Old Thoughts

Mellissa's Writing



I hate to say it, but I've seen this type of thing before

Look at the years we wasted

I realized this isn't the life for me

I learned when to hold my tongue

Through all this shit, I finally got to a whole 'nother level

Never could understand the cause

I was the one to pull the shortest straw

Even had some trouble with the law

Couldn't live this type of life anymore

Livin' life a lot better

I Count every blessing while I can

I've been through this type of thing before



As long as I have you I don't need anybody else



I'm so bored with my life right now and so fucking lost in my head

I'm hella lonely, too

I feel so fucking alone



You were always there whenever I was going through all sorts of changes



I would take the pain again



If I get it out on paper it's not in my head



Scattered thoughts and memories are all I have left

The memories aren't good;  I try not to recall those

Thoughts are my essential life-flow

How it stings when they are sliced with the sword of disreguard



Once a child is born, their spirit will live on forever

Somewhere



I believe in truth more than jail



October 17th, 2006

Can't move forward, can't go back



I couldn't see how every sign led me to you



I wish I could replace all the years I've wasted

I'm sorry for the tears and all the pain



Now and again, I have to start from scratch



There's more to life than laughter



Nevermind the pain you put me through



Every little thing you say



October 23rd, 2006

         Don't give up

Don't let go of your dreams

Life is never as bad as it seems

Don't be afraid of what's new and strange

Don't worry about what you can't change

Don't lose faith in better days ahead

Dwell on thoughts of hope and joy, instead

Romances may fail and fortunes fall

But courageous hearts survive them all

Raise high your spirits and face your fears

Bury your sorrows, and dry your tears

Storms never last, and after the rain sunshine and rainbows comfort the pain

If you keep trying you can make it

And though times are tough, you can take it

When you're falling down, depressed and blue

Remember that I believe in you



October 25th, 2006

I try to maintain a focused mind

I'd like to see you deal with this



If I stand and let them talk shit, respect will never be gained



I know that life is painful  but it's level of pleasure doesn't measure the same



The journey's been strange, but I'm thankful it didn't turn me insane



The reality of my mentality is what makes me sometimes so real



February 5th, 2007, Wednesday

Talk to me about simple things



Every now and then I'm not afraid to die



We live our lives haunted by all the things we should have done



Who can you trust in the end



Feels like yesterday I saw your face

All I did was make one mistake

I've been alone for way too long

It's a long, long way to fall

Some days I just want to hide



You can love someone with all your heart, for all the right reasons

and in a moment they could still just walk away

Do it anyway



So what if right now everything's wrong?

I'm too old for Re-Do's



I want to look into your eyes one more time, and see you looking back



March 3rd, 2007

         ANTHONY'S PAGE

Impossible circumstances bound us together eternally

The absence of the foundation which had created us did not break, destroy, or even weaken our bond!

This void in us simply got filled with our own unique creation of strength

Totally invulnerable to the influence of anyone outside the relationship we made

         This relationship is Love

Never will that change

No matter what, I'm only interested in our well-being and doing what I can to ensure that events in your life that I am a part of, turn out to be in the best interests of you

         I don't want to hurt you and don't want to be hurt by you

I am always here for you, anytime

Remember that

Sincerely,

      Anthony Molaski  -  030307



                   The Legal A.K.A. Drunken, Stumbling Anthony Day

So, they gave me A Holiday especially to be belligerant, undoubtedly drunk, and generally incoherent on all levels of the five senses

  Having contained a religious foundation, it also cheerfully shoves me forward onto the stage of unwarranted, and excessive amounts of bigotry

  Also, orange is the color the Protostant church wears

Fuck



May 2007

They told us we had committed a haneous sort of crime

We were tackled, booked, shackled and sentenced to some time



Sometimes it may seem like you are being spread apart all over the place and there is nothing that you can do about it because it's not even happening in reality

What the fuck

You know how confusing that is

Really that's okay, we'll succeed

Never bleed to cautious cause

I'm cursed

Only God could budge me

Seen too many brothers and siters fall down and die bloody or naturally

"Please help me!" We scream out

A few years before now I started feeling

He's thrown bitches to the pavement talkin' shit like a bitch would

I'll beat you up with my forty



My mind can't even picture the stuf that I've had to figure

Always got to be strapped cause we're trapped

Buggin' with this shit

Lucky to be here in the first place

My clip is in the chamber

Danger

Double insane up in your face

Now you're on the ground still poppin'

And I can't stop reminissin'



Kick back, relax and listen

Can you fucking hear me?

