25th bday poem

today is the day i turn twenty five
and yet i still do not know for what i strive
somtimes i see this as a blessing others a curse
if your mind is already made up can you reverse
and accept the fact that you may not exceed
the expectations that you have set yourself indeed
i think it would be alot more harder for me to accept
where i am today if i had a pre planned concept
of how my life should be and yet i find living from day to day
frusterating beyond belief to the point that i push oppertunity away
it is quite possible my aversion to planning is a fear of failure
but would it really matter to most people if my plans rupture
sure it might mean having to reconsider whats imporant
but having no goals leaves me feeling indiferant
do not get me wrong i love life and even enjoy abit of fear
because when i belive everything is on the line i see clear
helps me realize what is important where my priorties lay
i am having alot of trouble beeing able to convey
these feelings into writing that even i can comprehend
it feels like i am attempting to apprehend
something uncatchable when i sit down and consider
sometimes i feel like im selling myself to the highest bidder
even if these choices are purely benificial
often making them feels unbeliebably superficial
like i am making them for something that may not come to pass
luckily most excuses i create are transparent like glass
and i realize thats just the self discriminating part of myself
i have fought all these years yet it refuses to stay on the shelf
i guess my first step is to learn to love who i have become
only then will all my demons truly have been overcome