Matt and Toby Episode 2

INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY - DAY
Matt and Toby are struggling, moving a couch down the hallway.
MATT
I can’t believe you.
TOBY
Why?
MATT
Why?! Not only did you buy a shitty apartment, but you tricked me into being your room mate.
TOBY
Oh that’s what you’re mad about?
MATT
Yeah of course I’m mad! I still have my apartment!
TOBY
Well you could always live there. No one said you had to live with me.
MATT
And find out you got stabbed one night when I could have protected you? No thanks.
TOBY
Oh here we go about the protecting thing again. We both know you couldn’t protect a Sandwich from a fat guy.
MATT
Whatever this just better work out.
TOBY
Don’t worry it will. Besides I didn’t force you to move in.
MATT
You knew what would happen bringing me here.
They reach the door and set down the couch. Toby fumbles at the lock with the keys.
MATT (CONT’D)
And why do you have to keep locking the door if we’re going to be in and out?
TOBY
You kidding me?! I’m not leaving the door unlocked in this neighborhood.
MATT
Yet you’ll move into this neighborhood.
TOBY
Hey it made sense at the time.
MATT
Your sense must have been telling you that you wanted to get stabbed. And anything makes sense with a pair of breasts dangling in your face.
TOBY
Good point.
Toby gets the door open and they pick the couch back up.
MATT
So how much is the rent on this place anyway?
TOBY
A thousand a month.
MATT
(Angry)
Are you fucking kidding me!
TOBY
What is that a lot?
MATT
Yes it’s a lot! We might actually have to sell our kidneys. Do you have a thousand dollars to spend every month?
TOBY
Well I thought we would both pay five hundred.
MATT
Do you have five hundred to spend every month?
TOBY
Well not really.
They carry the couch through the door.
CUT TO:
INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM - DAY
Matt and Toby carry the couch into the room.
MATT
So where are you working?
TOBY
What do you mean?
They put down the couch.
MATT
Where’s your job?
TOBY
I don’t have a job.
MATT
(More angry)
What the fuck man?!
TOBY
(Defensive)
What?!
MATT
Not only did you rent a very shitty, very expensive apartment, but you don't even have a job to pay for rent?!
TOBY
Don’t worry about it man I got it all figured out. I figure when it’s time to pay up I can just seduce Brooke and sex her up. That should take care of it.
MATT
Oh my god. That’s never gonna’ happen or work.
TOBY
(Defensive.)
Well look at you. You don’t think I could get her.
MATT
I know you can’t but that’s besides the point.
TOBY
Oh no, it’s the only point! What makes you think I couldn’t get a girl like her?
MATT
There’s no way Brooke would go for a guy like you. Women want a polite sophisticated man. And you’re, well and asshole. Not to mention an asshole without a job.
TOBY
You know not all girls are looking for stuck up douche bags. Some just want a wild sex machine.
MATT
Well I’ll let you know if I meet one of them and you can point him in Brooke’s direction.
TOBY
You are such a dick.
Matt walks to a cooler and open it to get a drink and then sits on it.
MATT
If I were you I’d be more worried about finding a job rather then wether or not you can bang Brooke for the rent.
TOBY
Yeah you’re just scared she would like me better.
MATT
(Sarcastic)
Yeah that’s exactly what I’m worried about. Now what are you going to do for work?
TOBY
I’m not sure. I could always go into prostitution.
Matt buries his face in his hands.
MATT
Oh my god, why did I ever agree to move in with you?
TOBY
Cause you were worried.
MATT
What? What does that mean?
TOBY
You’re scared to leave me alone.
MATT
Trust me. That doesn’t bother me at all.
TOBY
Well what if I was attacked by a large mob and you weren't here to defend me?
MATT
Well that's easy, then I wont be getting my ass kicked by a large mob.
TOBY
You’re so selfish. Well at least together we wont have to worry about zombies.
MATT
(Confused)
Excuse me?
TOBY
You know when the world is overrun by zombies and we have to fight for survival.
MATT
You have got to be fucking kidding me.
TOBY
Zombies are no laughing matter. I never kid about that. At least with us living together we wont have to scour the city looking for each other to make sure we are alright.
MATT
Well thank god there’s not such thing as zombies and we wont have to worry about that.
Toby has an angry look on his face.
TOBY
You can be as pessimistic as you want but you’ll regret not having a zombie plan.
Toby storms into his room and slams the door. Matt shakes his head.
MATT
Idiot.
End of episode 2