The Crypt - Home to Bad Zombie Poetry

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Zombie Equality Activist Ballade

Hello there, let us talk, my friend!
I recently had cause to groan
When I recognized a sad trend
Zombies are treated like a crone
Best avoided and left alone
This is something we should correct
Through a group which is not homegrown.
Back the Equality Project!

Constitution, we must amend,
to make sure zombie rights are known,
'Cause humans hate to the bitter end.
Our good qualities are unknown.
One, I know, plays a mean trombone.
They are there, just hard to detect,
Mostly 'cause our faults are overblown.
Back the Equality Project!

We, zombies, don't mean to offend,
eating brains or a meaty bone,
but our right to live, we defend.
To build a house made out of stone
To be employed and get a loan,
To cultivate a love prospect...
Might require some eau de cologne...
Back the Equality Project!

We, zombie, want something to own.
Mostly, we just want is some respect.
But, even if it is just a zone,
Back the Equality Project!

If this made you laugh or cringe in morbid delight,
please rate this low! but not out of spite
For Poetry Zombies want one star for our best work!
So give it here, and don't be a jerk
Written for "Poetry Zombies: Dawn of the Dreck!"  [18+].

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Zombies's Bête Noire Villanelle

All human brains do not sustain the same.
There are brains that make zombies quite queasy.
Some human brains make zombies go insane.

You might be confused. Here let me explain.
The most nutritious will have a degree.
All human brains do not sustain the same.

The well-read ones are the brains to attain,
Not the ones with muscles, brave and gutsy.
Some human brains make zombies go insane.

The bubble-popping blonds are all so plain,
Next to the power-packed brains of'a MD.
All human brains do not sustain the same.

Do your part to ensure zombies remain,
we need more smart brains, so no more TV!
Some human brains make zombies go insane.

We fear that soon all brain cells will be slain
That day all zombies shall become debris.
All human brains do not sustain the same.
Some human brains make zombies go insane.

If this made you laugh or cringe in morbid delight,
please rate this low! but not out of spite
For Poetry Zombies want one star for our best work!
So give it here, and don't be a jerk
Written for "Poetry Zombies: Dawn of the Dreck!"  [18+].

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Zombies + Movies = A Human Buffet

In movies, some people like action
Car cashes, they sometimes lose traction.
Then there are those who like drama
Like Oedipus, a son who slept with mama.

It is the chicks who like the romance
chemistry and tangos, it's all just a dance.
The comedies, they make people laugh
but usually the trailers have the best half.

The tough guys and thrill-seekers go for horror,
where the monsters always get the explorer.
Scholars are only interested in a documentary,
but for them, it should all be rudimentary.

But we zombies are easy to please,
For us, it is not about the sleaze.
All movies are fine,
in fact, they are divine.

A movie theater means,
Popcorn and big screens...
and old people and teens...
All packed in a room like sardines!

If this made you laugh or cringe in morbid delight,
please rate this low! but not out of spite
For Poetry Zombies want one star for our best work!
So give it here, and don't be a jerk
Written for "Poetry Zombies: Dawn of the Dreck!"  [18+].

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The Natural Zombie

Zombies and Nature
How are they compatible?
Well, the answer is...

Decomposition!
and that happens in nature.
nothing is safe from...

Decomposition,
and the nature of Zombies!
We will eat your brains.

Haiku Count: 3
If this made you laugh or cringe in morbid delight,
please rate this low! but not out of spite
For Poetry Zombies want one star for our best work!
So give it here, and don't be a jerk
Written for "Poetry Zombies: Dawn of the Dreck!"  [18+].

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Harry Potter & Zombies

Harry knew, ever since that day,
When Dumbledore had drank away
The charmed water in the cave,
That things would never be okay.

The headmaster's hand was black and blue,
Though his mettle was tried and true,
It was obvious to Harry Potter
that Dumbledore now wanted to chew.

The headmaster hid it well,
by avoiding students for a long spell.
Harry got mad, because he wanted to help
But then Dumbledore returned and fell,

Fell so far, from the tower so high,
He hit the ground and his limbs went awry.
We all cried and mourned for his loss,
But then he jumped up, awake and spry!

That was when it was clear to all,
That they had just witnessed a zombie fall.
And, though Dumbledore was still alive,
It was no time to hold a ball.

McGonagall spirited him away,
Before he could ruin the rest of the day.
Life returned to normal, or so most thought
But Harry knew better, they all were now prey.

So, even though Harry didn't want him to die,
There are worse things than having to say goodbye.
For, instead of fond memories of the great Dumbledore
We have a deadmaster who enjoys human stir fry!

Line Count: 28

If this made you laugh or cringe in morbid delight,
please rate this low! but not out of spite
For Poetry Zombies want one star for our best work!
So give it here, and don't be a jerk
Written for "Poetry Zombies: Dawn of the Dreck!"  [18+].

