"The Decision"

I look at my Purple calendar on my purple bedroom wall and see that I turn 17 today. But just as try to smile I look at my stomach. My huge round ugly pregnant stomach, this thing has so many stretch marks I look like a map. Just as that thought leaves my mind the very worst pops right in to my mind. I’m going to have a baby and I don’t know if I want to keep it or not. There are so many reasons to keep it, but just as I finish thinking that I think but there are thousands of reasons to give it to a rich family. A family who, treats their child like royalty and by the time their seven they have the latest cell phone and laptop in hand. But I already love this baby so much just because it’s my own. I know I don’t have the best money in the world and I don’t know if I have enough to provide for the family that I would have. I want the best life for my baby, but I want to be the mom in her its life. I wish my dad were here we used to be so close and to not have him here when I need him the most kills me.  Well I can smell breakfast so I guess it’s time to go downstairs and eat.

“Good Morning sweet heart” Mom said while she flipped the enormous heart shaped pancake.

        “Morning mom” I said while wondering why she is putting so much effort into breakfast this morning “Everything looks so nice mom, what’s the occasion” I asked as if I cared.

“Well it’s your birthday and we haven’t really been speaking with each other so I figured we could talk over a lovely breakfast” Mom said as if she really wanted to catch up on the past 9 months.

“Oh okay sounds fun let me go and get changed I have a doctor appointment today,” I said just to see her reaction.

“Well maybe I could join you honey?” Mom said it seems like she really trying. I think I need to tell her that I’m almost positive about adoption.

“Mom I have to talk to you about my decision on keeping the baby or not” I finally spat out.

“Well of course honey what have you decided?” Mom asked in her get on with it so I can leave voice.

“I think I’m going to choose adoption, I mean I’m about 82 percent sure I want to give the baby up” I said choking back the tears.

“Well that isn’t something you can only be 82 percent sure about honey you have to be 100 percent sure or you will regret it for the rest of your life” Mom said pouring out tears.

Mom left the room; we didn’t even get to have breakfast together. It is always like this at home, she is always upset even before I got pregnant, and she started acting like this right when dad died. I think it affected her worst because she was the one driving the car that night. I don’t know what to do I need to get out of this house for a bit though before I go insane.



              Now what? I’m sitting in my car and don’t know where to go. I guess I could go to Luke’s. Yeah I’ll go to Luke’s. Now I’m sitting at his door step. I look at the blue door and almost want to just walk in, but another part of me wants to turn around and hope that no one saw me. Ever since we broke up 9 months ago it’s really hard to talk or even see him. But I have to fill him in on stuff that happens with the baby so today we’ll see if he takes me to the doctor.

“Zoey, what are you doing here?” he asks very confused.

“I have a doctor’s appointment, do you want to come?” I asked hoping he’d say no.

“Yeah that would be great.” He says way to excited for my taste.

We get into the car and it’s very awkward, I have nothing to say to him he got what he wanted and left me. I gave him something I can never have back and he just left me like it was nothing. I will never forgive him for that.

“So Zoey, how have you been?” he asks to break the awkward silence.

“Fine and you?” I ask to pretend I care.

“Not good at all I feel horrible for what I did to you” he says then takes a pause and starts back up again “Zoey I’m so sorry I really am you were the best thing I had and I can’t believe I let you go” he said trying to fight back the tears.

“Oh cut the crap Luke if I wasn’t pregnant you wouldn’t be talking to me at all” I said trying to get him to let it go.

“Zoey I love you and I hope you can forgive me” he stops then says “I’ll stop talking about it now” he finishes.

“Luke I understand your sorry and I’m glad you still care for me, but what you did is the lowest thing a person could do to another person and I don’t think I could ever forgive you for that” I say as I ball my eyes out.

After that was all silence and it drove me crazy.

We get to the doctors and sit in the waiting room there are pictures of babies and pregnant women everywhere the walls are yellow with rainbows and everybody is happy except me. All I can think about is Luke I mean I loved him so much we dated for 4 years I never thought that this would happen to us. The kind of love I had for Luke is the kind that never goes away.

