Alone, All Alone

Alone,
All Alone…

“Ruby, hello, are you even listening?” Kim, my best friend, was waving her hand in front of my face trying to get my attention.
“Finally! You woke up did you?” Kim exclaimed.
“Sorry” I replied “I was just day dreaming”
“Well at least you don’t drool when you day dream unlike when your asleep” laughed Kim while performing a dramatic imitation of me just as Giles walked up beside her.
“Oh my god” I thought to myself “did he hear that?”
I blushed which Giles simultaneously returned proving that he did indeed hear what Kim had just said. Kim then cracked up laughing at our reactions.
“You guys are so funny and easily embarrassed, it’s a wonder how you’ve survived high school so far” she giggled.
“Well it helps if best friends don’t go around talking about their friends secrets like they are news headlines!!”I angrily retorted.
After a while the bell, for once rang when I wanted it to breaking the awkward and embarrassing silence that had fallen between us. Immediately I got up and started to leave when Kim ran over to me her blue eyes shining with worry.
“Oh I didn’t know you had taken that so bad I am really sorry. I didn’t mean it. I just do things without thinking! She explained
I knew Giles had probably talked to her about just how embarrassed I would be and that she should say sorry before I got annoyed. He was good like that. He and Kim had been going out for a year now but I still remember the surprise I had had when he shyly asked Kim out and then my even greater surprise when she had said yes. Now after a year of experience they know each other really well and Giles knows just the right way to explain to Kim the possible consequences of her actions that she doesn’t usually comprehend until they are upon her. I think that they are just the perfect couple except for one thing… I may have a slight crush on Giles myself which is making me a little edgy being around them together. I found myself walking towards my classroom in B block while reassuring Kim that it was Ok and that I had forgiven her when I come across a person I definitely did not want to see, Charley Starford, the Prissy so and so of the school. She immediately noticed me, looking down her long perfectly shaped nose as if I were some gum stuck on her shoe.
“Hello Ruby, what did you reckon of Jackie’s party the other night?”She asked disdainfully.
“Oh right you couldn’t go, again, because the actual chance to socialise with others is just too scary, even if you were invited which you weren’t!”She laughed in my face. Everyone laughed with her except Kim, this definitely had not been a good start to my day hopefully it would improve soon but I wasn’t so sure. Kim’s back stiffened beside me and she lightly touched my hand in support, meaning that she was still there to stand up for me. As I dropped my head thinking, just ignore her, just ignore her. Unfortunately this didn’t help and I felt my eyes start to water. I bit my lip hard trying not to break down and said “Charley get lost, its none of your business” .
She took a step toward me menacingly “Be careful Ruby if you speak loudly like that people might actually notice you and might want to talk back to you. That would be just too terrible to even imagine!” she tormented
Kim almost jumped at Charley and probably would have if I didn’t turn and walk away while dragging her along with me.
For the rest of the day I copped a number of similar comments from people trying to be cool and even of much exaggerated imitations of me telling Charley to get lost usually in very whiny voices, followed by a chorus of laughter. Eventually by the end of the day I felt as if a ten tonne of bricks lay upon my back which is not a comfortable feeling but that’s what a full day of teasing does to you especially when other problems are looming above your head. Yes I was still thinking about Giles and how he was with my best friend and it wasn’t something I was comfortable about either I felt really guilty, but I guess sometimes you can’t choose who…
I walked quickly out the school gates to an awaiting car as I knew if I was late my father would be angry at me! Luckily as I got to the car I was almost exactly on time as usual because after doing it for so many years you get pretty good at it although it gets very annoying sometimes. Even after this I was still relieved to get away from school, if Kim and Giles weren’t my friends I know I wouldn’t last a day.
“Hello Ruby, you’re lucky you weren’t a minute later otherwise you would haven’t of made it!” Father grunted.
“I know, I shall be quicker next time” I said my relief quickly fading.

“Was that sarcasm I just heard” father growled raising his voice.

