Perspectives Of A Rambling Madman

OCTOBER 10, 2011



Understanding? I learned something about understanding these past few months... something I have known and put aside as if there is more... me continuing to think we are more then what we give ourselves credit for. So many of us want to be understood and yet we seem to place little time in to the ways of understanding. Like most things we wish to get, we must also learn to give. I understand we need to sacrifice things that we find hard to let go of... I understand that it can be for the better good of the I in us. I understand how easy it is to judge and find fault to better be at ease with ourselves... our wrongs or wrong doings. As much as we may want others to understand us we must learn to understand ourselves. I loved someone yesterday and even as my breath escapes my lips... love her still... but I also understood the fact that I had to let go for the sake of them and me. I understand that I can't be sucked into a pattern that continues and will never be broken because of a man and men like me. Though I realize that because no matter my confusion at times with me... with life and with people... I still have a deeper understanding of it all. I am not a fool though being a fool was never necessarily a bad thing. A fool held the kings ear and through laughter could be a master mind in the art of manipulation... getting things accomplished through the powers of another without standing in the lime light... outside of being seen as a fool. Still I am not that other fool... I once was... but my understanding for pain self inflicted or by another, and loss through love and deception... have brought wisdom into my mind as it does each day of life... even when something feels so right yet hurts so bad. I understand that this earth provides us with our true necessities from food... shelter.... and the art in life itself... the deeper understanding for life is right in front of us and yet we wish to run through life as if we can eat money for nutritional substance... forgetting what money understands... nothing. It has done little in the way of truly helping and more in the way of war... starving... destroying.... and tearing the very fabric of the things we once held dear... apart... and in the end its nothing more then art on paper.... someones creation. I realize that most could not imagine a life lived like our ancestor once did. I understand that to many are lost to today's materialism and cyber ways as well as the greed for more green... and not by means of green living... or trees dancing with wild life below them... within the ground foliage. How many of us really stop to take time watching squirrels play catch and kiss with in and beneath the trees these days? A hard treat to indulge in when we worry about making the bills... driving this way and that.. tending to a screaming child... as dinner is cooking and all while trying to be understood. We neglect us and the understanding for the me as in I as in self. Children beating fathers on video games at four years old... yes its true I just witnessed it last night. Court more concerned with money then the actual bonding of a parent with child. I understand more then I could bare to write... in you.. my friend. The fear I have is that we are on a road of life as people that comes with built in blinders... and many would rather the blinders and false acceptance then deal with realities... would rather continue while knowing things are wrong... our way is far from civil but we stand to trudge forward without standing up or speaking out. Those who try to make a stand are typically laughed at or run through the judger and picked apart for their histories that brought them to these understandings and deeper appreciation. I understand that many in time may come to read this and say I am crazy, I am foolish, the old way is dead, or life is this way now. Though many forget and I understand that it all can be taken away within the bat of an eye.... that the old way will forever be there it just takes the earth to purge herself clean and start fresh with a blank canvas. So what do you understand about you ... about life... about the things we grip in life... for dear life? To understand we must feel... and start by feeling what we hide with in ourselves... yes I understand the burden that can bring on the self through self affliction and even my lack of understanding stands true day by day... But I understand I am meant to see with eyes others can only borrow through my words unless you are cursed with my gifts... yes its a curse and a gift I understand that and continue to learn each day through my understandings. Do you feel lost... do you find yourself alone at night even in company? Ask yourself as I do... what do I understand about me... about life... while knowing that we can only understand so much and much of understanding comes in our way of living... our choices as individuals... because when we understand more of ourselves then we can understand others better and be better understood. I do understand I have to let go of a lot even if it hurts... only because I better understand me.