Read my lips, bitch

You better understand my fucking theory, clearly, when you're near me

You better fear me

It's fuckin' scary hearing me blare my own and in your stereo barely



They think that I'm crazy; that I've lost my mind

These days it's hard for me to find peace of mind

Between sanity and insanity, there is a fine line

When you're in your mind wastin' your time livin' a lie, there's nothing to do

I don't care what they think because the decision is mine

MotherFuckers have not a clue

There's heart in all that you do



Regresion and depression got me

Mostly, the guilt and regret got to me

Started killing me



August 2nd, 2007, Thursday

These ocassional lapses bothered me and I stayed up late

Night after night, pondering probable causes and possible solutions...

I would get so frightened over nothing

Terrified that something horrible was about to happen

Sorry I made you wait

Honest, here...I'll slash my wrists

Tired of waiting for calamities

Of having no control over anything - Over myself

I'm tired of feeling guilty every moment that I breathe

Knowing why I feel rotten isn't too terribly terrific as long as I'm sititng here

Still too depressed to move

Under your hurt and frustration, you loved me with a single-minded, almost archaic devotion

Ihaven't got any auditory hallucinations

Not even a disorientation

I see colors

And planes

And, unfortunately, I'm reality-based

I just cry a lot and try to kill myself

I'm not positive I wanted to kill myself

I just didn't know what else to do



I'm devoting my life to being a psychiatric patient

Somewhere deep, down inside there's a "Me" who could have been



You are my someone

Someone who knows I am alive and is happy I am there

Someone who needs me to be there

To talk and to listen

To share and to laugh with

To make plans and to be crazy with

Someone who understands how I feel and thinks that how I feel is important

More important than what the world thinks of you for wanting to be with me

Someone who respects the person that I am and the person that I want to be

Someone who encourages me to be the best that I can be

Even if it means that I might have to change

Someone who isn't afraid to be close

I've never been able to tell anyone the way it is for me...

About the anguish I've felt and the horrible way I've behaved

I'm so damn tired

So sick and tired of pretending

I was mildly depressed

Tried suicide

Alienated friends and family

Acted like a nut

Put a dent in my head, and sometimes I'm a little irritable

Now that I'm cured, there's just one thing that I'd like to know...

What was I cured of?









August 20th, 2007

Being alive is another thing I'm working on



August 22nd, 2007

As I was told, as I got older, I understood things I never really had before

And as much as I dislike admitting it at times, I was wrong

A LOT

And things and people really were all about everything I never thought they were

Everything I was told ended up to be right

I never thought it was all untrue...but mostly I thought that not everyone, everything and every place was like that



There are only so many chances and so many "turns" before you either win or lose



There aren't a lot of things that anyone could do to make me crazy anymore

I wish there were

That would just mean I hadn't gotten so fucking twisted

Incompassionate

My apologies to my past, niave, inocent self

Sincerely, Me...You



I really miss you

There are few solid memories I don't want to lose

I never get to say good-bye

Tired of this emptiness

You were my homie, you were supposed to get older with me

I've decided to treat you right, I've decided to give you a reason to trust me



Stupidity should be painful



Judge a man by his questions, not his answers



When everyone loves you that's when you hate yourself the most



Why does pride make a person run and hide



I don't even know what to think of myself

I'm curious as to what other people might think of me





October 27th, 2007

Years seem to hold no end, when you're there

And when you're done, you finally realize that you'd give almost anything to get back to that time,a nd never have to grow up again



There's not a lot of love left anywhere, anymore

But when you find it, and it's not exactly what you pictured

When you run from it, it will kill you



Looking back (which is something I've been doing ever since I fucked myself of, years ago)