“No father not at all, I was being sincere!” I pleaded hoping he would take it that way I did not want to be grounded after all my father was very good at those kind of things. Sometimes I really wish he wouldn’t be so strict it is like I have to continually check on myself to make sure I am doing the “proper” thing and cannot even once step out of line to have some fun and now that I am getting older and everyone else is getting these awesome responsibilities. While I am left alone imprisoned within my own home. It gets very frustrating sometimes and I have thought many a time in my anger “if he weren’t my father I would be screaming like a banshee at him!!” but that’s the way things go around here so as usual I had to just get over it and settle down to some study, some community service and then a short and fitful sleep.

The next day I woke up at 4 am. I can’t sleep well anymore which is making it harder to deal with the day’s events but still I deal with them and there is not much more I can do other than take sleeping tablets but knowing my Father that would be a terrible option. I got up and started my morning routine but when I was doing this my brain kept coming back to Giles and I just couldn’t stop thinking about him. I continually reminded myself, you’re lying to your best friend Ruby, your best friend! I hated lying to Kim but what would her reaction be if I told her? What would she say? I had no idea but what I did know is that I couldn’t hold it to myself for much longer it was killing me from the inside. I decided then and there that I would have to tell Kim today and I guess it is best to get it over and done with, right?...

As I reached the school gates I began to get very nervous and edgy. What if it all went wrong? What if she rejects me? These and many more thoughts were swirling around in my head like a pack of angry sharks. Then I saw Kim.
I walked over to her my legs slowly turning to jelly making it hard o walk and my breathing coming out fast and raspy but I had to do this I couldn’t back out now. When Kim turned toward me she had I worried look on her face and I gasped had she already found out, had somebody noticed?
“Hey are you alright Ruby? You haven’t spoken to me since the ‘Charley incident’.”She questioned.
I must have been ignoring her yesterday.
“Oh sorry I didn’t mean to I have just been really busy and I was just deep in thought the rest of the day” I quickly made a slight excuse for my behaviour.
“Ok then, good I thought you may have been really hurt by what happened with Charley but as long as you’re ok, I’m ok!”She reassured me.
“Kim, I don’t think I can keep this to myself for much longer and I hate doing this but…” I said as my courage failed me.
“What is it Ruby? Just tell me maybe I can help.” She said encouraging me.
“Well… I have a big crush on your boyfriend and have for a while, I like Giles too Kim. Kim?” my voice pleading with her.
Kim face distorted into a number of emotions at such a fast pace that I couldn’t catch a single on but eventually after a dragging silence she finished on a look of anger and I started to sob.
“Ruby!... How, how could you? Why would you do this to me? I am your best friend and I trusted you and what do you do you turn your back on me and be the flirt that you are and have a crush on my Boyfriend. I hate you ruby I hate you!” She screamed
All the while I was howling on the ground whispering “Sorry Kim, sorry. Please… I am sorry…”
Kim strode away from me stamping each foot into the ground like she was stepping on my face. She left me by myself and alone, all alone…
Eventually due to the school bell I had to get up and walk to class and without Kim there at my side I begun to get weaker worn down by the nasty comments and sneering faces. I said once before that I couldn’t get through a day without Kim and Giles and now here I was being swallowed up by the hole left at my side where Kim usually stands. Now I really was dying on the inside.

Over the next few days I fell into a routine of robotic movements and words but they meant nothing. Really I was twisted with a number of feelings and thoughts most of them screaming for help, sobbing for Kim or wanting to kill myself. I was caught in a continual cycle of depression and when I was alone I had even thought about an attempt at suicide but I could never bring myself to do it. On one of these days something my father said hit me right to the core and in my miserable state I lashed out at him screaming and yelling releasing my feelings of confinement and imprisonment from over the years like a tsunami on top of him. I yelled at him about how I always felt like I had no freedom or responsibility and that I felt like a caged mouse longing to come out but smashed down to reality every time. I really let loose and did scream like a banshee at him and probably would have hit him if he didn’t yell at me ten times louder to get to my room or he would be forced to drag me there. I ran to my bedroom crying, slammed the door then flopped onto my bed curling up into a ball then reverting to cuddling my teddy bear and whispering prayers into his ear hoping that maybe just maybe help would come…

The next day I awoke to see my father standing over my bed with a worried look on his face but as he realised I was awake he immediately replaced it with a stern look.
“Ruby” he said firmly.
”I have been thinking about what we, err ‘discussed’ yesterday and although I should be probably grounding you I have decided that maybe you are old enough for some privileges so I will give you a chance but one chance only if you mess up it will be a while yet till you even leave the house on your own” He grumbled.
“Yes father” I said opening my mouth wide open in surprise!
“I am allowing you to leave this house once a day for an hour and no longer you may have some free time but in payment you must work extra hard on your studies, do you agree to our deal?” He asked
“Yes, yes of course Father, I will study as hard as ever from now on” I stuttered
“Now get up and get dressed before you start some school work.” He stated.

