After kids are grown you sometimes feel directionless.. |
I am useless An anachronism Left over from when Parents were important. I am in the way Progress moves around me My pace slow As a blur of speeding lines move Towards something profound I trudge forward Each day the same as The one before Without destination I keep going What drives me To keep on track? Nothing holds me No purpose or connection Act as anchor Giving me reason I am an excuse I take up space Better used by another I have no one who cares I need that button to call out For help when I fall But if I fall And no one cares Does the button work? Do I lay on the floor Wondering if someone Will come? It is a test I don’t want to risk The answer What if I’m right And no one responds? It’s a self fulfilling prophecy. ________________________ I know they have lives And interests of their own Leaving little time for Anachronisms. I am the past Cut off by miles Surrounded by people With no commonality I want to go home, But home is not there Like Alzheimer’s victim Not recognizing where they are And looking for what is not I can’t go back Time and change Have ravished home making it strange I yearn for the past For children cuddled Under the blanket Needing me Now I have my dog. Not enough I bought cats Again, not enough They keep me warm at night But still I want more Like a junkie looking for a hit I search for what is lost I invite strangers into my home They steal from me More than my riches Is it wrong to want comfort? A sapient companion; To feel part of a unit, a family? If I could find this maybe they wouldn’t hate me For my need My addiction pulls at my innards I fill the craving with any comfort I can find Ice cream, pasta, cookies, Long complicated recipes Food magazines, stores with no sizes. Gardens flourish under my care But no one comes to see them I spend money Frantic to fill the need Hoping it will do some good That change no matter how little Will matter, Will make it better Will make them come Will make me needed. |