Illusions

I always saw myself as strong
Never imagined that my entire body could scream
That my nerves could tear and my skin become raw with emotion
My stomach turn against me in knots
All my cool gone, replaced with chills of doubt
All my fire gone, replaced with the burn of worry
That all else around me could cease to matter
My thoughts could race and buzz uselessly
My body and spirit , which I knew to be mine, could turn against me so treacherously in an instant
All the control I imagined I had, gone in a flash
The tremor betrayed in my speech, the shake in my hands
That panic could race through my blood, leaving behind a trail of aching and uncertainty
That I could fail a test of strength so horribly, I never saw coming
And so I sit here, walls too crumbled to repair my illusions, maybe I will sit a minute longer