I did school work for a number of hours until about 1 ‘o’ clock when I decided to use my hour of free time. I told Father I was leaving and that I was going down to the shops and if he wanted me to get anything. I was sucking up big time as I definitely did not want to let this privilege go. At the moment it was the only thing that brightened my life.
I walked to the shops in awe of my new responsibility looking at nice clothes and sitting bookshops until finally I came to a little restaurant and sat cosily in a corner reading a book but unfortunately I couldn’t concentrate but kept drifting back to the scene of Kim leaving me after all even the thrill of a responsibility doesn’t last forever and embarrassing as it was I found myself almost in tears watching two young girls playing with each other just like Kim and I did when we were little. That’s when a fairly good looking young man walked over to me and plonked down to my greatest surprise right in front of me. At first glance he looked slightly rugged but in a handsome sort of way so I guessed that he was a bit of a dare devil and quite confident judging by the way he had sat down to a table with a random girl reading.
“Hey” he flashed me a smile “are you from around here I haven’t seen you before?” He asked
“Yeah I am but I don’t go out much” I replied. Obviously he knew just about everyone around this area.
“Are you ok I just saw you in this corner by yourself and I thought you looked a little lonely” He said gently
“I’m fine, just a little tired that’s all” I lied.
“Well…” He said not really believing my lie ”Would you still enjoy to come to walk around the shops with me?”He questioned
And then to no one’s greater surprise than me I agreed and got up to follow him out of the restaurant.
We walked around the shop making light conversation and chatting about our lives. I told him a bit about Kim and Giles and how they were my best friends (of course not mentioning the part about how I had ruined our friendship). He then told me about some of his mates and how they liked to go rock climbing together. Eventually I ran out of time and said good bye and that I had to leave when all of a sudden Tom (he eventually introduced himself) asked for my mobile number unfortunately I told him that I didn’t have one and as I didn’t really like to think about the questions that would follow if he rang the house I suggested
“How about instead we will let’s say just go down to the park tomorrow at one ‘o’ clock?” I posed.
“Yeah sure” He smiled.
“Bye” I grinned back
“See ya” he responded
I walked back home longing for tomorrow to come quickly! I had really enjoyed talking to Tom he was nice and a light character and easily helped me forget what was bothering me. This again came rushing back with that single thought. I spent the rest of the day studying and sleeping proving to my father that I really could be trusted.

We had several hours together like this and already I knew I was becoming happier again but the only problem was that the more I stayed with him the more I like him until even after much defiance I found myself falling for Tom and at the same time beginning to depend on him like I did Kim and Giles so I made sure I kept those feelings to myself. Eventually we got on really well together and he began to get secrets out of me about how school was really going and that I really was lonely and finally how I had ruined my friendship over a small crush which he sympathised with me. And I knew especially when I looked into his deep brown eyes that I could not resist this joyful, lively character.
One day when I was out with Tom and we were talking I had the shock of my life when out of the blue Tom asked “Ruby do you have a boyfriend?”
My mouth hung open at the openness of his question and it took me several goes to be able to reply to him.
“No, why?”
“Well, I was just wondering…” He said slowly a look of nervousness flashing across his face.
“Ruby will you go out with me?” Tom burst out looking at me with longing eyes that I had never really noticed properly before until now, until that question which was throwing my mind into turmoil…
“Yes Tom, I will” I breathed relieved that I had actually said it.
“Yes Tom, I love you” I said startled at my own courage.
Tom then gave me the biggest smile I had ever seen and lifted me into his arms sweeping me into a gentle hug and whispered in my ear.
“I love you to Ruby”.

This one moment changed my life forever turning me around into someone I had always wanted to be someone with the courage to say sorry and make up for how she had hurt her friends. Someone who could be happy and confident enough to stand up to Charley and even eventually become more popular than her. Someone in Love with Tom…