A Letter to my child

A letter to my child.

How is it possible to love someone I don’t know? How can I miss someone I have never met? I don’t know what you look like yet your image is burned deep in my mind. I don’t know what you smell like but your scent is on my clothes. I have never held you close, yet I can feel your warmth next to me. I don’t yet know your name and yet you are so familiar to me. You are not part of my life, yet you are my life. I see you at every turn, hear you on every street. I can see your room in my house yet it’s not there. I see your empty seat at our dining table and I miss your laughter in my home.

Without you my life seems meaningless but I still continue to live my life and build my life because without it you can’t exist. My hobbies seem pointless and my friends insincere. The only thing that matters is my strive to meet you and hold you and feel you, to smell your sweet scent and to touch your soft skin.

People try to reassure me. Tell me that I will one day meet you. Yet I struggle not to feel down hearted. I try to believe, truly I do. But why does the journey to find you feel like a mountain to climb when others do not even try? I know you are special, that is why I must try so hard to reunite us and even when I am down hearted and defeated I know I must try and stay strong. It is my strength that brings us closer together. I know you are there and we will meet one day. Maybe not tomorrow, or next week or next month, but I know you are out there waiting for me and I know that I must stay strong in the meantime.

I thank you for my guiding strength. Your Daddy is my rock. He doesn’t know it and life doesn’t always make it easy but I know this is a test we must endure. I know that every knock and every set back makes us stronger. Sometimes our paths may veer off course and our strength may be diminished but by drawing strength from each other, we will make it through. We travel along this journey, together... united as one.

So I will continue my search for you. I will look in every corner, in every street and every city. I will listen for your voice calling me and I will find you. Maybe not tomorrow or the next day but we will be together. In the meantime I will meet you again in my dreams. I will hold you, talk to you, and hear your laughter and I will cherish the thought that one day maybe, just maybe, I will hear that laughter for real.