I have many, too many memories

Too many stories to count

Far too high a number of regrets

Too many tears, and "I'm sorries"

Enough to bury a nation

With all the time I've spent "Looking back" I could have fixed myself

Choices

Decisions

Minute by minute, and day by day



The Keys of Hell and Death

January 28th, 2008

Each soul's torment is his own

Individually, it is based on the very compassions by which we construct our lives

Eacho soul's anguish is knowing the right things we did wrong

The truest pain of a soul is his own self, abused from within itself

The greatest of all, is his own self-destruction

A song sung in hum-drum

In one monotone voice

The title of the song is sung

A death to us all

Mine, most of all

Sticks are for breaking bones

Stones are for grinding bones

The bones are used for the sands of time

Groans are the tones used by the words of their song

Continually they sing as they break and grind themselves into nothingness

Only then, does the song send for them

The gnawing of teeth is chewing thine own tongue

The thrashing of teeth, chewing one's head off

The slashing of teeth gouging of eyes



I've seen this movie before, so I do not want to have to sit in that dark theatre, in silence, and see it again

It wasn't any good the first time, so I know it will never change

And by the way, I want my money back

Fuck it

Keep the money and let me out of this theatre where this stupid movie is stuck on repeat and I am strapped to the chair

I want to go home alone and watch one of my own movies that I've seen millions of times, and not ever go back to that "theatre" again!



I'm suddenly hopeful when you're in sight

I talk about you all day, and whisper your name at night

Whatever you need;

What I would give if you asked of me, to just make you feel complete



There's always a period of re-construction



You couldn't understand unless we traded spaces



Shit's even worse, if you speak first



I would rather rip out my brain-stem and jump rope with it, to the nearest intersection and lie under a ten-ton truck



October 17th, 2008

Love what you have and remember what you had



Dealing with Jail shit

Wondering how a simple situation turned into a 72 hour investigation



I just walked in and you were gone

It looks likee you won't be back



November 18th, 2008

Drifting isn't the hardest thing to do

Sometimes it may be voluntary

Often, it may be that slight tug in your heart, blinding you from that which you once saw

Hands, condemned and determined to rip me from happiness and contentment to only sadistically play my heart into the confused, disoriented corner of my mind.

         Like I said, drifting isn't the hardest thing to do...One thing that my tortured years, (spent oddly trapped in my loneliness) has proven true and fast-steady...

         The hardest thing to do, is the right thing to do.

Irony -  Your heart blinds you from the truth you so consistantly strive to reach



January 7th, 2009

I'm too close to see you

Too far to touch, and too many times I've not done enough

Too strong to hurt yoiu, too weak to crush you

Tell me, what am I supposed to do

I'm too scared to choose, scared to lose

Tell me, what am I supposed to do

I'm too wrong to free you, too right to judge, and too many times I've not done enough

At night I walk alone, no matter where I've been

At night I walk alone, no matter where I'm going



February 8th, 2009

Sitting in my room, on my bed

Alone, again

Jeff is out in the living room playing the PS2 - Some hunting game

He's been playing that fucking game since TUESDAY

Pretty much literally non-stop

He stopped long enough to:

1) Yesterday, I was pretty buzzed (alcohol) and pretty much had to molest him (while he was still playing that fucking game - eventually got him to stop)

We fucked, and I passed out

I woke up and he was STILL playing that FUCKING game

2) To tweak on something

3)To show his "friends" something he tweaked on!

Yeah...I'm fucking sick of it...

