I Wonder if She Knows

Sometimes I wonder if she knows
if she sees past the simple relief and joy
of being home again
of being loved
into the pain and hurt and sadness that follows me elsewhere

I wonder if she sees past the dedication
into the desperation
of knowing this is all I have
the last thread holding on for dear life
clinging onto the one strand of warmth left

I wonder if she sees past the talent
that potential she feels I have
into the worry that it's not enough
that I'm not enough
that I'll never be

I wonder if she sees past the trust
the love I've come to feel
into the darkness
where I fear that I'll be thrown away
hurt again

I wonder if she sees past the girl I look like
loud but so quiet
into the world where I never feel strong
a world where I need her to hold me
I wonder if she knows