The story of little red riding hood is wrong, this is how it really goes. |
Once upon a time there was a wolf, that wolf was me. If I was given a fairy godmother like that ungrateful Cinderella, I wouldn’t spend one wish on a pretty dress or a pumpkin coach, I would use it to redo one particular day of my life, the day I ate Little Red Riding Hood and her grandmother. It all started at about 9:00 that morning when I was driving to work. I was halfway there, and then all of a sudden my car stopped. I thought my car was out of petrol so I looked left and right to see if there was anyone who could help me, and that was when I saw a tiny house sitting by itself, on the top of a small hill. I pushed my car to the side of the road, and then walked up the hill just in case the person might have some petrol I could use. I finally arrived at the front door and rang the doorbell. As soon as I did, a large wasp headed straight for me and was attempting to sting me. Sure enough, it ended up doing just that. When the wrinkled old lady behind the door opened it, she was probably expecting her granddaughter to show up with some treats, but instead she saw, me, a 100 pound wolf, yelping because of the pain that wasp gave me. The woman was so scared of me; she ran inside screaming and didn’t even think about shutting the door. Her house was the only one for miles and was the only place I had a chance to get petrol at so I decided to stay and ask the woman after she finished trying to deafen me with her screams. I had got over the wasp now and it didn’t hurt as much, so while she was still yelping, I tried to tell her to be quiet, but that didn’t work. I told her that her dress looked pretty, that didn’t work either. I got so sick of her voice that I couldn’t hear myself think about what I would do next, so out of nowhere, I ate the lady up in one bite, I must admit though, she did taste pretty nice. Seconds later I heard a knock on the door. “Hi Grandma, it’s me, Little Red Riding Hood, I bought you some apple pie” the girl said as she was waiting for the door to open, I panicked, I couldn’t just let the poor girl in and tell her I ate her grandmother, that just wouldn’t sound right. So instead I took off my jacket, went into the grandmothers closet and found some of her clothes, put them on as fast as I could and jumped into her bed. I had found a night mask and a frilly sleeping cap, so I put them on as well. “Come in, come in,” I said in my highest voice. When I opened the door, I saw that the girl was only about 8 years old and that there wasn’t much to be afraid of. She came closer to the bed I was sleeping on and was staring at me, well really her grandmother for quite a long time, doesn’t she know it is rude to stare. “Thank you for the apple pie,” I said, “now go home to your mother and father” “What are you talking about, I only have a mother. My dad, and your son died, remember.” “Who are you,” she said “you have much bigger teeth and a much deeper voice than my grandma does” Little Red Riding Hood suddenly took off the night mask and saw me for who I really was, then started shrieking. I wonder who she got that from. The shrieking was giving me such a headache that I stood up and I gobbled her up. It must have been a strange site for the girl, a wolf wearing her grandmother’s clothes. I walked towards the front door, so distracted I forgot to get the petrol and got to the car and turned the key, strangely enough, the car started. I pushed down the pedal and put the car on drive and it was working fine. I looked at the petrol meter and it wasn’t on empty, in fact it was almost on full. I then figured out that the reason I stopped before wasn’t because I had no petrol left, it was because I had my foot on the wrong pedal. Later that day reporters came to my house and started to interview me. Apparently there was a house right next door which I didn’t see; the owners heard screaming so they rang the cops. How did they find out it was me you ask, well on the scene there was a jacket, a brown jacket, and inside the jacket it said......... If found, please return to Mr Wolf 258 Forest Lane I told the reporters every single detail, the wasp attack, the petrol mishap and the little girl with the apple pie, and do you know what those sneaky reporters did, they changed the story completely. On the front page of the Press it said that I, the wolf came to the woman’s house because I wanted to eat Little Red Riding Hood and her grandmother for lunch. So next time you see the writers for the Press, tell them my story, because I guarantee you, it will make the front page. |