Again



February 24th, 2009

Let me in your world so I can show you my love is real



March 11th, 2009

The people who've been surrounding me are way too shady



I don't need you to be by my side

I have to move on and leave you behind

I keep coming back for more

I learn everytime I bleed

No need to worry about everything I've done

I'm sick of playing all these games

Stop

Admit that I'm wrong, and change my mind

Sometimes you just feel tired

You feel weak



March 14th, 2009

You didn't love me like I loved you

That's okay

I'm leaving you, anyway



They ain't keepin' it real like the shit that they talkin'



March 17th, 2009

Love is fading from all that we are

Can we see beyond the scars and make it through the dark



April 6th, 2009

The next thing you know, there's no truth left at all

If it's not "this", it's "that"

Lost the ability to think clearly

Ties it up, tucks it in, pulls it back and fucks her off again

You're wrecking your mind by killing the time that kills you

You can't blame the time because it's only in your mind



I'm so tired of trying

No one likes to be let down

I know when he says he just might try, it slips through the cracks with all the other lies

It seems to me that maybe you always mean no, so don't tell me you care when you don't

Please pass me by

Everything you do proves you do everything you do for only you



I've grown to hate you for what little I had left that you've stolen out of me

I know I'll never get myself back from you, but I'd at least like to give you back yourself so I don't have to have any part of it anymore



The innocence of startled children cries out to me as I stare at the ar-lit sky

Lives foolishly left behind on the counter at the local store



How many threads of pain and rage, strung through the needle of love and trust must pierce my heart before each hole merges and my heart dissipates



I know it eats you up inside

I know you like what's on my mind



I'm still trying to get over the fact that you're gone

Left my life empty

Erupted, and I have "them" to blame

I'm hating what was taken from me

I never meant to hurt you





Thoughts of you and how you changed me



I was giving more than I should have



You never stopped to think of me



Trying to make this love into something better, but I can't make it through all the things you do



You loved me, even when I pushed you away



You carried me when I was too weak to walk



When you left, I lost a part of me



I can't sleep at night



Faithful and true; That's what we've always been together



You made me stronger, through your love and your life



Someday we will find another love that is fulfilling



I don't want to be just another that makes you cry, and tells you lies



All I think about is you, and all I speak about is you



I'm trying to keep it together, but I'm falling apart



Do you dream like I dream because all I dream of is being with you; I can't wait to wake up next to my dream come true



I'll never find anyone as sweet as you



I can't believe that you've got me acting like this



I can't give you what you want, and it's killing me



It's never enough to say "I'm sorry"...It's never enough



January 7th, 2009

I'm kinda numb, but so distorted

You left me here with the damage you've caused

I feel so alone

I haven't been here long enough to know

Everytime I feel this, I lose control



I force myself through another day

Can't explain the way that everything just fell apart

Because of you I"ve had to walk away from everything

I'm afraid to be alone

Afraid you'll leaev me when I'm gone

Afraid to come back home

Another sleeples night...again

I try so hard to be everything that I should be

I should never take away from you again



My life changed because my decisions changed

Sounds, cliche, I already know

Sounds loike the shit the people who have never really been through any real shit would say to you



I can change my life and myself as much as humanly possible and I would have a hell of a lot to be proud of, and a hell of a lot of respect for myself

But you know one thing that will never change, and that I will never have any respect and pride...and peace about...?

Certain things that I've done and more specifically the couple of "bigger" fuck-ups in my life



Sometimes you "Steal" My shit

1) Pictures

2) Things I write

3) Needle-nose Pliers

4) Tweezers

5) Pens/Pencils

6) Screwdrivers

7) Phone #'s written on papers

8) A book

9) T-Shirts

10) Socks

11) Shorts

12) Brown hoodie (Robby gave me)

13) A "Thing" I put up in the closet in the middle of a stack of folded pants

14) Cigarettes

15) Green things

15) White sparkly things

16) Batteries

19) DVDs

20) Tacks/Nails

21) Tape (electrical, duct, and scotch FUCKING TAPE!)

22) Rolls of 35mm Film (empty, and full)\

23) 35mm Camera YOU GAVE ME!

24) Little green compartment box

25) Little clear compartment box

26) Lighters

27) Flashlights/Laser light things

28) Phone chargers

29) Power cords, random wires/cords

30) Little knife my aunt gave me (many times)

31) Paper clips/Safety pins

32) Rope

33) Glue - All kinds

34) CDs (even girlie stupid one's, and one's you gave me!)

