Zombie Chow

Word Count: Something under 500

'So. Whose idea was it again to enter the really creepy house?'

'Not mine.'

'Oh, come on now. It was totally your fault.'

'Let's see. You were like; "Ooooh! A house! In the woods at Halloween! You're going in right? I'm coming with you!" So my ass it was.'

'You could have stopped me though! What kind of responsible friend are you if you let me drag us off into certain death?'

'Because at the time, we didn't know this was going to cause certain death.'

'Duh. Everyone knows it's a stupid idea to go into an abandoned house at Halloween. All the movies say so.'

'Do they they mention that when entering a creepy house, we get captured by ghouls, and tied up in the basement?'

'Uh...''

'What about the ghouls saying afterwards in a really scary voice; "Your brains will be chewed upon by our zoooooombies. But first, we must walk them. Sit tight".'

'I think I watched one like that once-'

'-Hell, one even wore a little collar labelled, "Fido". Do people call their zombies "Fido"? 'Cause I'm pretty sure I've never seen a movie like that. Ever.'

'It really had the name "Fido?"'

'Yup.'

'Wow. Anyway. Why is it that zombies eat us? I don't get it. There's like, loads of alternative ways of eating. They have like quorn to replace meat and stuff. Maybe they could make quorn people or something. Digest some protein-y goodness?'

'Maybe. Could we stop with the eating talk? I kind of want to cherish every last moment I have without thinking about food. Or being food.'

'Can't help it. Sorta scared here and I get all babbly and stuff. Might start breathing like a fish too.'

'Don't fish out on me and don't mention food.'

''Kay. Tell me we're going to be alright. We'll be alright?'

'We'll be alright.'

'You were totally lying.'

'Yeah. Feel better?'

'Nah. Think my sorta scared just turned into little wriggly snakes in my stomach.'

'Wriggly snakes, eh? Think I've got goddamn zombies. And... not a reference to food.'

'Of coooooourse not.'

'Just sayin'. And...oh.'

'Did you hear that?'

'Mmm.'

'Sounded like a lock. A key in a lock. You think they're back? Please tell me they're not back.'

'They're not back.'

'They're so totally back.'

'Probably.'

'Oh god. Oh freekin' hell. I'm eighteen and I'm about to become zombie chow. To a zombie named Fido! What the hell!'

'Hey. Zombie chow here too.'

'True. That makes me feel so much better. Maybe I get to watch them eat you first.'

'Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you.'

'Yeah!'

'Screw you, bitch.'

'Love you too.'

'Heh.'

'Heh, yourself. See you on the other side, then?'

'You bet.'