The Lifeless and The Loveless

                 THE LIFELESS AND THE LOVELESS
         
                Before I do anything I must leave this note behind as an explanation of the events that occurred that brought me to this conclusion. You may as well take it as a confession. Have you sometimes wondered how lives change in a split second? You may ask yourself. How did I get here?
           
              Well, I know how it all went down for me. It was a hot summer day in Texas. The sunlight was like a flaming shadow crawling through the curtains. Beads of perspiration slowly slid down my forehead as I rose from my father's bed and put my clothing to its proper place. Caroline's shadow passed by the hallway without a sound.  As soon as I heard the sound of my father’s truck arriving I got up without hesitation, opened the door and quickly passed the hallway where old pictures of my father and I on hunting trips hung. I went to the stools placed by the kitchen counter and took one of the four stools.
           
              Since I was a teen, my father and I went on hunting trips on days like this precise one.  I guess it was a father and son time tradition since my mother passed away when I was thirteen. Nowadays I often came and visited him (or should I say them) on my own free will. There are more reasons I'd rather not discuss yet. The door creaked annoyingly. My father came in through the door sweating. He was wearing his hunting vest which was already soaked in sweat.
         
                “Thomas,” he said as he passed by me and greeted his wife Caroline, who was twenty years younger than him.
         
                “Father,” I replied instantly giving him an approving nod.
         
                “So how are the rifles? Everything ready?” I had to break the awkwardness that surrounded the kitchen like fog.
         
                “They are in the truck lock n’ loaded for the day” he grinned.
         
                “George must’ve taken good care of them on his trip to Kentucky”
         
                “Indeed,” he said while he fixed himself a nice cold cup of water.
         
                “So are we ready to go or what?”
         
                “Yes” he answered while leaning over for one more kiss from his wife.
         
                “Caroline,” I said as I got up from the uncomfortable stool and went for the door knob. I opened the door for him to go out first and turned to see Caroline one last time. Her eyes fixated deeply onto mine. Gave her a smile, a nod and went out the door. She didn't return my smile . She knew what was going to happen. She understood what lay in stored for her husband and it brought her no joy. She thought there could be a better way of dealing with things. I mean, no one could blame her for trying to make everything easier. The bad thing about it is that easy comes with a hard price at the end.
         
                  My father already started the engine of the pickup truck with a bursting sound. My hands pulled the handle, opened the door and got inside like I had no control over my numb body. That same feeling I had the day before when I heard my father’s voice through the phone at midnight, as I laid in my room dozing after a long exhausting night. He sounded strange, like an idea suddenly struck him like lightning.
         
                  “We need to talk son. Why don’t you come over tomorrow and we'll go hunting? I mean if you aren’t doing anything this weekend”
         
                  Of course I agreed on his proposition like I always did. But something sounded different. We need to talk son. Talk? You see, my father and I were always close until he got remarried. The thought that he knew something bounced all over my mind.
         
                  The truck pulled over and stopped. We were there. I lost track of time as I was brainstorming the past day. There was a silence hanging in the air as if the world went mute around me. I got out of the truck as quick as possible since I couldn’t stand the silence and I was caught by surprise by the amazing view of the forest. At least there was something pleasing in a disastrous day. The forest stood in front of us like a huge green fortress that only Mother Nature could provide.
         
              “You ready?” he asked while handing me one of the rifles and the hunting vest.
         I put on my vest and to hell if I wasn’t ready. Was he? That question popped into my head too many times that day. I nodded.
         
                Neither of us spoke a word until we were a mile or so into the forest. Not for the whole mile we saw anything worth shooting so we gave ourselves some time to rest. I leaned on a huge boulder which was the only thing suitable for my back at the time. My father stood by a tree. I could feel his gaze touching the side of my face like beams.
         
                “Thomas” he finally said.
         
                “Yes?”
         
                “Remember last night that I told you we needed to talk?”
         
                “What about it?” I asked with a tone of cluelessness. But I knew.
         “It’s Caroline” he said as he straightened up and grabbed his rifle. “She’s pregnant” He said softly.
         
                  My hand was sweaty as I held the rifle and cautiously put my finger on the trigger.
         “She’s a month in and we haven’t touched or even looked at eachother in two months. It does look kind of weird. Doesn't it?” His eyes were fixed on mine. He knew.
         
                “But what really struck me as odd was that my friends had seen you with her alot during this past month. Ring any bells?” he said in an antagonizing tone.
         
                My heart was pumping fast. Too damn fast. I started sweating madly. My ears rang. The world around was spinning out of control. I could've gave him an answer to all his question if he would've given me more time.
         
                He raised his rifle but I was faster. No time to think. I only felt the recoil of the rifle on my arm and knew he was done.
             
                  I whirled around because I heard a crunching sound coming from behind and saw a deer sprinting away, frightened by the loud bang the rifle made. A deer.
             
                That’s when I heard the loud thud his body made when he crashed lifeless to the ground. There was blood gushing from his chest. I saw the last bit of his life drain out of his eyes while he was giving his last breaths.
         
                  I’m not blaming the deer for what happened, since it was going to happen anyway.
           
                  You see, I met Caroline at a bar in Houston two years ago. What I didn’t know was that my father was currently dating her. That important fact I found out later when I received a wedding invitation. But that didn’t matter much because when they got married and all the newly wed excitement blew over, we started meeting each other secretly. My father knew but he wasn’t going to shoot me for it. He was after the deer behind me I guess. And yes! The child is mine.
         
                  A month has passed since the incident and no one has called in a missing person's report. It was like he vanished. Caroline didn't bother since she was one of the great masterminds behind all of it.
               
                  Is that true love?

                To his friends, she told them he was in Ohio, Canada or somewhere lost in the world.
               
”I guess he didn’t want the responsibility of parenthood again,” she would tell them.

                  But I knew better.
                 
                The remorse grew huge in me and I can’t take it anymore. After I returned to the house and took a brief look at his things. I found a copy of his last will in which he gave me all of the rights to his property. He was giving me everything that he never gave me as child. He didn't even had the intention of revoking it after he found out about Caroline and I. My father wasn't as bad as I thought in the end.
         
                  By leaving this confession by my own soon to be lifeless body I admit to the murders of Vince Eastwood, my father, and Caroline James(I never liked to call her Eastwood) his wife.
             
                  I killed her with the same rifle I killed my father with before writing this full confession. Why did I kill the woman I loved? She just kept me feeling guiltier as each second flew by. She was always threatening me. Telling me that she will report the crime if things wouldn't go her way. I just couldn't live knowing that the person I loved turned into my enemy. May they rest in peace. As for me? I eventually will.

Yours truly

Thomas Eastwood