A Worthless letter...

Long time i tried to write but never get enough courage to write.. bit about myself.. i used to be a liar.. hahaha.. not full time professional liar but i do lie sometimes.. but only 10% lie.. other 90% always tell the truth... but sometime small lie can make big chaos or big difference too.. what did in my life as well.. then later on i decided not to lie anymore. so i start telling the truth...

and this truthfullness gave me more problem then lie problem... but it was fun and still fun.. in this world most of the people cant accept the simple truth. a simple truth can beat the crap out of a person... i wanna share this stories here and the feelings about those 365 days.... and everything here is simple truth...



A WORTHLESS LETTER

_____________________________

Hey there girl....

The feeling of dejection did not let me write to you this long. For I have never ever wanted anything like an one sided love. I had had an enormous fury for you for some days. Suddenly it was tamed. I cant make you understand why. You were interested in many people of the world, but, never in me. And that is why you had never seen the color of my hoarded pains. Never seen the briny tears of my constantly jesting eyes. Although, I don’t want to let too many people know about this side of me either.



So long I haven’t saturated myself under rain. So long I haven’t cried for myself in hopelessness. Yet, putting on the dew drops gives me an illusion of rain. Isn’t it enough ?? Not everybody has everything. How many days has it been that I sat to write but could not. How many days I felt an utter wish to tell you all about me! But, instantly I think, what if all these of mine get lost in the crowd of words ?? For the dearth of confidence I let my anguish swell. Some are buried down, some are kept on burning. I don’t know you know it or not, among hundreds of unfulfillments, I find peace in the fewer fulfillments. There are even some who really loves me. Isn’t it enough ??

But, What happened to you …..? ?

Can you really not understand what a human feels ….. ??

Why are you shrinking yourself …..???

If you really feel that it is necessary, I have nothing to say. But, is that all?



Often it is necessary to consider everything around before taking a decision. Considering only yourself is nothing but tyranny. I don’t know which dolor you are floating on….??

May be I am not worth to be told, there is no benefit telling me. But, I might have understood if u told. You are one of those people, ruminating who I don’t get tired walking on this path. This is why it would of course hurt me if u make a different decision. I want to know it all, if you want to tell. What gives the knock on the door of your conscience, is love. And, what pushes you, is your values. So, I cant understand what makes you fall down.

You have seen me change. Yes, I have changed. May be that very bohemianism, talking without purpose is no more, changes have come to my appearance, too. But, that me inside …? Still the same as it used to be.

Still I am enraptured by the tinniest joys, still it feels good to get out suddenly and go somewhere away.

It feels good…………Enough.

Be happy. Be astonishingly happy. Even lending me all the grieves…..

Yours –



That Very Shy Boy Of Class



? + ? = 0

this was a letter i tried to give to a person from the day i decide that i will not lie...

she was awsome.. anyone could be happy with her...day 1st- she was wearing a blue dress with little tiny gold lining around the edge...and two blue earrings with little angle hanging...in one word i almost feel like to tell her to marry me...hahahaha

but in the first day of telling her that i love her... she asked me a question.. " Do i look fat in this dress "

my answer was - " yes you do look fat"

her- " how fat "

me- " ummm.. true comment..??"

her- yes

me- oh well i will say quite a bit fat..

her- ok. compare me with something...

me- ummm.. did u ever see a big fat albatross...?? like when they sit and rest on top of a ship deck they look like a round cotton football.. but cute and beautiful ..like that... but i dont care about tht how u look...because ..

oh well before i say after the because all i can feel a big slap in my face...

so it was quite a good experience in the first day of telling the truth.... and then she left.. i tried to apologise for telling the truth but it didnt work... because her logic was that " then all this time before, u lie with me !!"

one thing she didnt wanted to understand that sometimes i lie with her because my lie makes her happy..wanted to see her happy... i didnt care how she was... i always care who she was.. but my truth fucked me up...

then she left and didnt contact with me anymore..she found a nice bloke to be her boyfriend again... and after 5 month later she asked me to met with her in a coffee shop in northbridge... then she said the story about her last 5 months how she was.. etc etc.. and she wanted to be back with me.. but i said you left me because i told u the truth.. but u didnt try to understand the meaning of the truth or the compareness what i was camparing with you... now u realise that someone who u been with not good enough for u and u want to be with me again.. i just found it wrong...

then in the same day cops pull me over for breath taste in stirling street,

officer- did u drink tonight ?

me- yah 2 beer

officer- how long ago ?

me- 2 hr before atleast.

officer- did u had anything else tonight ?

me- yes i had. i had 1 joint. i smoke. it was quite good because i broke up with my girl friend so i need to be happy.. and i am quite happy now..

he didnt talk with me for 1 min at least. look at me like that i am something different he never met before..

then he said to me, "ok can you please blow here"

i blowed and come under alcohol limit.

then he return my license and told me that sorry to hear about ur break up and i smoke sometimes too when i feel sad.. then he laughed and let me go..

so in the first day of telling truth this 2 incident was not bad...

so i walk alone.... the hardest thing in this world is to speak the truth... and i learn " Never say i love you if you really dont care "