35) CD player

36) House keys

37) EBT Card

38) Cologne

39) Deodorant

40) Razors

41) Pipes

42) DVD Player



There's gonna be some stuff you see that's gonna break your heart



The door is locked, but it's open



I'm so lonely

You're so pitiful



Who gives a fuck if you bitches are mad at me



It hurts to live life on your knees



It was a happy day, but kinda sad



What my eyes see, my mind thinks my hands should hold



The outcome of these actions caused my heart to turn cold



There's always something there to remind me of you

I hate it, because I hate you



The more I see, the less I know

The more I grow, the less I hold onto



Kind of tragic

Kind of Insecure

But I know that I'm the only one that can fix what is wrong



Look at me

I'm sorry I'm so pathetic

I can't believe I'm just an addict

I never needed anyone to help me



All the promises you've made to me are broken



I'm begging you, please

Save me from myself



February 24th, 2009

Let me in your world so I can show you my love is real



I cling to things I've lost



I wish I could get the pain out of my head

I wish we could hold hands and that every so often you would chose to do the right thing

I wish it were easier on me to keep you in my head



Gotta fight the pain in me

The fear and constant calling

Voices saying "Come with me.  Grab your shit and ride with me"

Stressin' in my mind everytime the thought of you crosses it



May 24th, 2009

The days seem uniformed

What if I were dead...? 

An enemy bullet in my head



February 28th, 2008

  For a large part of my life there have been many things that I've missed.  Too many things that I"ve come to regret, and a few things that I've completely fucked up.

  There are things that I've thrown away, that I never should have broken in the first place.

Wait...

         Don't let me cover the truth with misguided words, so here's what I should have said;

There are people and there were a lot of love that I've thrown away, and that I never should have broken in the first place.  And, believe me, once the trash has been burned and discarded, sifting through the soot and rubble only leaves you haveing to scrub away the most nasty memories.  And, the flecks and regrets of your ignorance and clouded decisions...which, believe me, will absolutely never happen.



Amnesia is something that I've genuinely wished upon myself for most of my "adult" life (w/out the brain damage!)

Does that sound bad or foolish at all?  Well, if it does, you are welcome to spend twenty-four hours inside my mind, my head, my heart

No offense, but it would tear you apart



You will never know when it's your time to go

"Let it go"...why'd you have to go?



I never meant to be so bad to you



Remember how we used to cherish our time



Incidents arose from circumstance



May 25th, 2008

Because of you, I laugh a little harder, cry a lot less, and smile a lot more



"What goes, 'Na-fa-fo, na-fa-fo-fo"?

A black guy trying to give you his phone # - (954-9544)



1 Jar of Vaseline: $3.00

1 Box of Trojans: $12.00

Gay Porn DVDs: $30.00

Making your parents thing your brother's gay: Priceless



Should have known better than to be out here fuckin' with you, with all the shit you do



I need a ride or die nigga who can get dirty while he's lovin' me up



There's nothing that can replace the person that you used to be, but didn't think was good enough

When you changed, you threw that away

In the end, all you really want is to be is who you started out to be

But to keep the knowledge collected

Doesn't work like that

Even if you could go back, you'd fuck it up all over again without the wisdom you collected throughout those fucked off years

With wisdom comes theft of innocence, and loss of your true core

Lame



December 17th, 2008

The truth is not in your eyes

It's hanging on your tongue



I'll figure you out someday



I've been here a few years

I used to know your soul



Do you see what we've done to ourselves



August 30th, 2009

Roger

You would have been 28

I miss you a lot

You're always there, in the middle of my mind

I have letters you wrote me, still

I read them every once in a while

I have pictures of you, and I look at those every once in a while, too

I subconsiously compare every guy I meet to you

I still love you

I always will

My most vivid memory, ever...of my life, besides Charlie being born, is the time we spent together when you were in the hospital

I know it's not the happiest of moments, but it's the one that stuck

I see you a lot

I was sititng on the couch, and you were by the front door

You turned around, looked into my eyes and said, "I'll be right back"

