raced to my mother’s side and offered any support she could. I stared at the empty door and didn’t have to think twice before I pushed it open and was swallowed up by the silent darkness.
It took my eyes a second to adjust. The sun was setting outside the window but the thick blinds were shut tight and a small sliver of light shone through. I sighed and leaned against the door and closed my eyes. I enjoyed the peace that this room held. Nothing could disturb it. Then I opened my eyes and spotted her.
My hands instantly turned to ice and I started to shake as if the room had dropped 50 degrees. One minute I was standing at the door and the next I was standing next to my sister and looking at her face. It was like I had floated. I picked up her pale hand, which was as cold as mine was and studied the medical alert bracelet that hung from her wrist. She was deathly allergic to peanut butter and it bugged the shit out of me because I was addicted to it. I would only be allowed to eat it when Coleen was away for a day or two, so that the oils would wash out of my skin and there would be no traces left in the house.
I sat on the edge of the bed and played with the silver chain. We had gone together to pick it out when her last one had broken. I had pointed one out with beads on it but she, like always turned it down.
         “I’m 26 Gabbie, not 16.” She said touching the plain silver ones. “I want it to look professional.”
         “Well at least have a cool design to the chain.” I said looking at the ones that looked like silver vines. I had pointed to the chain and asked the attendant to see it. Coleen touched it and ran her finger over the flower that was engraved onto the silver plate. She smiled at me and nodded.
         “Good pick sis.” She said and I grinned back. That day had been a big day in my life. She had taken me to he mall to get swimming suits last summer and in the middle of our shopping trip a sharp, hot pain coursed through my body. Coleen had taken me to a bathroom and given me a pad, giving me the same instructions my mom had when I was 10. When I walked out of the stall I was shaky and nauseous. She smirked and wrapped her arm around me. She gave me an extra strength advil, a bottle of dr. pepper, a huge fruit and nut candy bar and two cheesy magazines to read while I had a bubble bath. When I was done I came out of my parents master bathroom to find her watching Jail and waiting for me with a hot pizza and 2 L of coca cola.
         “No one eats healthy when they get their period.” She said and together we ate the entire pizza and laughed at our horrible impersonations of the convicts on tv. I sighed and shook my head and stared down my at sister.
         “I miss you already.” I said, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. “I wish this hadn’t happened.”
         “Some people think that it wasn’t supposed to happen.” A deep voice said from behind me. I closed my eyes tight and bit back the anger. He was disturbing the peace of the room. When I didn’t answer him he moved closer and sat in the chair at the side of the bed. “You’re Gabbie right?” I looked at the young man as if he was stupid. Of course I was Gabbie! “You’re mom said you’re going into highschool this September.” He said making small talk. “But I guess you don’t want to talk about that when schools just about to end.”
                   “I don’t want to talk at all.” I snapped and turned back to my sister.
                   “You loved her a lot, huh?” He asked and I bit my tongue so that my comments would go unheard.
                   “I love her a lot. She is my sister.” I said and stroked her hand.
                   “She was your sister.” He said and I snapped. I turned my cold grey eyes to him and snarled.
                   “You don’t have any sisters do you sir?”
                   “No.” He said startled.
                   “Brothers?”
                   “No.”
                   “Dogs?” He shook his head and I nodded. “Right so you don’t know love like ours. She IS my sister and she always will be!” His brown eyes studied mine. “If you did know love like ours you would understand that you are interrupting our time of grief and that any family should be entitled to time with their loved ones.” He sat in the chair and watched me and I lost it. “WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE!!” I screamed. He sat back and blinked at me. “GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!” I shrieked and he jumped out of the chair and raced from the room. I sat breathing heavily over my sister, begging the tears to come, but they never did. I did love her…I know I did. But I couldn’t help remembering that time…
It was before Christmas time and both Coleen and I were PMSing and bitching at each other every day. I had started dating this guy, Trevor and my parents hated him. He was older, 16, smoked and had tattoos. But at Christmas time Trevor and I had sex for the first time. And three weeks later I was late.
At 13 you don’t really think you could get pregnant, but let me tell you it happens! I remembered sneaking into the drug store and shoving the pregnancy test up my shirt. I raced home and locked myself in the bathroom for an hour. I did the test and waited the longest three minutes of my life. When the small pink cross appeared, I threw up. I did everything I could think of to get it out of me. I tried pushing it out, but nothing happened. I had the hottest bath in the world and even tried punching myself in the stomach. It wasn’t that I didn’t love the baby. Babies were the cutest thing on the planet. But I couldn’t even fathom the disappointment of my parents and my sister at the same time. I threw the stick in the garbage and made an appointment.
Two weeks later we were sitting at dinner and Coleen had been ignoring me for a week. Mom asked me about starting highschool, something about if I was excited to start highschool and Coleen snapped.
                   “Do you have something you want to share Gabrielle?” She spat and I blinked at her, my baby completely forgotten.
                   “Uh no.” I said staring at her curiously.
                   “Nothing you want to talk about that might impact the future?” as she said the word I knew that she knew. I blinked at her and knew my face went pale. I shook my head and she nodded.
                   “What is it Coleen?” Mother asked looking from her to me. “Gabbie?” She placed her fork down and studied my face.
                   “If you’re not going to say-“
                   “Don’t!” I said.          
                   “She’s pregnant mom.” She said, never breaking eye contact. I could feel the tension in the room rise within the second.
                   “I…Uh…What?” Dad said looking at Coleen.
                   “Yes daddy. You’re little girl is pregnant.”
                   “But you’re 13.” He said and Mom started crying.
                   “I’m not pregnant.” I said turning to my mom. I grabbed her hand and she shook her head. “I’m not Mom. I promise.”
                   “I found the test.” Coleen said and she tossed it onto the table. I blinked at it and froze. She had taken it from the garbage and kept it as evidence.
                   “I’m not pregnant.” I whispered.
                   “If you’re not pregnant than who’s test is this Gabrielle?” Dad shouted.
                   “You didn’t!” Coleen narrowed her eyes at me and she suddenly looked at me with a whole new light. I looked down at my lap and tears filled my eyes. “Ugh. I can’t sit at the same table as her.”
                   “Coleen, enough.” Dad said, completely missing the other conversation going on.
                   “I can’t sit at the same table as her dad. You wouldn’t sit down with Charles Manson for a meal would you?” She spat and I glared at her.
                   “That is totally different.” I said.
                   “How? He’s killed a person and you killed a person.” She said and marched away flashing the word life tattooed on her ankle.
We hadn’t been the same after that. Actually my life hadn’t been the same. It took my mother a week to have a conversation with me without bursting into tears and my father never talked to me anymore. Colleen had been furious with me, but she talked to me and accepted my apology. She comforted me when I cried about what I had done and tried to mend things with my parents. But our relationship was never the same.
         This morning the smile on her face had made me angry, sad, shocked…every emotion coursed through my body. She lay on the bed, looking as if she had just fallen asleep. Everything was perfect…just as planned. My hand started to throb and I sighed as I looked down at the red blisters on my palm. It was in the perfect parallel lines of her hair straightner. I clenched my hand and looked at my sister. I shook my head, turned and left the room, my stomach filled with guilt.