Terminate(d) Discrimination

Today I terminated a friendship that was (unfortunately) long over-due. It had to happen and unfortunately it happened in a not so friendly way, but it was falling apart at the seams…

I’ve always been good with looking at peoples insides, the beauty they hold inside them, what they can be if they believe in themselves, all that wonderful amazing self-confidence that is hidden deep down inside, but has been locked away for many years… but this comes with a fault… I’ve always been bad at trusting that everyone’s intentions are good and positive, and end up being blinded by those that have negative intentions towards others…

Last year I was very good at ridding the negativity and drama out of my life. I still am, I just had a slip. I got blinded by what I thought was a good person, but ended up being the opposite.

Judging someone because for whatever is wrong. Below are the things I’ve had to listen to, in the past month, I’ve been judged, discriminated against, or witnessed it happening to those that I love:

1. I am a lesbian.

2. I cannot be around one of my best friend’s daughter (who is 12) because I would be a bad influence.

3. I have an autistic / retarded brother (who needs to be institutionalized, because evidently we’re doing something wrong with him).

4. I am (and one of my best friends) are daddy’s girls, therefore we are spoiled.

5. My partner is rude and controlling (who didn’t even give her the time of day, let alone a chance to get to know her).

6. My partner being judged because she (who is Caucasian) has her grandkids that are black.

7. My partners children (two teenage boys) cannot be around one of my best friends child (the same one, I might turn gay) – because they might have a massive orgy at Motel 6.

8. One of my best friend’s children should be institutionalized as well.

9. The same best friend is poor (based on I am not sure what assumption).

10. The same best friends spouse is abusive (he’s really not).

Because my lifestyle is not the same as this persons’ or my partner doesn’t meet up with her “PERFECT” husband… therefore everyone and everything else is shit on a stick. There are umpteen more different things that I’ve witnessed from one person, and it’s ridiculous. One of these things is ridiculous let alone 9 more on top of that. Life happens. Things get hectic, life gets busy, we find ways to make time for the ones we love, and even if we can’t get to people right away, sooner or later, we’ll catch up with them and it will all be alright.

Unfortunately this person is a one-person friend, if it wasn’t all for her, to her, about her and with her, it wasn’t at all. She never gave me the chance to even explain anything to her; she never came and told me something was wrong, I heard it through the grapevine, which really blows my mind. This big bad bitch couldn’t even come to me. I unfortunately put someone in the middle trying to salvage this friendship with her because I thought I was in the wrong. I make mistakes, I’m not perfect – but I tried.

People tell me “she’s ignorant, ignore her, you’re better than that” but yet the pain is still there. No matter which way anyone turns (it doesn’t matter if you’re white, black, blue, tan or purple), someone will always find something wrong with you, or the way you live, or the choices you make, your religion, your beliefs, hopes, dreams or goals.

You can sit in a wheelchair, you can be born with one foot, three eyes, tall, short, thick (fluffy), thin – it doesn’t matter – very few take the time to sit there and look past the physical aspect and look into the heart and soul of another human being. See what they’re all about, what they’re made of, what they’re capable of.

Someone came to me tonight (she wants a fictitious name… so we’ll call her Penelope Bartholomew) and fessed up something that I never thought she would say, she was one of those discriminating people. She didn’t understand the gay lifestyle until she met me. I was actually rather floored by her statement because I never even imagined Penelope saying anything along these lines, but she was very honest and upfront about how her mindset used to be. I told her, I don’t take it personal. She felt ashamed and dumb but the way I see it – discrimination and prejudice is based on fear (to a certain degree). People are afraid of what they don’t know, they tend to shy away from it, they put up walls, they get defensive, and even aggressive. It happens. I understand it.

I am much more understanding if you’re willing to try to be civil, open minded and kind hearted – than when you are being loud, ignorant, rude and obnoxious.

Judgment happens and it’s unfortunate – no one should have to have a ‘friend’ like this, or anyone in their life like this – some people need second chances, but then there are some, that just wear it down so thin, second chances, third chances, and even fourth chances don’t change anything.

It’s sad. I sit here and wonder what I did wrong. Why my skin is the way it is, why I “chose” the gay lifestyle? I was born, given up, adopted in an interracial family, a lesbian in an interracial relationship, but yet I am happy – and it’s “their” problem If they can’t accept it or even support it – they can walk away. But yet deep down inside me, it still hurts just the same. Everyone wants to be accepted, and supported, and loved. The world is not going to accept everyone, that’s just not realistic, but we put our best foot forward everyday, and all we want is to be happy, make friends, and support one another. When that falls through, you can’t help but question everything you ever stood for, thought, believed in and then you start questioning your identity.

I don’t regret what I did, I don’t even regret meeting her, I am going to take what I need out of the entire situation, to grow as a better person, I experienced things that really shouldn’t happen, but they do, my friends and partner experience things that they shouldn’t, but they did. This is certainly not the end of the world – many of us grew closer. Many of us had our eyes opened to things we didn’t realize, but now know to be careful of, because of this we formed friendships were made, and even stronger bonds of support were developed.

… But behind the wonderful support, the friendship, the smiles, laughter, tears, anger, and “trying to be the better person”, “look past it”, “they are who they are”, “they’re bitter”, “it’s the age they grew up in”, “its how they were raised”… “It’s all they know”… whatever justification you can think of to explain why people are the way they are… (whether it be valid or not)… deep down inside, it still hurts… all of us.