You stood there for a few seconds, that seemed like days

Looking at me as if you knew it were the last time you'd see me

I miss you

I'm sorry

I wish you weren't gone

I wish you were here on your birthday, to spend it with your family

They have celebrations for you

Barbeques

They love you a lot

Happy Birthday Roger



Ball 'till I fall, I did it for my dogs



This isn't a game



Time can break your heart



I'm paranoid at the things I say



I am sick of selfish intentions (theirs, and mine)



You have only been gone for three years



Death is so limited

It cannot cripple love

It cannot shatter hope

It cannot corrode faith

It cannot destroy peace

It canot kill friendship

It canot supress memories

It cannot silence courage

It cannot invade the soul

It cannot steal eternal life

It cannot conqour the spirit



I have a lot to say, so I guess I'll start by saying that I love you

I swear this will only take a minute, and you'll understand when I'm finished

I don't want to see you cry, but I don't want to be the one to tell you a lie so...

How do you let it go when you just don't know what's on the other side of the door when you're walking out?

I'm trying my best to remember everything I tried to remember to say

So I'm going to do the best I can to try to get you to understand...

There's never a right time to say goodbye, but I gotta make the first move because if I don't you're going to start hating me

Because I really don't feel the way I used to feel about you

It's not like it's all you, it's me too

I gotta figure out what I need

There's never a right time to say goodbye, but we both know that we gotta go our seperate ways

I know it's hard, but we gotta do it, and it's killing me

There's never a right time to say goodbye

My heart is breaking, and a thousand times I asked myself why

Why am I taking so long to say this

Listen to your heart, you know we should be apart

Baby, I just can't do it, and sometimes it makes me want to cry

Do you hear me crying?

There's never a right time to say goodbye, but we know we gotta go our seperate ways

And I know it's hard, and it's killing me, because there's never a right time to say goodbye

Listen to your heart, you know we should be apart

Baby, I just can't do it

It makes me want to cry



I can't really yell any louder

How many times do I have to tell you to leave

I always say how I don't need you, but it's always going to come right back to this; Please don't leave me

How did I become so obnoxious

How do you make me get this way

I've never been this nasty

Can't you tell this is just a contest

Please don't leave me, you're my perfect punching bag

I need you, I'm sorry



Living in a hateful world

What are you going to do when there isn't anywhere to run

What are you going to do when there's nowhere to hide

Carry on

Be strong



We're gonna get you where it hurts

If that doesn't work, we're gonna put you in the dirt



Jealous MCs still drinkin' on the haterade



Ain't no commisary when you're doin' your bid



What I really meant to say, is that I'm sorry for the way I am

I never meant to be so cold

I never wanted you to see the screwed up side of me that I keep, locked up deep inside of me



Who am I going to lean on when times get tough

Who am I going to talk to until three o'clock in the morning



Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you when you think everything's okay, and everything's going right

Life has a funy way of helping you out when you think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face



If a hater comes up, actin' like a bitch, punch him up in his nose and drop him to the floor



Is he the one that you've been missing?

Who did you run to?