            When the doctor calls me in I’m nervous. Luke comes in with me, I was kind of happy. We get all set up and then the doctor starts my sonogram. When the baby’s heartbeat started playing Luke’s face changed. It was like he was the happiest guy in the world. He seemed proud and excited. Then when we were done the doctor, Luke and I went the doctor’s office.

“Dr. Deroid is everything okay we never have meetings after the sonogram?” I asked nervously.

“Yes Zoey everything is fine we just need to discuss your decision” Dr. Deroid said very calm

“Oh right I’m almost positive I want to do adoption” I said with fear

“ADOPTION, there is now way in heaven or hell you’re giving up our baby Zoey” Luke said very angrily.

“Luke!! What is your problem?! I can’t keep this baby” I said while changing my mind.

“Zoey please listen to me. We can keep this baby my dad just gave me the shop I’m bringing in 1000 more than when we were dating, we can do this please Zoey I’m begging you don’t give up this baby please don’t”, Luke said crying very heavily.

“Okay Luke calm down I’ll think about it. I will consider it” I said trying to calm him down.

“Thank you Dr. Deroid I’ll call you tomorrow and let you know of our decision” I said very calmly.

We get into the car and I don’t know what to say.

“Zoey I want you to know that we can keep this baby I will be a good boyfriend and father I promise” Luke said very sweet and calm.

“Luke I know you will but you have to think about how this will affect us, we can’t go to college if we keep this baby” I said crying

“Zoey this is my baby too and I want to keep her so please let me keep her” Luke said crying

  When he dropped me off I went in my room to think and to take a nap because I was exhausted. Suddenly, as I get to my bed something inside of me popped and I now I’m leaking. The best part of this whole thing is, nobody is home and Luke just left. So now I need to find my phone and call Luke and tell him to turn his butt around and get over here. I find the beat up phone in my pocket from yesterday. I find Luke’s name in my contacts and press send.

    “Hello?!” Luke said a little too excited.

      “Hey Luke it’s time you need to come back I think am in labor!” I said screaming at the top of my lungs.

“Oh my goodness, okay I’m on my way Zoey hang in there” Luke said freaking out at this point

“Okay Luke but hurry I don’t think I can ‘hang in there’ much longer” I said freaking out.

    Luke came to the door and knocked. Which I thought was kind of dumb considering I wasn’t able to come down and answer the door. When he came upstairs I was laying on the floor by the suitcase that my mom and I had packed for this day. I was in so much pain my whole body felt like it was going to explode. I didn’t think  I was going to make it all the way to the hospital. Luke took my suit case and ran to the car then came back and picked me up and carried me to the car. We zoomed to the hospital and right when we got there and Dr. Deroid came over the first question that was asked was:

“Zoey what is your decision you have to tell me now it can’t wait any longer” Dr. Deroid said with anger and worry written all over his face.

And before I could even think Luke and I said the same exact thing at the same exact time.

         “We’re keeping her”. We both said and then looked at each other and smiled. When it was time to go in Luke kissed me and went into the waiting room. Luke can’t deal with blood around him so I knew he wouldn’t be in there with me. I was okay though. It really didn’t matter though this baby girl was coming whether I was ready or not.

24 hours later:

             It was the longest, most painful 24 hours of my life. But it was worth it. My baby girl was born March 10th 2011 at 1:30 AM. Luke and I decided to keep her and name her Elizabeth Marie Kali, she is the most beautiful person in the world and she is all mine. I have no idea how we are going to make it through but I know we will. So now I get to go home with my amazing daughter and her learning, maturing, loving father. This is not how I planned life at all if Luke and I could have waited 10 years this would be perfect, but we didn’t and we have to face the consequences. I love my daughter very much so I’m going to keep her but this is not the life I thought I would have at seventeen believe me. Life isn’t perfect but sometime our mistakes make beautiful things.

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