black and white memories

Black and White Memories

By Meghan Steely

It was ten years ago, to the day, when it started. Me and my family went to my uncle’s house to celebrate Memorials Day. Everyone was there, family, friends and those we had known so long we couldn’t tell whether they were family or just friends.

The house smelled like cats and it looked like a house that belonged to old people. Some of the pictures on the wall were of a black and white life that happened over thirty year ago. The life in the pictures was adventurous, exiting, and showed a young and beautiful love. It made me sad to think that these adventurous people were now reduced to an old couple that spoke of the “good ‘ol days”.

I was a ripe sixteen and knew just enough about the way of the world to get by. Sean was an over ripe twenty-five year old, who knew too much about the way of the world to get by. We had known each other forever. He remembered holding me when I was a baby and my first clear memory was of him giving me an old t-shirt when I was four. The shirt went all the way down to my knees and swallowed me in warmth and his smell.

We didn’t talk anymore then usual, hardly at all in fact. When me and my family were about to leave Sean realized that he didn’t have my phone number. I was terrible at remembering numbers and it took too long to put it in my phone. So I asked him to send me a text. From there I could save the number on the text to my phone.

Sean sent me a text to give me his number, and then I sent him a text letting him know that I had got it. Then Sean sent me another text and I had to reply with a joke. Soon our texting back and forth had turned into a conversation. It was a conversation about the hard times he had fallen on, the drama I had fallen on, philosophy, life, the way of the world, and the quality and quantity of good peanut butter cookies.

Since that day Sean and I have been through many things. It had started out as texting and turned into conversations. It had started out as a day and turned into years. We have seen bad times and good, love and heartache, we have climbed high mountains and hit rock bottom. It has always been me and Sean, and I can’t see a day when that will stop. Sean would take me four-wheeling and I would take him to movies. It didn’t matter where we went ‘cause we would always find something interesting to do and something new to talk about.

Five years later, I was twenty-one and believed I knew it all and Sean was thirty and believed he knew nothing. Me and Sean were in the back of his pick-up truck looking out at the stars. I was between his legs and leaning against him with my head on his chest. We tried to point out all the stars we knew, but the list was small and we quickly ran out. Eventually we stopped talking and just sat there eating peanut butter cookies in a silence that neither one of us wanted to fill.

I tried to turn around to look at him but I could only twist enough to see the left side of his face. I looked at his short, bright red hair and his emerald green eyes and smiled. “Does it get any better then this?” I asked, not really expecting an answer, “it’s a warm night. You and me in the back of your truck with a six pack and cookies, it feels like heaven to me.”

Sean looked at me for a moment then turned his head back to the stars. “Maybe it does get better, but this feels good enough for me. I guess when it comes down to it we really don’t need better… at least not now.”

I leaned back into his chest again. He was right of course. This is good enough for now. I have so much with Sean that if I asked for something better it would make me greedy. Maybe in a few years, after we make a few more memories.

Since that night time has passed, it seems to do that a lot. It has been about five years since that night in Sean’s truck when we decided that we didn’t need anything better. It was almost Christmas. The snow had refused to fall and all the children had about given up hope for a white Christmas. Me and my family went to my uncles house for a seasonal get-together.

Sean came through the door and I was the first to hug him. We had seen each other just four days before, but I still missed him. It was rare that we would spend that long apart, for years we had been together just about every day. Together we looked at the life of black and white adventures on the wall and remembered our own adventures.

At the small apartment that I shared with Sean there was a blue book filled with colored photos of the past decade. I guess the memories were showing on our faces, ‘cause my uncle came up behind us and gave a loud sigh to let us know that he was there. “Those were good times,” he said in a way the only people with lots of history can say. “You’ve had some good times yourself from what I hear.”

“Yeah, we’ve done some things over the years.” I said.

My uncle looked at us and seemed more serious then he had been in years. “Don’t you waste those years now, before you know it all they will be are memories and photographs on a wall.”

He walked back to the rest of the family and proceeded to make the holiday jolly leaving me and Sean to look at each other. As his word rang through my head all I could think about was what would happen if we did waste all the moments me and Sean had made. I looked at Sean and he seemed deep in thought like me and I would have laid money down saying that he was thinking the same as me.

“We’ve never even talked about it” I said.

“I know” Sean said.

“What if he was right?”

Sean was silent for a while, and then he looked at me like he was seeing me for the first time. “Then we are goin’ to have to go the whole, long, way. I don’t see any way around it.”

It was my turn to be silent. I thought about the night on the back of his truck, about how we didn’t need anything better then. I decided that it was time to get something better. I looked at Sean and said the words that in ten years I had never thought to say. “I love you Sean, always have, and always will.”

“I know little girl. I have always known that.”

I am now twenty-six and I know too much about the world to get by without help. Sean is thirty-five and has forgotten enough about the world to believe that we can handle it all. It has been ten years to the day since we started a conversation about the hard times he had fallen on, the drama I had fallen on philosophy, life, the way of the world and the quality and quantity of good peanut butter cookies.

My heart is pounding but I am oddly cool as I walk past the rows of seats. Everyone is there, family, friends and those we had known so long we couldn’t tell whether they were family or just friends. But I don’t look at them. I look at the person who is standing in front of me.

It seems to take me forever but eventually I reach Sean. He smiles at me and asks me if I am alright. I say that I am fine and he grabs my hand, it feels damp and warm. I look at him a say “we ready for this?”

He looks back at me and says “we have been heading towards this for ten years. I believe we are finally ready.”

A man in a robe clears his throat and our next big adventure starts. “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union between a man and a woman…”