Try and Try Again

I took the day off from work just because I felt like it. Screw them! I downed 4 Red Bull and was ready to take on the world. I felt as excited as Ralphie on Christmas morning when he finally got his Red Rider BB gun. Only difference was he had a purpose. I stared at my computer screen for an hour waiting for inspiration to smack me over the head and inspire me with something that had never been thought of or said before but it never came. I wanted to do something different. I thought of getting a pilots license or taking up jogging. Heck, I even thought of getting a Jesus tattoo! But those fizzled quickly as they were impulsive but without immediate availability. This really sucks! I don't want to be great, I just want to do something great! I want to do something that was completely satisfying to me. Not selfish or harmful, just something amazing. This is not the first time I've felt like this. I've given myself many opportunities to leave myself open for the divine inspiration. Either I can't see the handwriting on the wall or I'm looking at the wrong wall. Maybe I want to be a writer but have no talent? I've searched my whole life for something I'm good at but so far I've only accomplished the things expected of me. Is what I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing? Maybe I'm supposed to make the best of what I do and stop looking for what I don't have or want to do. Resolve, at this point, is like giving up. Am I ready to give up? Major depressive thought! Do I need medication? Maybe, just maybe, that will put me back on track. Good track? Bad track? Life goes on.