"If Only"

“If Only”

I am a pretty average twenty-seven year old. Only I have a tragedy that happened ten years ago that scarred me for life. I can remember it like it was yesterday, November 7, 2001. I was seventeen, a senior in high school and Mia was my best friend. She was also a senior, but 18 at the time. I always went to Mia for everything. When I was little my father died, so it is just me and my mom. I never really saw her though because she was always working. It is impossible to separate Mia and me. We knew everything about each other. We were like sisters more than best friends. The night it happened could have just been any other night for Mia and me but it wasn’t. There was a big party going on that night for seniors. Mia wanted to go badly, but her mom feared there would be drinking and told her she wasn’t allowed to go. Mia was furious with her mother. She had it in her mind that she was going and that was that. Let me just say it was not the night that Mia planned.

It was about nine o’clock when Mia pulled into my drive way and told me to get into the car. I asked where we were going. She said “Samantha, just get into the car”. I got in the car thinking we were going to have our own little party. That was not the case! Mia and I were on our way to that party! I said everything I could think to talk her out of it. “Pizza sounds good” she replied “I bet there will be pizza at the party”. After endless excuses she finally yelled, “Samantha we are going to that party and we are going to have fun!” I didn’t speak for the rest of the ride.

When we finally got to the party Mia’s moms fears were true. It was about 10 o’clock. It was at a house near the water. It had been covered in toilet paper and shaving cream. When you walked in all you smelled was cigarette smoke and beer. It was a crazy party! I, one last time, told Mia we shouldn’t be here. She then said, “Sam, have fun! We are seniors. This kind of stuff does not get to happen after you graduate. We get to be seniors once. After that we have to get ready for where life is going to take us.” Mia and I were always the ones being serious and focusing on school. We never just had fun. So when she said that it really made me think. I really did need to have fun and embrace my senior year. I told her, “You are right! Let’s have some fun.”
I had never had so much fun in my life! There was dancing, karaoke, board games, and all those stupid little games teens play like truth and dare. We did it all. There where seniors from all kinds of schools. It was so nice to meet other seniors going through what we were going through. The only thing different from everyone that Mia and I talked to was that they kept drinking and drinking when we did not touch any. At one point I was pretty tempted, but Mia stopped me, which I am still glad of till this day. It was really late and all Mia and I saw was drinking, but we stayed away from it. It was about 2am when Mia and I left. People were starting to pass out from getting so drunk and we didn’t want to be part of that!
The ride home was all talk about the party. “Did you see Madeline sing?”
“She was so drunk!”

Mia and I never had so much fun just talking. Life was good, actually it was great! We were only about two streets away from my house. We never expected what was going to happen next.

It happened all too fast. The other persons head lights were all we saw. We had been hit by another car. I heard a deafening crash noise and felt a terrific jolt. Glass flew everywhere. My whole body seemed to be turning inside out. I heard myself scream. The impact was really hard, but the out came after was worst. I was able to move and get out of the car. The first thing I did of course was call 911. Mia was trapped in the car. I look through the window and saw she was wedged in the car. I couldn’t believe what I saw. She was knocked out and I could not tell if she was breathing or not. Her ankle looked smashed. I started to panic. I can’t lose my best friend. There was a lot going through my head at this point in time. What about her parents? They have no clue where she has been and I will have to tell them. What about my mom? She will probably blame me for everything. She is my best friend and I can’t lose her.

It was around fifteen minutes before I heard the sirens. There were cops, fire trucks, and ambulances. By this time I was on the road just crying. I figured Mia would be dead by now if she hadn’t been breathing. They broke of the door of the car and found out Mia was breathing and that she was not dead. That was the best moment of my life I started to cry of joy. She was rushed to the hospital since she was passed out. Then all of the sudden everything I knew, that happy feeling I had changed in just a second.

There was another car in the accident. This whole time I only cared about Mia. I never checked the other car. The idea never popped into my head. My friend Jake White was in that car. He was at the same party we were at. He had been drinking that night. He died of sudden impact when the cars hit. I could not believe what I saw. Jake and I have been close friends since preschool. I didn’t even know he was at the party. It was really hard on me and I didn’t want to leave his side. I had to go to the hospital to make sure I was fine but there was no way I was leaving Jake. They actually had to force me to go. The whole way there all I did was cry. They put me on some medication so I could sleep.

I didn’t see Mia until the next day. No one had told her what was happened yet. I knew it would be very hard on Mia too. She knew how good friends me and Jake where. We both were released the next day and when Mia found out about Jake she couldn’t believe it. She blamed herself for everything. If she would have just listened to her mother none of this would have ever happened. I was really angry with Mia for the longest amount of time. If she would have just listened to her mother none of this would have happened. My friend Jake would still be alive and all of us could hang out like old times. At the same time I was mad with myself. If only I would have stopped her. If only we would have ditched the party and gone and got pizza like I suggested. The words if only kept going through my head. I realized that was not helping anything. It was making it worse.

The only good thing was Mia and I were ok. Mia ankle was broken and we both had some bruises, but that is it. That is all we had. Someone died and that was all that had happened to us. We were doing the right thing when we didn’t drink. It was not our fault when Jake chose to drink. He was going through a rough time with his parents getting a divorce. I have a feeling still to this day that was why he ended up drinking. He was a straight A student and was given a full scholarship to his choice of college. He had everything going for him. We had to remind ourselves that we were not the ones that killed him. He made that bad decision. He was an underage drinker who got in the car. He could have killed us with himself. We were very lucky to be alive and we had to enhance that. When Mia and I came to this conclusion we felt a little better about the whole thing, but then again we still felt horrible. Mia took it hard because she could have listened to her parents and none of this would have happened. Mia and I had to go on living our lives, but everyday all we both think about is if only then maybe Jake would still be alive.