She gives herself away

Can anyone hear her

Doesn't anybody see

Can't see past the pain, and we've never even met her



I've got a problem, I know this much is true

I'm so strung out over you, I can barely move

And I like it



What if I was better to you

What if you were better to me

What if I gave all my life to find some way to stand beside you



I don't want to be angry anymore

I don't want to be lonely anymore



When you tell me that you love me

It hurts

When I know it's not real



Why you actin' cool and your cousin lookin' nervous



Our lives are clean now, but still we're actin' like criminals



Firday night, gettin' bent

Everybody nervous

Thug faces

Fugitives runnin' from court cases

And somet hings never change

They just take turns



I'm paranoid at the things I say, wondering what's the penalty from day to day



There was a time that the pieces fit

I watched them all fall away



Why do you want to give it all away

Why do you wanna do everything but talk



I've never touched your body like the way I touched your body



We were so in love



Someone's gonna do to you what you did to me



Somehow, I don't have you after all that we've been through

I need to let you go so I can be free

I'll be okay, even though I really loved you

How could I have thought I couldn't live without you

I'll get better with time

It's gonna hurt when it heals, too



I want to feel what love is

I want to know what love is

I know you can show me

You do something to me that I can't explain

I miss you

For the rest of my life, I will love you

You don't have to think twice

I cherish you



You take me away

I feel the same

All these promises I'm promised, you promise in vain

Take it away and leave me with nothing again

You will feel my anger

You will feel my pain



You'll never see me catch a case and watch my future fade away



We don't know why we feel how we feel inside



It all happened so fast, neither one of us could grab it



We lost touch



What hurts the most is that you won't admit you were wrong



My whole life, I was made to believe I was sick when I wasn't



You got me doin' things I'd never do



He really don't deserve me

All he wana do is hurt me



Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today



Sunny days seem to hurt the most



I'm not afraid

One thing's for sure, my life, I would give you if I weren't already gone



I told you I'd be here



Take a second to listen



Know that when it's raining more than ever, we'll still have eachother



The worst things come from inside



Can't let the struggle hold me down



Hate me and tell me lies



Play your part right

Gotta get your heart right



I ask questions to find out how you feel inside



Bury me deep, because I might come back with a chemical dependancy



Don't know how much time has passed

No one said it feels like forever

No one ever tells you what forever feels like



It's not quite the same, and it never will be again



All alone, sitting in my head



Everything's made to be broken



You'd better think of the consequences



For some reason I can't seem to keep my focus straight



Staying up late, stressing, thinking of what I'm gonna do tomorrow, today



You want it all and that's not fair

You watched me lose it all



Why am I always running away

Running in place



Only time will tell



Runnin' these streets, my homie died

I wanna retaliate

They say that I'm on the edge, losin' all control

Can't trip on the thoughts, reminisin' on our memories



Second-guessing the situation causes frustration



They're constantly hatin', twistin' fate



Trying to hold on

Even though you're gone, I know you're right here with me



A generation of cowards with nothing to lose

Don't turn your back because there's someone out to kill you...sorry-ass busters



I need to feel you

You can't control me

You know all of the rules

Someday you will let me go



The life we live is borrowed

We're not promised tomorrow



Push me inside you

No other man could love me like you do

You find pleasure in pleasing me, like a real man should



What brought us together was fate



October 27th, 2007

I don't have an anger problem

I have an idiot problem



May 28th, 2008

Homies ride for you

Die for you

Even look a cop straight in the eye and lie for you



Memories give me the strength I need to proceed, the strength I need to believe



This is crazy when we confuse this shit with real life



It hurts when you see your friends turn their back on you



I've left a lot of things behind that I'd rather not mention



My faith in you was fading



There is way too much at stake for me to be fake



No matter my decision, I know I'll be fine



Behind the lines, restin' in the dark

Representin' to the popilation as a homie with a reputation



Wait a minute, this is too deep

I'm tryin' to piece it together, but I'm only fallin' apart



Everything I can't remember

Tears my past apart



I've been careless with a delicate man

Don't you tell me to deny it

I've done wrong, and I want to suffer for my sins

I've come to you because I need guidance to be true, and I don't know where to begin



I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love



I know tomorrow brings the consequence at hand

But I keep living every day like tomorrow never comes



October 27th, 2006

         (Telulah Bankhead - Actress, 1903-1968)

I have three phobias, which could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonett, but as dull as ditch water

1) I hate to go to bed

2) I hate to wake up

3) I hate to be alone



A horny husband was helping his wife set up a password for a computer.  He typed, "MYPENIS"

She fell over laughing when it said, "ERROR! NOT LONG ENOUGH!"



A true friend sees the first tear, catches the second, and bitch-slaps the mother-fucker who caused the third



You never seem to run out of things to say



This is the story of a girl who cried a river and drown the whole world

While she looks so sad in photographs, I absolutely love her when she smiles

This is a story of a girl who looks so sad





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You put your hand over my mouth AND my nose, and knew I could barely breathe,while you were on top of me, with your face in mine.  You were telling me things like, "I'm going to to shut you the fuck up."  And, "Stop being stupid,or I'll break your teeth out.."  "I'll flush your glasses own the toilet! Try me."