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A Zombies Favorite Things, not brains :o

Some may think that zombies are
Only interested in things bizarre

Like gooey brains
and human remains.

They'd be wrong!
We are fans of song!

What do I mean, you might demand?
I'll explain in a way you can understand

To us, those who grovel and whine
Ahh... the sound is so sublime.

People who scream for mercies,
hmm... it goes down just like Hershey's.

Then there are some who moan in pain,
it delights us like fine champagne.

When the children run and cry,
it's like eating mother's apple pie.

Seeing all the grown men weep and sob,
satisfies like seeing a star's bad nose job!

Causing the pious priests to curse and wail
fulfills my soul, like I'm holding the Holy Grail.

However, the sound more pleasing than the rest.
Is the all these together during a big zombiefest!

Line Count: 22

If this made you laugh or cringe in morbid delight,
please rate this low! but not out of spite
For Poetry Zombies want one star for our best work!
So give it here, and don't be a jerk
Written for "Poetry Zombies: Dawn of the Dreck!"  [18+].

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An Ode to Brains

Special thanks to PuppyTales (and Invalid Item ) for her instrumental inspiration for this piece.

Brains are pulchritudinous
and oh so delicious...
Not to mention, very nutritious!

I've been accused of being malicious,
but only to humans am I pernicious.
There is no more need to be fictitious.
We zombies are not factitious,
but our fates are very propitious!

Brains are pulchritudinous
and oh so delicious...
Not to mention, very nutritious!

I do not mean to appear repetitious,
Nor should my motives appear seditious.
However, I am very ambitious,
my search for brains is only judicious,
as my appetite is not capricious.

Brains are pulchritudinous
and oh so delicious...
Not to mention, very nutritious!

Only humans need be suspicious,
For zombies are not superstitious,
in our search of brain, we are expeditious,
and, quite often, we are vicious...
Ahh, today appears very auspicious.

Brains are pulchritudinous
and oh so delicious...
Not to mention, very nutritious!

If this made you laugh or cringe in morbid delight,
please rate this low! but not out of spite
For Poetry Zombies want one star for our best work!
So give it here, and don't be a jerk

Written in association with: "Poetry Zombies: Dawn of the Dreck!"  [18+].

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Rho'sþ

When the world of paranormal and the world of reality meet sparks fly, things explode and world-ending paradoxes ensue. As such it’s highly advisable to keep your paranormal and real lives separate... You know, like how husbands keep their lovers and wives separate? It’s just a really good idea. Do not use the same phone number, home and--especially!--do not use the same name. That said, I am called Rho'sþ or simply Rho's. Why? You might ask. A certain someone (of the male variety) called me “a delicate rose…”

So I stabbed him...

…and the name stuck.

I am a guide, a counselor and a bodyguard. My job is to protect those who are newly exposed to the things-that-go-bump-in-the-night until they are able to protect themselves. I don't always like my job....... Actually, I never like my job. I have to deal with whiny people crying "Why me?!" and "How is this possible?!" and "I want to go back to "before"!"

Well, so do I! because “before” I didn’t babysit whiny people… But do you see me standing around whining? No, you don't. You see me kicking butt and taking names--actually, I usually don't bother with the names... but I enjoy the euphemism. I work hard trying to keep my charges' brains safe, so they will have a chance to wrap them—you know, their brains—around this new reality and move on with their lives.

Do I always succeed?

No.

Do I ever fail on purpose?

…

Hint

ρ'sþ = Rho'sþ = Rho's Thorn= Rosethorn

Word Count: 250


If this made you laugh or cringe in morbid delight,
please rate this low! but not out of spite
For Poetry Zombies want one star for our best work!
So give it here, and don't be a jerk
Written for "Poetry Zombies: Dawn of the Dreck!"  [18+].

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Hand-some fellow - f4z

I saw you the other day, on the corner of Nineteenth and Broadway. You were sitting with a sign that said, “help me, or I will die”.

I didn’t help you… but I was pretty sure you were already dead...

I watched as you ogled my charge… He was the one in a blue jean jacket and he had kohled up eyes. He did not notice your putrid stench, or the string of dehydrated duodenum on which your sign was hung.

You reached out to grab his leg. No doubt it looked tasty... but I knocked your hand away. Literally. Don’t worry, I picked it up (with a pair a gloves... actually, this is a good illustration of why you should always carry gloves).

Funny, I don't think my charge noticed that either… I’m not holding out high hopes for him.

Anyways, if you want your hand back, meet me again on the corner of Nineteenth and Broadway. Come alone. Don’t bring your friends or, I swear, you will never see your fingers again.

Word Count: 174

If this made you laugh or cringe in morbid delight,
please rate this low! but not out of spite
For Poetry Zombies want one star for our best work!
So give it here, and don't be a jerk
Written for "Poetry Zombies: Dawn of the Dreck!"  [18+].